The Official ZBB Quote Thread

[masako]

Traditionally, I must make a joke implying I've had sexual intercourse with yours, this is what the honor of my people demands.

[Cedh]

you're just like an irregular verb in a foreign language - lots of people get angry because you don't fit into the regular common easy-to-understand boxes, but still they can't do anything about it because that's just the way it is.

but they can. levelling happens all the time!

I want to see some fascist dictator describe ethnic cleansing in the language of diachronic phonology.

"The Gypsies are like a glottal stop, wedged in our otherwise sonority hierarchy-compliant consonant cluster! They must be... elided."

[Whimemsz]

I've got a system for rating public toilets ... it grades what level of horror the bathroom inspires in you based on what rhetorical question you are left with
level 0 is the completely unremarkable experience we all hope we'll have when we use a public or business's toilet
level 1 is a "who" facility. You walk in and you say like "aw man, who pissed all over the seat" or "dammit, who left wet paper towels all over the counter"
level 2 is a "why" facility. You ask angrier questions like "jesus fuck why would someone shit on the seat, what is wrong with people" or "why would anyone lay toilet paper on the seat as a sanitary barrier, and then piss all over it, leaving wet pissy paper all over the seat. why would anyone ever do a thing like that?"
but level 3 or "how" facilities inspire questions where there is no room for anger any more, just pure bewilderment: "how did someone get shit on the light fixture?" or "how did a human being manage to fill the bowl to the brim with foamy liquid shit?"

And if anyone says these things don't get that bad, you're wrong. Level 1 is the standard for facilities in fast food restaurants, level 2 is standard for gas stations or public facilities accessible from the outdoors, and level 3 is standard for facilities attached to a public pool.

[Mr. Z]

I've got a system for rating public toilets ... it grades what level of horror the bathroom inspires in you based on what rhetorical question you are left with
level 0 is the completely unremarkable experience we all hope we'll have when we use a public or business's toilet
level 1 is a "who" facility. You walk in and you say like "aw man, who pissed all over the seat" or "dammit, who left wet paper towels all over the counter"
level 2 is a "why" facility. You ask angrier questions like "jesus fuck why would someone shit on the seat, what is wrong with people" or "why would anyone lay toilet paper on the seat as a sanitary barrier, and then piss all over it, leaving wet pissy paper all over the seat. why would anyone ever do a thing like that?"
but level 3 or "how" facilities inspire questions where there is no room for anger any more, just pure bewilderment: "how did someone get shit on the light fixture?" or "how did a human being manage to fill the bowl to the brim with foamy liquid shit?"

And if anyone says these things don't get that bad, you're wrong. Level 1 is the standard for facilities in fast food restaurants, level 2 is standard for gas stations or public facilities accessible from the outdoors, and level 3 is standard for facilities attached to a public pool.

He forgot the "what" facility: "What is that blue-ish thingy around me? That's not shit, it's not brown enough... What the fuck. I gotta get out of here! AHHHHH!"

[Pinetree]

I've got a system for rating public toilets ... it grades what level of horror the bathroom inspires in you based on what rhetorical question you are left with
level 0 is the completely unremarkable experience we all hope we'll have when we use a public or business's toilet
level 1 is a "who" facility. You walk in and you say like "aw man, who pissed all over the seat" or "dammit, who left wet paper towels all over the counter"
level 2 is a "why" facility. You ask angrier questions like "jesus fuck why would someone shit on the seat, what is wrong with people" or "why would anyone lay toilet paper on the seat as a sanitary barrier, and then piss all over it, leaving wet pissy paper all over the seat. why would anyone ever do a thing like that?"
but level 3 or "how" facilities inspire questions where there is no room for anger any more, just pure bewilderment: "how did someone get shit on the light fixture?" or "how did a human being manage to fill the bowl to the brim with foamy liquid shit?"

And if anyone says these things don't get that bad, you're wrong. Level 1 is the standard for facilities in fast food restaurants, level 2 is standard for gas stations or public facilities accessible from the outdoors, and level 3 is standard for facilities attached to a public pool.

He forgot the "what" facility: "What is that blue-ish thingy around me? That's not shit, it's not brown enough... What the fuck. I gotta get out of here! AHHHHH!"

Or the "when" facility: "When was this place last cleaned? The 50s?"

