Rysmory Babelys

[Ihano]

Here's my first exercise in Flaidyx. I was feeling uninspired in what to translate, so I chose the Babel text. Generally I used the NIV, just so to be dealing with simple language.

(I was going to put this in the Flaidyx thread, but it came out rather long.)

--

(Genesis 11)

1
7y laimeten 7y mootet zecki7ys 7embru7 vur almea most.
one tongue-OBJ-AND one way-OBJ speaking-GEN use-HAB whole world now.

2
7yd ty yau 7elfoot litor, yau ziit lapmechet sittyd metch Sinarys, ninxyd gonu yau.
inside that [they traveled east-ALL], they found plain-OBJ in land Shinar-GEN, there lived they.

3
7y zeck yaulpo chem neck, --Tack fotse sutten terko7ert yoven dunnte getpo yau vurme.-- Terko7ert bru7se yau 7ydjot ko7, yoven veezpich ze fatchet bru7po yau.
one said hear-PART other one, we go-ONG bake-INF square-rocks-OBJ then-AND cause-ONG burn-PART them full-ADV. square-rocks-OBJ used they instead rocks, then-AND water-dirt was adhere-substance use-PART they.

4
Yoven yau zeck, --Tack fotse dunnen failnpo teerten rysmoryt, neckys legg zeno 7uttyd fetter. Nemot tack dunnse gailnpo takym neevt, yoven tack voss ba7po fu7po fretor vur almea 7ell.--
and they said, we go-ONG cause-INF form-PART city-OBJAND castle-OBJ, that-GEN top be-IRR next-to clouds. thus we cause-ONG form-PART our name, and we not-ONG get-PART blow-PART across-ALL whole world away.

5
Frett Kaim yon lolor laden teerten rysmoryt rneck riiler luukerys dunnte gailnpo.
But God came down-ALL see-INF city-OBJ-AND castle-OBJ which children humans-GEN caused-DEF form-PART.

6
Yoven Kaim zeck, --Luuker zeno 7y jiinen 7y laimet keezen meemen neckt, yoven yau garse dontpo meemen liss neckt most, vott neckt voss maukpo meemen yau.
then-AND God said, --humans are-HAB one have-AND one speech-OBJ begin-AND do-INF this-OBJ, then-AND they if-ONG decide-PART do-INF anything-OBJ now, nothing-OBJ not-ONG can-PART do-INF they.

7
Tack fotse lolor yoven tresse yaum laimet, nemot 7y voss frintodpo zecki7t chem neckys.--
we go-ONG down-ALL then-AND mix-ONG their speech-OBJ, thus one not-ONG understand-PART speaking-OBJ other-GEN.

8
Yoven Kaim fu7 yau dretor vur almea 7ell, prompo yau dunnen gailnpo teert.
and God blew them across-ALL whole world away, stop-PART they cause-INF form-PART city-OBJ.

9
Sooden nery neev 7enze Babel, sood Kaim tresst laimet vur almeam, yoven ninxyd 7ellor Kaim fu7 yau dretor vur almea 7ell.
therefore their name is-HAB Babel, because God mixed-DEF speech whole world-GEN, then-AND there away-ALL God blew them across-ALL whole world away.

1 Now the whole world had one language and a common speech.
2 As men moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinar and settled there.
3 They said to each other, "Come, let's make bricks and bake them thoroughly." They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar.
4 Then they said, "Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth."
5 But the LORD came down to see the city and the tower that the men were building.
6 The LORD said, "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them.
7 Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other."
8 So the LORD scattered them from there over all the earth, and they stopped building the city.
9 That is why it was called Babel -because there the LORD confused the language of the whole world. From there the LORD scattered them over the face of the whole earth.

--

Naturally, I've had some difficulty, and it's probably somewhat crude; just imagine me as an Eledhe missionary making a frantic translation as he first learns the language.

Some notes to some of my kludges; if there's something I overlook in any of these, please let me know:

-I used 'almea' for "world," imagining a Verdurian borrowing.
-For "while," I used '7yd ty...' or "inside that..."
-For "they said to one another," I expanded to "one said to another" (literally, "one said, another heard"). Is that right? Or could I use "yayau" for this meaning?
-"brick": 'terko7' ("square rock")
-"mortar": 'fatchet' ('faach' plus nominalizer 'chet')
-"tar": "water-dirt" (i.e., mud)
-Lacking a word for "build" or even "make," I've settled for the clumsy 'dunn gailnpo,' "cause to take form." I'll replace this in an instant if I can somehow. Or can gailn be used transitively?
-'rysmory' ("castle") for "tower"
-Lacking "heavens," "sky," "stars," or some such, I described the clouds as how high the tower was to reach.
-There's a word for "daughter" and "child," but not "son." Is this an oversight? I thought 'riil' might be male by default, but seeing the example in the lexicon of 'Kresselys riil Nellche,' it seems to be gender-neutral.

[zompist]

Neat! I'm always amazed that people can do this sort of thing.

I'll look over this more carefully, and supply missing words. For now, a few quick notes:

1. Genitives generally come before the noun, so it should be Babelys Rysmory.
2. Initial vowels are verboten, so it should be 7almea.
3. Possessives are definite expressions; soi it should be Kaim treste yaum laimet.
4. I don't see many topic/comment expressions or S-O pronouns. This isn't really incorrect, but it would be bookish. Of course, you may judge that to be appropriate for a book.

[Raphael]

4. I don't see many topic/comment expressions or S-O pronouns. This isn't really incorrect, but it would be bookish. Of course, you may judge that to be appropriate for a book.

The Flaids make a difference between bookish and other style? Aren't they against everything to pompous or pretentious?

[zompist]

4. I don't see many topic/comment expressions or S-O pronouns. This isn't really incorrect, but it would be bookish. Of course, you may judge that to be appropriate for a book.

The Flaids make a difference between bookish and other style? Aren't they against everything to pompous or pretentious?

Bookish isn't necessarily the same as pompous. It just means that you're using expressions or words characteristic of the written language, as opposed to more colloquial forms from spoken language.

I should also note that flaids aren't uniform; there are certainly pompous flaids.

[zompist]

OK, finally got around to filling these lexical gaps. The online lexicon is also updated.

-I used 'almea' for "world," imagining a Verdurian borrowing.

7almea or 7alme7a would be recognizable, but I've created Metcheren, based on metch 'land'.

-For "while," I used '7yd ty...' or "inside that..."
-For "they said to one another," I expanded to "one said to another" (literally, "one said, another heard"). Is that right? Or could I use "yayau" for this meaning?
-"brick": 'terko7' ("square rock")
-"mortar": 'fatchet' ('faach' plus nominalizer 'chet')

I like all of these.

-"tar": "water-dirt" (i.e., mud)

Tar = piim; mud = chuch.

-Lacking a word for "build" or even "make," I've settled for the clumsy 'dunn gailnpo,' "cause to take form." I'll replace this in an instant if I can somehow. Or can gailn be used transitively?

I think it could; but I've added skun 'build, make'.

-'rysmory' ("castle") for "tower"

That's good; but I've added mack 'tall, high' and mackmory 'tower'.

-Lacking "heavens," "sky," "stars," or some such, I described the clouds as how high the tower was to reach.

Sky= 7egg; star = cheel.

-There's a word for "daughter" and "child," but not "son." Is this an oversight? I thought 'riil' might be male by default, but seeing the example in the lexicon of 'Kresselys riil Nellche,' it seems to be gender-neutral.

Son = nox.

[Ihano]

7okry kusmod! Sery 7aadickel 7enze nool.