Venting thread that still excludes eddy (2)

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Re: Venting thread

Post by alynnidalar »

If my one coworker mentions "the establishment" one more time today, I am going to stab him in the eye with a pen.

I did flat-out ask him what, exactly, "the establishment" was, which seemed to throw him for a loop before he hastily cobbled together something about corporations. But the establishment is evil! Just gotta keep remembering that, and call anyone who disagrees with you part of it.
I generally forget to say, so if it's relevant and I don't mention it--I'm from Southern Michigan and speak Inland North American English. Yes, I have the Northern Cities Vowel Shift; no, I don't have the cot-caught merger; and it is called pop.

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Re: Venting thread

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Now remember America, it's your fault when the world goes to shit.
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Re: Venting thread

Post by jal »

Imralu wrote:You don't need to compare your vents to others', Jal. Vent thread knows no degree.
Yeah, I know, but it doesn't feel that way...
Also, out of everyone, you have been the most consistent and supportive and responsive to other people's vents. As one of the most prolific venters, just wanted you to know you're appreciated.
Thanks, that means a lot to me.
Painful unusable feet suck, please let it be known - although ... colours are pretty and surely more "interesting" to look at than a boring, healthy foot! (Silver lining, lol!)
Haha, yeah, interesting it is! Especially my toes that, although not harmed at all, are purple/black (except for the last phalanx) from all the blood that has moved downwards, making them look like they froze to death :).
Travis B. wrote:Nah, I'd take being threatened by Facebook over not being able to use one of my feet. It's unpleasant, and worrisome, but really I can at least walk practically that way.
That's probably because you have experience in that area :). Although it indeed really sucks not being able to walk.


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Re: Venting thread

Post by Viktor77 »

Frislander wrote:Now remember America, it's your fault when the world goes to shit.
It's your fault, too. You started this game of undermining Liberal values with Brexit. We just called. France is up next, will she call too?
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Re: Venting thread

Post by hwhatting »

Breaking news: Trump has decided to take the U.S. out of the EU. Because that will be called USexit.

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Re: Venting thread

Post by Imralu »

^ I had to say that out loud to get it.

A friend of mine asked me if I could check a translation she's done from German (her L3) to English (her L2) that is going to go on the website of where she's doing an internship. In return, she'll buy me lunch. I figured it would be mostly just fixing up oddly phrased English but now that I look at it with the source text, there are many places where her translation changes the meaning because she's misunderstood the German and the way the parts of the text relate to each other, so ... I'm basically just translating the whole thing but going to the extra effort of making it look like little corrections, with notes explaining why I changed bits, and grammatical help ... and I can't stop myself and be less of a perfectionist. I kind of wish she hadn't sent me the source text so I could simply focus on her English and leave the translation errors her responsibility. Oh well, she said she's got a spare laptop she might give/lend to me, although she did warn that it's crappy, so I'm aiming for a lunch and a laptop. We'll see. Taking a break from it now.
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Re: Venting thread

Post by Imralu »

Travis B. wrote: What you are referring to is insight, i.e. being aware that one's symptoms are symptoms and are not real,
Oh, we've talked about this in the past. My memory is so bad!!
Travis B. wrote:which I do typically have, but have not always fully had in the past. I get the opposite problem that people often don't take my symptoms seriously, as, after all, if I have insight they can't really be that bad. In particular, my psychosis is frequently seen as not that bad if I am aware that my psychotic thoughts are psychotic.

It seems to me that you have at least a decent amount of insight, and since you do not seem to me to have a psychotic illness, I would not worry about losing contact with reality. (Whereas in my case I do have psychotic symptoms, and they have seemed to have definitely gotten worse in the last few months. And while I usually have insight into them, I have not always had insight into the, including quite recently.)

And no, you were making sense and were not annoying or offensive.
Yeah, I know what you mean about people's reactions if you have insight. I have quite a lot of insight and it's growing more with each thing I learn about myself. I've been told by my current counsellor and a counsellor I saw as a one-off at a crisis centre that I'm unusually analytical and articulate about what's going on inside me (and this is in my second language) and I've also been told that I don't give off the air of someone who has all of these problems, that I seem quite confident ... until I'm actually crying. I've had a few friends tell me they didn't really take what I've been saying about my mental health all that seriously at first because they couldn't imagine me being upset or flustered by anything until they saw me in tears.

(My counsellor has told me a number of times, that when I cry, I give him the impression that I'm not crying from sadness but from fear and pain - and I don't think I quite understand what the difference is supposed to be. I thought I probably gave that impression because I hold my breath while crying - something I learnt to do while crying in bed about half the nights of my teenage years in a house where sounds carry through the doorless doorways and over the tops of ceilings ... but the fact that not holding it in has lead to disassociative screaming episodes means he's probably onto something. Finally acknowledging that I have anxiety too is another piece of the puzzle.)

