Ambermoore wrote:This particular lab is the only one I've run into that has consistently managed to get a draw on the first stick on me (which is why I'm going with an out of network lab). When my record is eight sticks to get a blood draw and my average is three, mode is actually two, but when they have trouble on me they tend to REALLY have trouble. Not sure I'll ever get used to it if the Army didn't get me used to it.
From my experience lab work is pretty damn expensive, actually; how do you afford this out-of-network?
And yes, having to get stuck multiples on a regular basis sucks. At least I'm lucky to have a really prominent vein that can be stuck very reliably in my right arm... (It is annoying when someone has the brilliant idea of sticking me anywhere else...)
Ambermoore wrote:This particular lab is the only one I've run into that has consistently managed to get a draw on the first stick on me (which is why I'm going with an out of network lab). When my record is eight sticks to get a blood draw and my average is three, mode is actually two, but when they have trouble on me they tend to REALLY have trouble. Not sure I'll ever get used to it if the Army didn't get me used to it.
From my experience lab work is pretty damn expensive, actually; how do you afford this out-of-network?
And yes, having to get stuck multiples on a regular basis sucks. At least I'm lucky to have a really prominent vein that can be stuck very reliably in my right arm... (It is annoying when someone has the brilliant idea of sticking me anywhere else...)
I can afford it because my company decides to make up for lower-than-industry-standard salaries with good insurance and not laying people off every time the industry hits a low cycle (a HUGE thing). We may have to switch labs if things wind up going like they did last time, but if this is the only lab work I need this pregnancy it's not going to add much to the total tab. For the total tab... budgeting and a really good doctor and hospital.
Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist; children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed. ~Attributed by Neil Gaiman to GK Chesterton
Chagen wrote:Wow I think I'm never holding the door open for anyone again. Today I was at college and walking out of a on-campus restaurant. Some white jocks--they looked like athletes, and the athletic complex/gym was nearby so they probably were coming from there--came up. I'm a nice person who always holds the door open for people, male or female, so I do.
Guy doesn't even thank me, and as I'm walking away, I hear him to say his friends "Whoo! You see that man, that nigger/negro..." in thus smug "haha that's your rightful place" tone. I couldn't tell what he said that past that, but...yeah.
This isn't the first time, I remember in middle school some white guys came up to me while I was at my locker, pushed me into it and slammed my head against the metal (hurt like hell) while running away and screaming "haha fuck you nigger!". They never got punished for it.
That was polite of you and he's just being ungrateful and worse.
If you have the self-confidence (which can be worked on), it might the time to go something along the lines of "You see this nigga? He don't put up with that.". You can add something about politeness.
vampireshark wrote:Tomorrow, I have to present a progress report before my "thesis supervisory committee", which will determine whether or not I get to continue with my doctorate. I knew this was coming (and have known this was coming for a while), but, really, my anxiety level's shot through the roof... I hope it turns out well, but I have no idea, honestly.
Good luck indeed! Is this perhaps equivalent to a prelim?
Somewhat, though it did end up being quite different from the preliminary/qualification examination I took when I was at Kent. Good thing is that I did pass the review and that I get to continue for another year, but the whole process was incredibly nerve-wracking and anxiety-inducing.
Also found out through this whole process that there are resources for possibly helping to treat/deal with my anxiety issues here, so I might need to start making use of that.
What do you see in the night?
In search of victims subjects to appear on banknotes. Inquire within.
I've just been walloped with a huge sense of failure/inadequacy. I was reading on reddit about someone who lacked social skills and wanted to talk to girls and it made me realize how when I've asked a girl out—either IRL or on online dating—it never pans out. IRL, girls just straight-up reject me. Online, most of them never respond, and of those who do, usually the conversation peters out after two or three messages exchanged. (If it's relevant, usually the introductory messages are just that—age, height, a few select interests, often a picture of my face.)
And that's if I get up the courage to even ask them out in the first place. I view myself as unattractive and bizarre, and I was bullied/burned enough in my childhood that I fear being made a target if I make my feelings public.
Seeing the weather-related craziness that's happening back home makes me a bit nervous; even though my mom (when I talked to her today) mentioned everything being fine, I still can't help but worry and hope that everything's fine there...
What do you see in the night?
In search of victims subjects to appear on banknotes. Inquire within.
Now I feel really fucking guilty about everything over the past two and half or so months... This could have all turned out very differently, and I would have hurt everyone I know, as well as whoever happened to find me...
Travis B. wrote:Now I feel really fucking guilty about everything over the past two and half or so months... This could have all turned out very differently, and I would have hurt everyone I know, as well as whoever happened to find me...
Well, that's understandable, but no doubt you also know it's not your fault (if we define "you" as the rational person, and the things you feel guilty about caused by brain problems). Am I to assume, given the above, you feel slightly "better" now, i.e. no ideating etc.?
Travis B. wrote:Now I feel really fucking guilty about everything over the past two and half or so months... This could have all turned out very differently, and I would have hurt everyone I know, as well as whoever happened to find me...
