the Old Granny thread

[Dewrad]

Chili Nirvana

This, my friends, is probably the most prized recipe in my repetoire. I first started eating chili when I was around 14 or so: my mother would make it for me with a can of beans, some minced beef, a can of tomatoes and a packet of Schwartz "chili con carne" mix. I fell in love with the dish and would request it ad infinitum until she'd finally had enough of cooking a year later and told me to make my own damn dinner. Prejudiced even at that tender age, I decided to eschew packet mixes and start from first principles (packet sauces are of the devil and to be shunned). Over the past decade, I have steadily refined and tweaked this recipe until it approaches perfection. This recipe has gained me sexual favours several times, and the offer of cold hard cash at least three times. As such, it should only be cooked by consenting adults.


You will need:

half a kilo of minced (ground in the US, I believe?) beef. I've used all sorts of beef here, and have found lean steak mince to be the best.
1 x 400g can of crushed tomatoes in their own juice. Avoid anything with added stuff (galic, herbs etc.)
2 x 400g cans of red kidney beans (again, plain)

So far so standard. Heavy on the beans, maybe, but I love beans in chili: for me chili is about two main elements: heat and a deep, rich umami mouthfeel. Beans help here.

You will also need:

ghee - get this from an Indian grocer. Two dessertspoonsful should be enough.
1/2 teaspoon kalonji (nigella/black mustard seeds)
2 teaspoons ground coriander
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 teaspoon ginger
2 1/2 teaspoons red chili
2 1/2 teaspoons garlic

(note on the last three: UK residents have the luck of being able to use Tesco's really good range of fresh purees here, which is what I do myself. Alternatively, you can get equivalent amounts fresh garlic, root ginger and chilis and prepare them yourself)

1 tablespoon milk
20 cl lager (preferably not big-brand American shite, as it tastes like piss. I use Kronenbourg 1664, because that's what I generally drink for preference)
1 lime
1 tablespoon tomato paste/puree
2 teaspoons honey.

Method:

In a pestle and mortar, crush the kalonji and add the dry spices (cinnamon, cumin and coriander). Set to one side.

Melt the ghee and bring to a medium-high heat. Add the beef and brown, which should take some five minutes. Add the spice mix and the spice purees (or however you've prepared the garlic, ginger and chilis) and cook for a further two minutes. Reduce the heat a tad and add the beer. Cook, while stirring, until most of the liquid has been cooked off. Add the beans, crushed tomatoes and tomato puree and stir to combine. You will probably need to add a canful of water- use the tomato can to get all the tomatoey goodness out. Stir, bring to a gentle simmer and add the honey. Leave to cook for an hour or so, stirring regularly to prevent it from sticking to the bottom of the pan. If it starts looking too dry, top it up with a dash of water.

About five to ten minutes before you intend on consuming the chili, add the juice of one lime and a dash of milk. Your resultant chili should be thick, rich and smooth, with a surprising kick of heat on the finish. Serve with rice and sour cream, or in a flour tortilla with grated cheese, guacamole, sour cream and some lettuce. Or in a jacket potato. Or on toast. Or just eat it straight from the pan. If you can exercise restraint and not eat the whole lot in one go, it tastes even better reheated the following day.

[finlay]

I got my chilli recipe out of a book and then tweaked it a bit for my taste... I've never put that second block of ingredients in it, but they look interesting... I also don't really know what ghee or kalonji are, and I'll always cut up fresh chillies. (as I like it really spicy, although sometimes I end up putting in too many, annoyingly. there has to be a balance...)

Anyway, partly on the advice of whatever book it was, I tend to put in shitloads of mince, so that it makes a huge batch and I can eat it over the next 3/4 days. That saves an awful lot of hassle when you're only cooking for yourself. And I also put in two tins of tomatoes and one of kidney beans, but meh.

By the time it gets to the simmering stage I'm always starving... and I get to that stage and just throw in whichever spices catch my eye, for a bit of extra flavour or something.

