Venting thread that still excludes eddy (2)

[Travis B.]

It's been gone since around the time of the election, which really isn't that long, but even still is definitely a relief.

That's really great to hear. The meds work then, I suppose?

Except for the occasional mild low spell and the occasional remaining bit of paranoia or anxiety the meds work. Which I am so glad about, with just how bad the period from mid-May to early December was.

Left to my own devices I eat a yogurt and a light sandwich per day. I don't like to eat more, and if someone else is feeding me I resent it and try to get out of it, and if I am making myself eat more I feel like I am forcefeeding myself and frequently do not finish what I am eating.

That's a difficult situation. I suppose you try to "force feed" yourself anyway? Or are you losing weight atm?

Eating anything beyond that amount feels like I am making myself eat more than I really feel comfortable with, so I generally only eat a bit past that (e.g. grabbing two cheese sticks from the local gas station for lunch, and staring at them for like a couple hours before I manage to eat both of them) and then it still feels like I am forcing myself to eat.

The first thing that came to mind is just how much all that must cost...

Yeah, well, I'm in the lucky situation that I don't have to worry too much about the almost € 1500 that cost. I mean, it mustn't happen every month, but I have a comfortable financial buffer for such happenstances...

I personally feel much more comfortable with a significant buffer than without one. It was because of this that I was actually able to afford both of my IP stays and my significant amount of dental work and still have plenty left in the bank afterwards.

[Chagen]

Exams are done for me, and thus this semester. I don't feel particularly accomplished though. I had that Anthropology course's final today. I don't think I did very well on it. The professor said I needed to make a good effort and he would curve the grade, but I feel like I failed to clear even that lowered bar. I talked to him after the exam and he was pretty nice to me, but...I don't feel like I deserve it.

Is "I was depressed" a justification for doing badly, or an excuse?

[Travis B.]

Exams are done for me, and thus this semester. I don't feel particularly accomplished though. I had that Anthropology course's final today. I don't think I did very well on it. The professor said I needed to make a good effort and he would curve the grade, but I feel like I failed to clear even that lowered bar. I talked to him after the exam and he was pretty nice to me, but...I don't feel like I deserve it.

Is "I was depressed" a justification for doing badly, or an excuse?

One should not think that someone who is markedly depressed will do as well as someone who is not. Some can do it, but many cannot. But the thing is that in the end except when applying to disability and occasional places like the team I worked on at NASA (which put up with my being very, very symptomatic at the time) one is judged by the same standards as everyone else, for better or for worse. In college, though, one can often ask for accommodations though, even though many do not make use of them, and in the end one is graded the same way as everyone else.

[Chagen]

Yesterday I learned a very important lesson which I should have already known: if you are with a girl who's close friends with you, start hitting on another girl, and the first girl gets all clingy, don't keep hitting on the second girl.

[jal]

I'm feeling sick. I've got a light fever, and my lungs keep producing slime. Yet, I'm at work.


JAL

[Vijay]

They won't let you go home?

[jal]

They won't let you go home?

I'd rather sit at work for three reasons: 1) the first sick day is unpaid, 2) if I'm not sick for a year I get an extra day off next year (and I haven't been sick this year yet), and 3) two of my kids are sick at home, it's more quiet here :). And paracetamol does wonders (though this afternoon I forgot to take it early enough, and I was shaking during a meeting :).


JAL

[Travis B.]

After the quetiapine kept the depression at bay for about a month, signs of depression are starting to break through again, ranging from catatonia to people telling me I am speaking very quietly to just feeling lowish. The strange part, though, is that these do not seem to match each other in expected severity; e.g. catatonia for me tends be associated with severe depression, yet when I was getting that last night I barely felt depressed at all. Likewise, I tend to talk quieter the more depressed I am... yet earlier today I was being told I was talking very quietly, as if I were somewhat severely depressed, yet I only felt mildly depressed at most. I don't get it.