Well, that's understandable, but no doubt you also know it's not your fault (if we define "you" as the rational person, and the things you feel guilty about caused by brain problems). Am I to assume, given the above, you feel slightly "better" now, i.e. no ideating etc.?
I know rationally that it is not my fault that my brain has been malfunctioning this way. I also know that guilt does not help things but just makes them worse. However, I just cannot help it.
I do feel somewhat better now, even though it hasn't been consistent (e.g. I wasn't doing too well last Thursday or Friday). I still have occasional moments of ideation even on good days, but nowhere near how it was before (on bad days I still may have quite a bit).
Travis B. wrote:I know rationally that it is not my fault that my brain has been malfunctioning this way.
Well, that's at least something.
I do feel somewhat better now, even though it hasn't been consistent (e.g. I wasn't doing too well last Thursday or Friday). I still have occasional moments of ideation even on good days, but nowhere near how it was before (on bad days I still may have quite a bit).
Let's just hope this is a slow way up? I'm happy for you it's at least "somewhat" better. Somewhat's better than nothing.
Travis B. wrote:I know rationally that it is not my fault that my brain has been malfunctioning this way.
Well, that's at least something.
It is, but at the same time what I know rationally is not the same as what I feel. If it were, then these past months would not have been nearly as worrisome as they have been.
jal wrote:
I do feel somewhat better now, even though it hasn't been consistent (e.g. I wasn't doing too well last Thursday or Friday). I still have occasional moments of ideation even on good days, but nowhere near how it was before (on bad days I still may have quite a bit).
Let's just hope this is a slow way up? I'm happy for you it's at least "somewhat" better. Somewhat's better than nothing.
It seems to be a slow way up, yes. I ideate less than before. (I don't wonder about when I will end up dead anymore.) I feel hopeless less of the time than before. I have trouble eating less of the time than before. I simply feel okay or at least okay enough more of the time than before. All in all, things have gotten better, but still have room for improvement.
Travis B. wrote:Two steps forward, one step back. The ideation decided to come back full force yesterday afternoon, such that it reminded me of things weeks ago.
Sorry to hear that! Hoping for another step forward.
On another note, my hands have decided to self-destruct all of a sudden, and their skin is now laced with crack after crack after crack...
I know what that feels like. Every autumn I have to start using creams to prevent them from feeling like sand paper and cracking up.
My poor students today! All I did was lecture to them. They had to learn le/la/les (and the others) plus lui/leur (and the others) AND y and en all in one go, in 50 minutes. 50 minutes is not enough time for this and it's rather unfair to teach them so much at one time when they've never even seen these sorts of pronouns before. I could teach a whole class on the direct and indirect objects, and a whole class on y and on en, but to do it all in one class, uuuuuuuugh!! They didn't get any practice! I'm not sure they understood y and en. As soon as I described one use of them I had to go but wait there's another!
Oh and I had to spend 5 minutes teaching /2/ and /9/ which for Anglophones is not easy, even when you tell them, ok start with /e/ or /E/ and then round your lips, but don't say /@/!
Travis B. wrote:On another note, my hands have decided to self-destruct all of a sudden, and their skin is now laced with crack after crack after crack...
I suggest drinking several litres of water a day. 2 litres isn't really a maximum and it depends on the individual. Although given the season change that jal mentioned, sunlight may be in order.
What would sunlight do for my skin? I can see why some people would want to get a light box, though, but I am not one of those people (I have no real seasonal pattern to my ups and downs).
Currently suffering from insomnia right now. I've gotten less than an hour of sleep for the past two days. I'm too exhausted to say anything else, I've been in bed for seven hours unable to fall asleep for longer than ten minutes.
Nūdhrēmnāva naraśva, dṛk śraṣrāsit nūdhrēmanīṣṣ iźdatīyyīm woḥīm madhēyyaṣṣi. satisfaction-DEF.SG-LOC live.PERFECTIVE-1P.INCL but work-DEF.SG-PRIV satisfaction-DEF.PL.NOM weakeness-DEF.PL-DAT only lead-FUT-3P
Things had been improving... but yesterday I had to crash hard twice in a single day, and today I am quite depressed... Hopefully these are just a couple of isolated bad days, and this will not last... but I have no way of telling right now.
Travis B. wrote:Things had been improving... but yesterday I had to crash hard twice in a single day, and today I am quite depressed... Hopefully these are just a couple of isolated bad days, and this will not last... but I have no way of telling right now.
Mmm, that sucks :(. Let us know how it works out...
It has been a very rough past five months, especially the past three. Things had seemed like in the recent few weeks, though, that they were improving, so it is just disappointing when things get bad again.
I definitely hear you. The last year has been some major downs, and every time things get better something seems to come along to shove me back, at least a bit.
I am Ratatosk, Norse Squirrel of Strife!
There are 10 types of people in this world:
-Those who understand binary
-Those who don't
Mater tua circeta ibat et pater tuus sambucorum olficiebat!
Do you write it down? Might help so you don't miss anything.
I generally forget to say, so if it's relevant and I don't mention it--I'm from Southern Michigan and speak Inland North American English. Yes, I have the Northern Cities Vowel Shift; no, I don't have the cot-caught merger; and it is called pop.