[Salmoneus]

There's a couple of flaws in that recipe that I can see, Dew:

1. It's got beans in it. Is there any purpose in the universe to beans?* Yes, I'll have the slimy capsules of dry grit, please.

2. It has cumin in it. Cumin is the spice that people add to food to make it inedible. Or if they really need food with a smell that can make glass erode.

3. It has coriander in it. I don't know what coriander really tastes like (other than the fresh leaves, obviously), but since it's absolutely always found in conjunction with cumin it presumably can't be other than evil.

4. Isn't mustard that isn't english mustard a form of high treason?

5. Ghee. I've never had ghee. I've never seen ghee. I've never heard anyone in real life say the word 'ghee'. At least I don't think I have, though never having heard it pronounced, I couldn't really say with certainty. Pray tell, what i ghee actually for? The only explanations I've seen have begun with "because they didn't have..." and have ended with "...and now increasingly rarely used".






*Yes. Monkfish, chorizo and vermouth tagliatelle with some italian bean I can't remember which. Very nice, although you need to have just the right amount of chorizo, and in as small pieces as you can get. And frankly I'm not convinced it couldn't be improved by having something else instead of the beans.

OK, also edamame beans, and other fresh green beans, when in a healthy salad with bulgar wheat or something.

[Dewrad]

Re: points 1-3: So you just don't actually like chili then?

4. Isn't mustard that isn't english mustard a form of high treason?

Surely in my case it would be a mark of patriotism then?

5. Ghee. I've never had ghee. I've never seen ghee. I've never heard anyone in real life say the word 'ghee'. At least I don't think I have, though never having heard it pronounced, I couldn't really say with certainty. Pray tell, what i ghee actually for? The only explanations I've seen have begun with "because they didn't have..." and have ended with "...and now increasingly rarely used".

Bloody hell. I didn't know you lived out in the sticks. I get my ghee from Tesco's: they have a rather surprising range. Personally, I quite like a brand by the name of "Plough". It has a rather jolly looking cow on the tub and some Devanagari text. Ghee is used for adding pretentious middle class ethnic cachet to your home-cooked curries etc. It turns out that it also makes a tasty substitute for sunflower oil et hoc genus omne (it makes the meat taste meatier, oddly, for all that the stuff in question looks and smells like rancid butter.)

[brandrinn]

Isn't mustard that isn't english mustard a form of high treason?

No more treasonous than an Englishman expressing a hatred for beans.

EDIT: OK, I'll contribute: for dinner tonight I made a toasted turkey club with bacon, tomato, and avocado, a waldorf salad, and rice with a salmon bisque sauce, all washed down with traditional Korean rice wine. The "bisque sauce" was an immediate invention, since I have no earthly idea how people make bisque in the real world. I just cooked tomatoes and milk at a low heat until it reduced to the right consistency, then added salmon, dill, and a dab of sour cream at the very end.

[Corumayas]

Dew: kalonji is not the same as black mustard. Of course I've never had either-- nor ghee, ginger, milk, beer, lime, or honey, as far as I know-- in chili... your recipe should be called Chili Indo-Britannica.

Chili powder minimally contains ground chilies, cumin, oregano, and garlic. So oregano is the only essential ingredient you're missing-- although I'd probably put in some onion, more tomatoes, and a generous pinch of salt. And I wouldn't normally put it in a burrito, but that's just me.

That said, for something completely different look up Cincinnati chili sometime.

[Salmoneus]

Re: points 1-3: So you just don't actually like chili then?

Nobody likes chili. It's all a giant fraud to make people look trendy and american. Nobody could like chili. The only person who could think that chili tasted nice would be someone who had grown up eating only curry. As chili is essentially weak curry with beans in. All chili and curry taste identical, save for variation on the falvour/blandness scale and the piquant/not scale. The flavour is always the same: cumin.

4. Isn't mustard that isn't english mustard a form of high treason?

Surely in my case it would be a mark of patriotism then?

You forget that you're actually English. Wales is a social contruct for the purposes of sneaking additional sports teams into international competitions. You don't even have your own cricket board!