Of course, maybe I have been at least mildly depressed all this time and just been oblivious to it. This might explain why I have been having so much trouble eating lately. And honestly, that is a much preferable reason to the alternative. The problem with this hypothesis is that I definitely feel different now (i.e. worse) compared to just a few days ago, where my affect was certainly not that of a depressed person.

[Travis B.]

Oh well. Now I'm cycling and markedly hallucinating. Yay.

[Imralu]

After the quetiapine kept the depression at bay for about a month, signs of depression are starting to break through again, ranging from catatonia to people telling me I am speaking very quietly to just feeling lowish. The strange part, though, is that these do not seem to match each other in expected severity; e.g. catatonia for me tends be associated with severe depression, yet when I was getting that last night I barely felt depressed at all. Likewise, I tend to talk quieter the more depressed I am... yet earlier today I was being told I was talking very quietly, as if I were somewhat severely depressed, yet I only felt mildly depressed at most. I don't get it.

I think I know what you mean. I seem much more depressed at the moment than I have been most of this year, from my behaviour, but I don't feel sad. Basically any day where I don't have plans, I wake up, internet for a bit and then feel bored by everything and just end up sleeping for another five hours. It's been like this for a couple of months ... probably caused by the continuing saga with my window and my stupid building manager who thinks it's not his responsibility (it's part of the building, so manage it!), so I've spent two over two months with no natural light in my room, in the darkest months of the year so it's probably SAD plus my depression ... plus world and, as of last night, local events, plus my fuckstick of a doctor refusing my prescription renewal a couple of weeks ago because I asked at reception what the easiest way would be to make an appointment to see the doctor to talk about possibly raising the dose, before I had the prescription in my hand. Tactical error. On that day, he was apparently perfectly happy to subject me to SSRI Withdrawal Syndrome, which I've had once before (from a much slower tapering off of the same drug) until I wrote a long email of complaint. Then on the Monday I travelled all across the city, crying in front of several professionals and many more random strangers in waiting rooms and on the street. I ended up at a crisis centre later that night, not because I was going to do anything to myself but because I was told to go there.

Sorry to hear about your state, Travis. Hallucinating doesn't sound like fun.

[Travis B.]

I think I know what you mean. I seem much more depressed at the moment than I have been most of this year, from my behaviour, but I don't feel sad. Basically any day where I don't have plans, I wake up, internet for a bit and then feel bored by everything and just end up sleeping for another five hours. It's been like this for a couple of months ... probably caused by the continuing saga with my window and my stupid building manager who thinks it's not his responsibility (it's part of the building, so manage it!), so I've spent two over two months with no natural light in my room, in the darkest months of the year so it's probably SAD plus my depression ... plus world and, as of last night, local events, plus my fuckstick of a doctor refusing my prescription renewal a couple of weeks ago because I asked at reception what the easiest way would be to make an appointment to see the doctor to talk about possibly raising the dose, before I had the prescription in my hand. Tactical error. On that day, he was apparently perfectly happy to subject me to SSRI Withdrawal Syndrome, which I've had once before (from a much slower tapering off of the same drug) until I wrote a long email of complaint. Then on the Monday I travelled all across the city, crying in front of several professionals and many more random strangers in waiting rooms and on the street. I ended up at a crisis centre later that night, not because I was going to do anything to myself but because I was told to go there.

Oh all that really sucks. Too bad to hear about all that, to say the very least. I cannot really provide any suggestions about these things, though, unfortunately.

Sorry to hear about your state, Travis. Hallucinating doesn't sound like fun.

Well, it's kind of weird. One of my antipsychotics, quetiapine, makes me hallucinate, constantly. But it only made me hallucinate anywhere near this level when I just first went on it, then it died back to a much more manageable level. But it is like it suddenly gotten much worse than before, even compared to my old hallucinations back before I was on any antipsychotic, and I don't know why. My dose of quetiapine hasn't changed, and even if it had, after initially going on it, subsequent dose increases did not really make me hallucinate more. This raises the possibility that this is a breakthrough psychotic symptom. But the problem with that is that happened before, with my paranoia, and yet I did not really hallucinate more than before because of that..