In any case, my ability to explain what's going on inside me often seems to give people the feeling that they can give me some kind of advice because they can see the problems that need to be fixed but they can't actually see what the hurdles are - because those are the bits that are not logical fears for my current situation, so I get advice that typically starts with "Just ..." and I've gradually had to train my friends to know that I don't generally need practical advice because the issue is how I can guide myself through situations that I generally know, practically, how to do - I just can't actually do them without becoming so overwhelmed by my brain that it sets me back for weeks. And I can sit and a lot of the time have a completely calm decision about the fact that even thinking about job applications can tear me apart and I guess in that moment, they can't imagine me in that state, so they don't really understand ... but then at other times, even mentioning the idea of job hunting brings tears into my eyes. At least I've learnt to say "Stop stop stop, I can't talk about this now," when conversations get too much.

And you're right about my lack of psychosis*. This is something that my counsellor made clear to me and calmed me down about my fears of losing touch with reality. What has really terrified me has been when I disassociate while crying and/or screaming. I didn't know it was disassociation for a long time (and I'm still not fully convinced because I can't find reference to anyone else disassociating while outwardly appearing to be deeply in touch with their emotions) and the two times it has turned into full screaming, I had the distinct feeling that I had no control over my body, that I could only observe it from inside my brain and that I, as the observer, was completely cut off from any way to influence what my body was doing (as well as cut off from anything that would allow me to predict what my body was going to do ... like each time the screaming got louder took me by surprise).

*There was an exception when my parents were in Berlin and for about a week after when I'd distinctly hear them talking to each other when I was in a crowd with a lot of voices, which I found really upsetting. I felt like they were still in Berlin. (The only thing I can compare it to is hearing green catbirds in the forest while hiking with my ex, which made me feel like we'd come across a camp ground around every corner. Even though I knew we were several hours' walk away from any other human and it was just birds that sounded vaguely like humans, I still couldn't shake the feeling that there were lots of people close by.) This stopped when I had the big realisation about abuse about a week later. It was almost like my brain was irritated by them being here so much that it was triggered into finally confronting the issue and the way to keep me thinking about it to get to that conclusion was to torment me until I got it. It was probably, in some sense, a whole lot of subconscious processes going on in my brain as a part of the whole process of realisation and it needed time to get to the point where it tipped over into conscious realisation. In any case, hallucinating their voices was scary. I knew it couldn't possibly be them but no amount of concentrating made it go away and I just had to get away from crowds.
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Re: Venting thread

Post by jmcd »

Imralu wrote:^ I had to say that out loud to get it.

A friend of mine asked me if I could check a translation she's done from German (her L3) to English (her L2) that is going to go on the website of where she's doing an internship. In return, she'll buy me lunch. I figured it would be mostly just fixing up oddly phrased English but now that I look at it with the source text, there are many places where her translation changes the meaning because she's misunderstood the German and the way the parts of the text relate to each other, so ... I'm basically just translating the whole thing but going to the extra effort of making it look like little corrections, with notes explaining why I changed bits, and grammatical help ... and I can't stop myself and be less of a perfectionist. I kind of wish she hadn't sent me the source text so I could simply focus on her English and leave the translation errors her responsibility. Oh well, she said she's got a spare laptop she might give/lend to me, although she did warn that it's crappy, so I'm aiming for a lunch and a laptop. We'll see. Taking a break from it now.
On the plus side, it seems you're motivated to do the work required and even go the extra mile to help her out, good on you. And it's basically work. You could maybe get more jobs like it if you build up a reputation. You could maybe even start doing freelance work regularly.

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Re: Venting thread

Post by Pole, the »

Imralu wrote:^ I had to say that out loud to get it.
I don't get it. You sex it?
I figured it would be mostly just fixing up oddly phrased English but now that I look at it with the source text, there are many places where her translation changes the meaning because she's misunderstood the German and the way the parts of the text relate to each other, so ... I'm basically just translating the whole thing but going to the extra effort of making it look like little corrections, with notes explaining why I changed bits, and grammatical help ... and I can't stop myself and be less of a perfectionist.
Wow. You're making yourself do productive work. I'm jealous.
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Re: Venting thread

Post by Travis B. »

Oh this is annoying... I still feel threatened by Facebook, not very strongly, I don't think about it most of the time, but if I do think about Facebook at all I get the immediate feeling of that it is some kind of malevolent force threatening me that triggers anxiety. The thing that bothers me is that normally my delusions are short-lived, but this is a clear example of a longer-lived delusion...
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Re: Venting thread

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Imralu wrote:^ I had to say that out loud to get it.

A friend of mine asked me if I could check a translation she's done from German (her L3) to English (her L2) that is going to go on the website of where she's doing an internship. In return, she'll buy me lunch. I figured it would be mostly just fixing up oddly phrased English but now that I look at it with the source text, there are many places where her translation changes the meaning because she's misunderstood the German and the way the parts of the text relate to each other, so ... I'm basically just translating the whole thing but going to the extra effort of making it look like little corrections, with notes explaining why I changed bits, and grammatical help ... and I can't stop myself and be less of a perfectionist. I kind of wish she hadn't sent me the source text so I could simply focus on her English and leave the translation errors her responsibility. Oh well, she said she's got a spare laptop she might give/lend to me, although she did warn that it's crappy, so I'm aiming for a lunch and a laptop. We'll see. Taking a break from it now.
I have a friend of a friend that sometimes asks me for help with translation - which is her actual job - and the English is always atrocious. I just wonder how she ever got into it. Makes me think I should try and get that kind of work too, but the market overvalues native-level Japanese and not the other way around, which is stupid.