5. Ghee. I've never had ghee. I've never seen ghee. I've never heard anyone in real life say the word 'ghee'. At least I don't think I have, though never having heard it pronounced, I couldn't really say with certainty. Pray tell, what i ghee actually for? The only explanations I've seen have begun with "because they didn't have..." and have ended with "...and now increasingly rarely used".

Bloody hell. I didn't know you lived out in the sticks. I get my ghee from Tesco's: they have a rather surprising range. Personally, I quite like a brand by the name of "Plough". It has a rather jolly looking cow on the tub and some Devanagari text. Ghee is used for adding pretentious middle class ethnic cachet to your home-cooked curries etc. It turns out that it also makes a tasty substitute for sunflower oil et hoc genus omne (it makes the meat taste meatier, oddly, for all that the stuff in question looks and smells like rancid butter.)

[/quote]
I live in Souf London - and thus have access only to a tiny Tescos. And a tiny Somerfield, with identical produce. And a slightly larger Iceland, with fewer things at a cheaper price. And soon there'll be a tiny Sainsbury's opposite the tiny Tescos and the tiny Somerfield (which are adjacent), which appears to be the same size as them, and which will no doubt have exactly the same produce. Krakerwheat biscuits cannot be found, and I think there's only one brand of pesto in town . There is what claims to be a caribbean and halal ingredients shop, but actually it seems only to sell Kelloggs cereal and a wide range of alcohol, leading me to suspect my impressions of carribbeeaann (taking no chances with the spelling there) cuisine have been misinformed. [We have three jamaican jerk and barbecued chicken shops, but I'm not going to go in any of them ever].

For pretentiousness, I make risotto with red wine, beef stock, creamed coconut and thai fish sauce

[Dewrad]

Dew: kalonji is not the same as black mustard.

Black onion seed is what I meant, dammit! I just know it as kalonji, though.

Of course I've never had either-- nor ghee, ginger, milk, beer, lime, or honey, as far as I know-- in chili... your recipe should be called Chili Indo-Britannica.

The ghee, milk and honey I can understand, but I'm surprised by the lack of ginger and lime: ginger can be found on packet chili mixes here in the UK at least, and Heston Blumenthal refers several times to lime being used in US chili cookoffs.

Chili powder minimally contains ground chilies, cumin, oregano, and garlic. So oregano is the only essential ingredient you're missing-- although I'd probably put in some onion, more tomatoes, and a generous pinch of salt. And I wouldn't normally put it in a burrito, but that's just me.

The two things that are normally considered "essential" but I'm missing (oregano and onion) are through conscious choice, I will admit. Oregano adds nothing to the flavour complex at all: its lighter warmth is completely obliterated and all it does is give an umami base note- which in my recipe is replaced by the more effective ghee/kalonji mix. The lack of onions is just because my better half can't stand them. And I don't like too much tomato flesh personally, hence the addition of tomato puree. Furthermore, I see no point in instructing people to add salt to a recipe except where it's integral to the recipe: those who like salt will add it to taste anyway, while those who don't won't. (I chuck in a pinch of coarse ground sea salt some five minutes before eating it, with the lime, as I like the salty bite it gives. I also sometimes add tequila at the same time, for the full margarita experience.)

Re: points 1-3: So you just don't actually like chili then?

Nobody likes chili. It's all a giant fraud to make people look trendy and american. Nobody could like chili. The only person who could think that chili tasted nice would be someone who had grown up eating only curry.

In the interests of full disclosure, I will note that I spent a significant period of my formative years in the Midlands.

For pretentiousness, I make risotto with red wine, beef stock, creamed coconut and thai fish sauce

Might I recommend substituting the red wine with an obscure brand of vermouth for added pretentiousness? Having nicked a bottle of Noilly Prat from work for no good reason, I found myself using it as I would wine. While unsuccessful in chicken soup, it did wonders for risotto.