[alynnidalar]

SAD is a sneaky bastard. I didn't realize it at the time, but all of my worst depressive episodes (I don't know the right term for it--it was never severe/long-lasting enough that it could be diagnosed as depression, IMO) have occurred in November/December, and only started improving afterward, when the days started to get longer. In retrospect, I'm pretty sure the weather and limited natural light had an impact, coupled with some difficult "life" things that were going on at the same time.

I dunno if it actually CAUSED my low state, I think it was that I was already low and then the lack of light made it worse.

[Travis B.]

Why do you think that it could not have been diagnosed?

[alynnidalar]

Doesn't it have to go on for a long enough period of time before it's considered depression? I dunno, for some reason I had the idea it had to last more than just a couple of months to "qualify".

[vampireshark]

Relatively minor vent:

AAAAAAH ANXIETY ABOUT FLIGHT TOMORROW AAAAAAH

AAAAAAH ANXIETY ABOUT UK BORDER CONTROLS EVEN THOUGH I'M JUST TRANSITING THROUGH AAAAAAH

AAAAAAH ANXIETY ABOUT LONG HAUL FLIGHT ON SATURDAY AAAAAAH

AAAAAAH I'M NOT DONE PACKING AAAAAAH

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

[Travis B.]

Doesn't it have to go on for a long enough period of time before it's considered depression? I dunno, for some reason I had the idea it had to last more than just a couple of months to "qualify".

No, alynnidalar - the threshold, according to the DSM5, is two weeks.

Please go see a doctor about this rather than trying to argue to yourself that you shouldn't get help.

[Pole, the]

I have recently blocked by Facebook news feed. My productivity levels haven't soared up, but I have now a plenty of time to waste in other ways.

I didn't realize it at the time, but all of my worst depressive episodes (I don't know the right term for it--it was never severe/long-lasting enough that it could be diagnosed as depression, IMO) have occurred in November/December, and only started improving afterward, when the days started to get longer.

I don't know, probably it's similar for me? I have notice some times ago that the worst time of the year has been October through December.

And, a random vent:
The light in my room at home is way too dim, I can't find a good setting for my laptop between “so much brighter than the background it hurts” and “barely legible”.

[Travis B.]

And, a random vent:
The light in my room at home is way too dim, I can't find a good setting for my laptop between “so much brighter than the background it hurts” and “barely legible”.

Could you just buy a new bulb, perchance?

[Pole, the]

I think the lampshade could be at fault.

[Travis B.]

I think the lampshade could be at fault.

Still, if you buy a brighter bulb you could compensate for that.

[Salmoneus]

Doesn't it have to go on for a long enough period of time before it's considered depression? I dunno, for some reason I had the idea it had to last more than just a couple of months to "qualify".

No, alynnidalar - the threshold, according to the DSM5, is two weeks.

A confusion here is the varied way that people use the term 'depression'.

The threshold for a major depressive episode is 2 weeks. That's if you feel badly depressed most of the day, every day, along with a selection out of a bunch of other symptoms (things like insomnia, hypersomnia, weight loss, feelings of worthless, suicidal thinking, inability to make decisions, etc). Remission is considered 2 months without symptoms, and a distinction is drawn between those who have isolated or rarely repeating episodes and those who have chronic symptoms. 40% begin to recover within 3 months, and 80% recover within a year.

However, what people often mean by 'depression' is persistent depressive disorder. That requires 2 years of symptoms without any remission period of longer than 2 months. This is much rarer, and more likely to be associated with other conditions.

Yearly prevalence in the US is apparently around 7% for major depressive episodes (much higher for people in their twenties), 1.5% for chronic major depressive disorder (repeated episodes without long periods in between) and 0.5% for persistent depressive disorder.