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Re: Venting thread

Post by hwhatting »

Pole, the wrote:
Imralu wrote:^ I had to say that out loud to get it.
I don't get it. You sex it?
And a hundred points go to this candidate.

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Re: Venting thread

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I didn't get it, because I read it as "U S Exit"

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Re: Venting thread

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Travis B. wrote:I still feel threatened by Facebook (...) I get the immediate feeling of that it is some kind of malevolent force threatening me
Well, there's a case to be made for the non-benevolence of Facebook :). But joking aside, sorry to hear it's still bugging you.


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Re: Venting thread

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Well. I am not going to school this semester. Family never paid up the requisite 250 bucks or so and I'm too stressed out anyway. My parents do not know this. My dad is gone from 7AM to 6-7PM, and my mom sleeps so late I can stay home in my room. When she gets up at around noon or 1 or 2PM, I just tell her that I went while she was asleep. They are so hands-off and don't ever ask me what I'm doing or anything. I feel kind of bad, but...I need this. I can definitely play this con all the way till summer, going by how little they interfered with my affairs the previous semesters.
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Re: Venting thread

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I am, in general, against cons.
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Re: Venting thread

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Can't sleep. Angry. Crying. So tired though.
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Re: Venting thread

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Imralu wrote:Can't sleep. Angry. Crying. So tired though.
That does suck. Are you feeling better now?
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Re: Venting thread

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Travis B. wrote:
Imralu wrote:Can't sleep. Angry. Crying. So tired though.
That does suck. Are you feeling better now?
Yeah, way better. Thanks! I stopped trying to sleep and kind of got up again and then I was fine.
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Re: Venting thread

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This is going to be a long week. Damn depression is acting up again now that I am off quetiapine (Seroquel for the rest of you)... and I'm still hallucinating, albeit weakly, indicating that part of that was not simply caused by the quetiapine... so I have to put up with this until at least this coming Thursday, when most likely I will be going on aripiprazole (Abilify for the rest of you), which should help with both, unless my psych just puts me back on quetiapine...
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Re: Venting thread

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Chagen wrote:Well. I am not going to school this semester. Family never paid up the requisite 250 bucks or so and I'm too stressed out anyway. My parents do not know this. My dad is gone from 7AM to 6-7PM, and my mom sleeps so late I can stay home in my room. When she gets up at around noon or 1 or 2PM, I just tell her that I went while she was asleep. They are so hands-off and don't ever ask me what I'm doing or anything. I feel kind of bad, but...I need this. I can definitely play this con all the way till summer, going by how little they interfered with my affairs the previous semesters.
You will not be able to 'play this con' all the way untill summer, and as a result you will be in an even worse situation with your family.
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Re: Venting thread

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Salmoneus wrote:You will not be able to 'play this con' all the way untill summer, and as a result you will be in an even worse situation with your family.
Though I agree it may sound unlikely, I'd think that Chagen only knows his (very disfunctional) family good enough to assess whether or not he can play it until summer, and besides, I think it's almost impossible for him to be in an even worse situation...


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Re: Venting thread

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Travis B. wrote:This is going to be a long week.
Good luck with it! I hope, as always, you'll pull through.


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Re: Venting thread

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I know this is not in the spirit of the venting thread, but I'm also broadly against the idea of trying to lie for so long - not for moral reasons because, with a family like Chagen's, you've just got to do what you've got to do to survive then, but just for practicality and consequences.

My younger brother once dropped out of uni and didn't tell anyone in the family. As my mother was getting something from the government because of having a dependent student in the house, after several months had gone by, she got a letter saying that she owed the government money because she had been falsely claiming this benefit with no students in the house. I had moved out by this stage, but it was an interesting time for my family.

Not a judgement though, Chagen - I just wish you luck!
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Re: Venting thread

Post by Travis B. »

Imralu wrote:I know this is not in the spirit of the venting thread, but I'm also broadly against the idea of trying to lie for so long - not for moral reasons because, with a family like Chagen's, you've just got to do what you've got to do to survive then, but just for practicality and consequences.

My younger brother once dropped out of uni and didn't tell anyone in the family. As my mother was getting something from the government because of having a dependent student in the house, after several months had gone by, she got a letter saying that she owed the government money because she had been falsely claiming this benefit with no students in the house. I had moved out by this stage, but it was an interesting time for my family.

Not a judgement though, Chagen - I just wish you luck!
I agree myself. Trying to maintain a lie becomes harder over time, and generally with more consequences when it is found out.
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