[Radius Solis]

I have thus far only once tried to make homemade chili... I'll have to do it again sometime. The first experience turned out quite decently, save for the little flaw that, out of temporary medical necessity, I was forced to make it in a very-low-sodium fashion, and the near total lack of salt was a bit of a flavor issue.

Also: putting beans in chili is a very abomination, arising from American cultural imperialism, and so it MUST be abandoned IMMEDIATELY because their mealy texture is factually incorrect, circa 2004.

[linguoboy]

Holy Week snuck up on me this year, so I'm a Sunday late in making my carlins. Fortunately they're tasty any time.

I won't even call this a "recipe" because it's really only a technique for preparing carling peas (a.k.a. pigeon peas, Cajanus cajan, toor, toovar, and lord knows what else). You can make them sweet or sour, but sweet-sour is my favourite.

1. Take a mess of pigeon peas. Soak 'em in at least double the amount of water, overnight if possible. (If you start late, you can put them in boiling water to soak for an hour, but this will double the cooking time.) Drain.

2. Put them in a large stewpot of fresh water and boil until tender but not mushy. (I don't add any garni at this stage, but I guess you could.) This is about twenty minutes to half-an-hour if you've soaked them overnight, an hour or so if you haven't. Drain again.

3. Heat a large skillet and grease generously with your preferred animal fat. (Suet seems to be traditional in the North, but I prefer butter--thinned with olive oil if I'm feeling particularly healthy.) Sautée the peas for a few minutes.

At this point, you can simply salt and pepper them and call it a day, but I don't like to stop here. For sour peas, you can add a tablespoon or so of malt or cider vinegar and continue sautéeing until it cooks in. For sweet, add brown sugar to taste and a splash of rum.

Personally, I like sweet-sour, so what I tend to do is add both cider vinegar and apple cider (American-style, i.e. unfiltered unfermented apple juice). I suppose you could use hard cider instead, but depending on the sweetness you might want some additional brown sugar.

The cooked peas store well and, in fact, improve in flavour in the fridge. I haven't tried freezing them yet, but I imagine that would work well, too.

[Radius Solis]

Well, I learned something interesting about a week ago. I was doing some slightly experimental but not earth-shatteringly so cooking, with the vague intention of basically putting beef in enchilada sauce for a spaghetti sauce-over. It turns out that if you make enchilada sauce like normal, except in a pan you've just browned some tender fatty beef and some onions in, and let the total simmer covered for half an hour or so, what comes out the other end of the process is..... chili. Serious chili, all meaty and stewy, not the crap that comes from using ground beef and a "recipe" (with all respect to Dew).

(For reference, proper enchilada sauce is as follows: chili powder, garlic powder, sugar, and cumin, simmered for a bit in chicken stock, and thickened with cornstarch and a very little bit of tomato paste. All measurements are simply "to taste".)

[Gulliver]

Gulliver's "It tastes like sexy" Scrambled Tofu

1/2 block softish tofu
1 small onion/2 spring onions
garlic, if that's your thing
some curry powder/turmeric/cumin/garam masala or whatever
tomato puree
mixed spices (italian or otherwise)
some mustard maybe?
seeds taste nice in this and add crunchiness
soy sauce
2 tablespoons nutritional yeast

1 - Fry the onion, tofu and spices (and maybe some peas or spinach or something)
2 - Add everything else
3 - Fry it more
4 - If you want it moister, add some soya milk or non-sweet rice milk
5 - Eat it with your face
6 - Jizz your culinary pants

This is just amazing. From what I've read, about every vegan has invented some form of this independantly. It is honestly one of the tastiest things I've eaten, ever.

It's good on toast, maybe with some marmite/vegemite.

[jmcd]

I used to eat this:
http://www.marmiton.org/recettes/recett ... ette=38696
often in Reunion but I can't seem to find the word for it in any other language. Does anyone know?

4. Isn't mustard that isn't english mustard a form of high treason?

Surely in my case it would be a mark of patriotism then?

You forget that you're actually English. Wales is a social contruct for the purposes of sneaking additional sports teams into international competitions. You don't even have your own cricket board!

That's because cricket's for boring toffs.