Other possible diagnoses include sadness (periods of depressed mood that aren't sufficiently long-lasting (less than 2 weeks), or constant (not every day, or only part of each day) or lack the other social and personal impairments (apathy, insomnia, suicidal risk, etc) to be a major depressive episode), natural responses to horrible things, and adjustment disorders with mood symptoms, which is where a traumatic or stressful event occurs and you fail to adapt to it in a healthy way.


However, Travis is certainly right to encourage you to take it seriously, even if it's only brief. The longer a depressive episode lasts, and the more the episodes recurr, the worse the long-term prognosis is, so it's good to address it in some way as quickly as possible, rather than wait for it to get better (even though it probably well). Of course, 'addressing' it can be done in various ways, from lifestyle changes (controlling diet and exercise, making a point to see friends more (or less, if they're part of the problem) to self-help books and meditation, to talking about your problems with friends or family, to seeing a therapist about it. If the thought of seeing a therapist right away when you're not sure you 'qualify' for one intimidates you, you may want to see if other things you can do make a difference - that way, not only might they deal with your problem for you, but if they don't then you'll be able to feel better about seeing a therapist, when you're able to say you've tried other approaches and they haven't worked.
[But of course, if it's really severe then you absolutely should see a therapist]

[Herra Ratatoskr]

So it seems like someone hacked into my brother's Gmail/Youtube account and changed the contact information, meaning that there seems to be nothing we can do to verify his identity, so his account is basically trashed. Everything we see seems to say "go through the account recovery tool. Oh, that didn't work? Well, you're fucked. Sorry; make another account and hope that this doesn't happen again".

This fucking year...

[Travis B.]

However, what people often mean by 'depression' is persistent depressive disorder. That requires 2 years of symptoms without any remission period of longer than 2 months. This is much rarer, and more likely to be associated with other conditions.

Is this actually true? I am pretty sure people just mean major depression, or more colloquially, depressed mood of any sort regardless of cause.

However, Travis is certainly right to encourage you to take it seriously, even if it's only brief. The longer a depressive episode lasts, and the more the episodes recurr, the worse the long-term prognosis is, so it's good to address it in some way as quickly as possible, rather than wait for it to get better (even though it probably well). Of course, 'addressing' it can be done in various ways, from lifestyle changes (controlling diet and exercise, making a point to see friends more (or less, if they're part of the problem) to self-help books and meditation, to talking about your problems with friends or family, to seeing a therapist about it. If the thought of seeing a therapist right away when you're not sure you 'qualify' for one intimidates you, you may want to see if other things you can do make a difference - that way, not only might they deal with your problem for you, but if they don't then you'll be able to feel better about seeing a therapist, when you're able to say you've tried other approaches and they haven't worked.
[But of course, if it's really severe then you absolutely should see a therapist]

For me allowing myself to be talked into seeing a psychiatrist for my, at that point, painfully obvious mood disorder early on was the best thing I ever did, allowing it to be brought under control within a couple years despite being quite hard to treat from all appearances - and going off my meds for a year and a half was the very worst thing I ever did, resulting in my mood disorder becoming far more complicated and difficult to treat, and from all appearances, not entirely a mood disorder in the first place. While most people with mood disorders do not have ones like my own, treating earlier typically results in better outcomes than treating later or going off one's meds, especially with extended delays, which frequently results in worse, sometimes drastically worse, outcomes.

[jal]

2016... The only reason to wanna hold on to it a bit longer, is that I'm not convinced 2017 won't be trying to out-do it.... *puts on Patience*



JAL

[vampireshark]

2016... The only reason to wanna hold on to it a bit longer, is that I'm not convinced 2017 won't be trying to out-do it.... *puts on Patience*



JAL

Is this what you mean by "Patience"?

Also, I seem to have come done with a cold. (I blame the recent plane flight(s) I was on... almost nine hours in an enclosed tube'll probably do that.)