[Pole, the]

Or "where" facility: "Where the fəck am I in, the toilet or the cesspit?"

[ol bofosh]

Or "how long?" How long will this area be defined as a environmental catastrophe?

[Thry]

How much: how much hate does this person hold for humanity in his heart? Or how much **** does this person hold in his inside?

[Torco]

you're just like an irregular verb in a foreign language - lots of people get angry because you don't fit into the regular common easy-to-understand boxes, but still they can't do anything about it because that's just the way it is.

but they can. levelling happens all the time!

I want to see some fascist dictator describe ethnic cleansing in the language of diachronic phonology.

"The Gypsies are like a glottal stop, wedged in our otherwise sonority hierarchy-compliant consonant cluster! They must be... elided."

If I ever write a scifi novel about a dystopian future, they will call genocide 'elision'.

[Torco]

insert random interrogative word
reference a possible exclamation using that word that references the lack of maintenance of a public sanitary facility
repeat
next subject

[Kereb]

y'all are missing the point. The three-level system works.

[Thry]

insert random interrogative word
reference a possible exclamation using that word that references the lack of maintenance of a public sanitary facility
repeat
next subject

you miss the funny-haha part

[Torco]

insert random interrogative word
reference a possible exclamation using that word that references the lack of maintenance of a public sanitary facility
repeat
next subject

you miss the funny-haha part

there isn't one, was my point

[Thry]

insert random interrogative word
reference a possible exclamation using that word that references the lack of maintenance of a public sanitary facility
repeat
next subject

you miss the funny-haha part

there isn't one, was my point

why so serious?

[Mr. Z]

insert random interrogative word
reference a possible exclamation using that word that references the lack of maintenance of a public sanitary facility
repeat
next subject

you miss the funny-haha part

there isn't one, was my point

There was, until it was ruined.

I still believe the "what" level should be number 4. :/

[Torco]

insert random interrogative word
reference a possible exclamation using that word that references the lack of maintenance of a public sanitary facility
repeat
next subject

you miss the funny-haha part

there isn't one, was my point

why so serious?

i iz no sryus, i iz no laff at no funny stuff. iz difference

[Qwynegold]

I have a friend I came onto, but he didn't want me.

Is it just my L2 knowledge of English or does this sound a bit... vulgar?

I think what you're thinking of is 'coming on' someone. 'coming onto' just means blatant flirting.
Although I guess the first one is pretty blatant as well.

[Zontas]

He also forgot the whence level.

"Whence did this mass of shit get on the fucking floor?! Do elephants use this toilet stall?!!

Edit: Fuck! I'm late.

[Ser]

I still believe the "what" level should be number 4. :/

Nah, "what!?" is such an everyday, normal, instinctive reaction—if anything it should level 0.

"What!? I-, i-, i-... it is actually perfectly clean."

[Cthulhu_Inc]

Nah, a clean, state of the art toilet would rank a -1.

[Jerian]

First we have to pinpoint some stuff on this scale:

-at what point on this scale is the toilet at your home located at. Being the most comfortable toilet in the world, it needs to be the standard which everything builds off of.

-crapping in the woods. I think this should be the median. 0. the higher the number, the shittier the toilet, the lower, the cleaner.

[Pthagnar]

-at what point on this scale is the toilet at your home located at. Being the most comfortable toilet in the world, it needs to be the standard which everything builds off of.

check ur privilege imho

[Torco]

indeed, but this

-crapping in the woods. I think this should be the median. 0. the higher the number, the shittier the toilet, the lower, the cleaner.

crapping in the woods is a bad zero because its level of acceptability is wildly variable: I'll crap in the woods with little to no discomfort, others will do so only in extreme circumstances, its so unpleasant for them.

[Pole, the]

I'm a white, practicing protestant, and if that weren't bad alone, I grew up in a mostly rural area of Germany (both of my grandfathers served in the Wehrmacht during WW2), and I'm originally from the very south of the country. I'm not even in denial of that.

According to Eddylogic, this makes me a redneck nazi of the most dangerous kind. The Left would probably immediately lynch me, come the Revolution.

[dunomapuka]

Jay, to Eddy:

3. No one is going to shove a soft-boiled egg up your rectum, either, or whatever other ridiculous thing you fear.