The Contradictory Feelings Thread

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Vijay
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Vijay »

I used to engage in somewhat less mild suicide ideation when I was younger myself. This was largely due to my lack of self-esteem and especially validation. There was no one to reliably reassure me that I wasn't a bad person. Fortunately, now there are people who can reassure me, so I know better.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by linguoboy »

Vijay wrote:I used to engage in somewhat less mild suicide ideation when I was younger myself. This was largely due to my lack of self-esteem and especially validation. There was no one to reliably reassure me that I wasn't a bad person. Fortunately, now there are people who can reassure me, so I know better.
I've always felt a call of the void (especially in risky situations), but it's always been answered by a panicked desire to live at whatever cost. Watching someone choose to end their life (albeit simply by refusing extraordinary means) forces you to confront some tough questions about how you figure out what to live for. I still want to live--there's so much out there I'm still curious about--but I no longer feel like I have to live, and there are definitely some things I don't want to live through. It's interesting how that shift colours your thinking about a lot of things.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

My first time participating in this thread.

I've had suicidal ideation before. I've been past there before. I still don't believe people's reassurances and am still recovering. My heavy usage of the board is in part a coping mechanism. If you want someone to relate to, feel free to e-mail me.
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by happybud »

Would incest be a normal feeling to have if you didn't live with your sibling/cousin all the time growing up?

I would assume so, but people automatically think it's wrong :/

Just met my cousin after not having seen her for most of our pre-teen / teenage years, and yeah - plenty of contradictory feelings here.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

@Happybud
I suggest you read marriage-equality.blogspot.com. It has a lot of information on this sort of thing. People are naturally attracted to those who exhibit similar phenotypes to themselves. Personally, I don't think consensual sex between adult relatives should be prohibited. I don't know about sexual relations specifically, but marrying a first cousin allowed in every blue place on this map as of March 2010 (light blue means it is legal with restrictions):Image
ìtsanso, God In The Mountain, may our names inspire the deepest feelings of fear in urkos and all his ilk, for we have saved another man from his lies! I welcome back to the feast hall kal, who will never gamble again! May the eleven gods bless him!
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by linguoboy »

Still feeling a bit shaken by yesterday's active shooter hoax. On the one hand, the training and preparation on the part of public services really helped reassure patrons and insure an efficient coordinated response. We should debrief with them and learn what we can do better to support them. (We weren't told in advance, for instance, that they'd be directing patrons to shelter in our workspaces, for instance.)

On the other, I hate the idea of normalising this by treating it as something in the same category as a fire or tornado. This is something that should be on the level of a surprise Presidential visit in terms of probability, something so extreme and rare that the ideas of having protocols in place just in case should be absurd.

And also:

It's good that the university has an emergency notification system in place and didn't hesitate to use it. I understand that they need to worry about liability and criticism should they ignore a real threat. They made an effort to be as transparent as possible in their reports and updated us frequently.

But they seriously need a more nuanced response than shutting down an entire 100 ha campus and forcing everyone into shelter because of a mere report of a shooting in one outlying building.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

I think that the protests will be enough to keep the protocols from normalising it. In the meanwhile, protocols for shootings can help save lives.
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

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mèþru wrote:I think that the protests will be enough to keep the protocols from normalising it. In the meanwhile, protocols for shootings can help save lives.
The protests are a relatively new thing. Meanwhile, I was remarking to one of my colleagues about the incredible sangfroid with which most of the students greeted the lockdown and they said, "They're used to it. We're the ones who haven't done this before." And it's true; most of these kids weren't even born when Columbine took place. Active shooter drills were as normal a part of their experience at school as tornado drills were for me or earthquake drills for Californians. In reality, it's already normalised and it's quixotic of me to even resist that.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

At the school I attend, we have lockdown and fire drills and that's it. I didn't realise others have had active shooter drills for years.
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Salmoneus »

What's a "lockdown drill"? [as distinct from an 'active shooter' drill? Why else would a school be on lockdown? In case someone's escaping with the nuclear codes or something?]


(I assume we had a fire drill once a term or something, though I don't actually remember them at secondary school. Detested them at university, though - every wednesday at some ungodly (to a student) hour of the morning, with fire alarms in each bedroom that were PAINFULLY loud. Though they weren't usually actually drills, just alarm tests)
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

Lockdown drills are for any emergency where evacuation would be inappropriate; an active shooter would definitely count as such as a situation. It is not specifically tailored to/meant for shootings though. We close the lights and windows, put black paper in front of door windows and all hide in the least visible part of the room from the entrances. We must do one of each drill type per a month.
ìtsanso, God In The Mountain, may our names inspire the deepest feelings of fear in urkos and all his ilk, for we have saved another man from his lies! I welcome back to the feast hall kal, who will never gamble again! May the eleven gods bless him!
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by linguoboy »

mèþru wrote:Lockdown drills are for any emergency where evacuation would be inappropriate; an active shooter would definitely count as such as a situation. It is not specifically tailored to/meant for shootings though. We close the lights and windows, put black paper in front of door windows and all hide in the least visible part of the room from the entrances. We must do one of each drill type per a month.
What other conceivable kind of situation would require such a response?

We had two kinds of drills when I was in school: fire drills and tornado drills. A fire drill is an evacuation drill; everyone is expected to leave the building as soon as possible via the nearest exit and meet at an assembly point for a head count. A tornado drill is a sheltering drill; everyone moves to the part of the building furthest from the windows and finds a place to duck and cover. If there wasn't time to leave the classroom, we were expected to duck and cover underneath our desks. What we did not do was take steps to conceal our presence. If anything, we wanted it to be as obvious as possible in case rescue workers needed to find us among the wreckage. (Moreover, you don't go anywhere near a window during a tornado drill and you sure the hell don't waste time putting black paper on it.)

This is why I wasn't prepared for a "lockdown". My first reaction was to take shelter in basement. But getting there would have required passing through a large brightly-lit corridor, which is exactly the kind of place you don't want to be in the presence of an active shooter. I eventually ended up remaining at my desk, which isn't in direct line of sight from any door or window. Plus it's surrounded by heavy furniture and objects which can be moved into place to form a barricade (something I joked with a coworker about doing) or flung and the nearest entrances all require keycode access.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

Our schools used to not put black paper. That's since a year or two ago. I remember we did these drills before Sandy Hook, albeit much less often. According an NJ govt website, the official name is "security drills".
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Salmoneus »

Maybe it a drill to protect students from marauding bears? I gather, from your secretary of education, that marauding bear attacks are a major threat in American schools these days?

Or it could be fire demons.
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Imralu »

linguoboy wrote:
mèþru wrote:Lockdown drills are for any emergency where evacuation would be inappropriate; an active shooter would definitely count as such as a situation. It is not specifically tailored to/meant for shootings though. We close the lights and windows, put black paper in front of door windows and all hide in the least visible part of the room from the entrances. We must do one of each drill type per a month.
What other conceivable kind of situation would require such a response?
a rabid bear attack ... a zombie event ... !?
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Imralu »

Damn you, Sal!
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

When I was little it was explained to me as being in case of an intruder. Nobody used the words "shooting" or "gun". The same govt page also cites it as being in case of bomb threats. After sifting through tons of statutes of education law I don't actually know what I'm saying anymore, so I'll just assume I'm wrong about everything.
ìtsanso, God In The Mountain, may our names inspire the deepest feelings of fear in urkos and all his ilk, for we have saved another man from his lies! I welcome back to the feast hall kal, who will never gamble again! May the eleven gods bless him!
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

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mèþru wrote:When I was little it was explained to me as being in case of an intruder. Nobody used the words "shooting" or "gun". The same govt page also cites it as being in case of bomb threats. After sifting through tons of statutes of education law I don't actually know what I'm saying anymore, so I'll just assume I'm wrong about everything.
Why would you hide in your rooms and put black paper over the windows in the case of a bomb threat? I would presume you would want to evacuate the entire area in a quick but orderly fashion.
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by mèþru »

Travis B. wrote:Why would you hide in your rooms and put black paper over the windows in the case of a bomb threat? I would presume you would want to evacuate the entire area in a quick but orderly fashion.
Welcome to New Jersey. This is how we think here.
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Vijay »

Well, this is awkward. I've had active shooter-related drills in school before, but I've experienced fire drills way more often. We've certainly never had active shooter-related drills at my workplace, but we've had at least two fire drills and one or two cases where the fire department was actually called in. We had one of each just within the past month. (The real one came before the drill, ironically).

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by linguoboy »

Blown an opportunity or dodged a bullet? It's so hard to tell sometimes.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Vijay »

Here in Austin, we had a bomb scare going on for almost a month until today. Don't rely on my understanding of what's been going on, but as I understand it, it's been like this: There were two packaged bombs followed by a bomb on a road in a residential neighborhood, followed by two more packaged bombs, one of which was caught before it exploded and the other of which exploded before it was delivered. It seems the police finally caught the culprit, who then committed suicide with yet another bomb. So maybe this has finally ended.

However, this culprit's neighborhood is much closer to my house than the sites of any of the explosions.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Salmoneus »

I've gradually been watching through a TV series online.

Only to discover: it's not actually finished yet. This is frustrating.

Specifically, I can't watch the final episode because it hasn't aired yet.

However: purely by coincidence, the final episode airs today. And I've only just watched the penultimate episode. So... that actually worked out pretty much perfectly... but I still feel sort of frustrated that this is the case entirely despite my own carelessness.
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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by jmcd »

When asked about one's values, do yous think it's appropriate to respond 'to be respected' and 'to not steal'?

I'm thinking about whether to leave my girlfriend and the main thing that blocks is the question of how to raise our hypothetical children, most particularly how to deal with misbehaviour. And other things about what is appropriate to do in life e.g. she thinks it's inappropriate to wear unironed clothes and I think it's inappopriate to chuck rubbish in a ravine.

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Re: The Contradictory Feelings Thread

Post by Vijay »

jmcd wrote:When asked about one's values, do yous think it's appropriate to respond 'to be respected' and 'to not steal'?
I don't know whether I'd say that's inappropriate per se, but it seems awfully vague in such an important context. To be fair, that question is pretty vague, too.

The sorts of things you talk about sound like largely cultural differences to me. I'm no expert on relationships or anything like that, but I think it may still be possible to work these things out if you're both willing to compromise on (some of) these differences and/or try to understand the other person's perspective.

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