[din]

What?

I'd never checked this thread before, because I thought it was about complaining, old people-style.

It's about cooking?

Damn, I've missed out. All those years.

I'm a very experimental cook, especially for lunch. My most recent wtf-creation was a pancake based on flour made from sunflower and sesame seeds. (I made the flour myself)

Make sure you still have an egg if you should try it--my pancake could have benefited from it.

But really, it was one of those: "oh, interesting. next!" experiences

I'll be reading this thread, slowly but surely, over the next few months. I'm on p1 now

[Wycoval]

I was whipping up something for dinner yesterday evening out of whatever I could find around the house (like normal) when I came up with a very good recipe. One of the best things I've tasted in quite a while.

I had some orange roughy filets - a mild whitefish - and I thought I could do something with that. My herb garden is just starting to get big enough to snitch bits from, all except the marjoram that grows like a weed. I've had to harvest it twice already just to keep it in control. Marjoram is so mild that I hardly ever use it, and sometimes I just end up pitching it out.

Suddenly it occurred to me - marjoram pesto. I brought out the marjoram, stripped the leaves and chopped them up a bit, and also chopped in a sprig of parsley and a sprig of hot Greek oregano for a little kick. I didn't have any pine nuts but I did have some pecans and they worked very well.

I hate cleaning up blenders and processors, so I came up with a low-tech way of getting the herbs to the right consistency. I had just run three cloves of garlic through my hand-held garlic press, and I wondered if I could extrude the herbs with it. I loaded up the garlic press with the roughly chopped herbs and gave it a squeeze. Et voila! Success. Perfect consistency.

I blended the herbs, finely mashed-up pecans (they wouldn't go through the garlic press), parmesan (just regular sprinkle cheese - I didn't have any fresh), and olive oil and gave a taste. Wow. It actually had a pretty good kick and was much sharper than I expected.

I smeared about a tablespoon or a little more on each fish filet and stuck them under the broiler until the edges started to turn brown. The flavor was amazing. Cooking the pesto had mellowed it out a bit and gave it a roasty-toasty flavor that perfectly complimented the mild fish. A great new recipe for the family cookbook.

Broiled Whitefish Filets with Marjoram-Pecan Pesto

1 - 1 1/2 cups fresh marjoram leaves
1/4 cup chopped fresh parsley
1 Tbsp fresh Greek oregano leaves
2 - 3 cloves garlic
2 Tbsp chopped pecans
1/3 cup grated parmesan
2 Tbsp (+/-) extra virgin olive oil
Pinch of salt

Blend the above ingredients into a paste. Thickly spread 1 Tbsp (+/-) on each fish filet and broil until the edges start to brown.

[schwhatever]

I don't even have a name for these, but I make them every once and a while.

Nameless Recipe:

oil or butter (to sauté)
Broccoli cuts - 2 cups (probably 1 or 2 stalks)
Chunky Peanut butter - about 2 cups
Milk - about 2 cups
Kaffir Lime Leaves - three or four small leaves
cinnamon - 2 tsp - 2 tbsps (depending on taste)
curry powder - to taste
Tortilla/Crêpe/Whathaveyou - several (2-3)

So, unless you buy pre-cut broccoli, you're probably used to throwing out a far amount of the stalk, especially if the whole head starts going bad. Don't. Start chopping around the edge of the head (a little bit of the head is nice) and only throw out the bits if they're whitish inside (pale is ok, but white is too hard and needs to cook too long).

Melt the butter/pour the oil in a pan you can sauté in.

Dump about half of the spices and peanut butter into the pan. Once the oil/butter has all been absorbed drop the heat and pour in half of the milk. Stir while bringing the heat back up.

Add the rest of the spices and the kaffir lime leaves (crush them first). Throw in the broccoli stuff. After a short amount of time, add the rest of the peanut butter.

If it's too dry, add more milk until wet enough. If too wet, turn up the heat for a minute or so.

Once you like the consistency (don't cook it more than 5 minutes or so, or else the broccoli could get dried out), put it in a tortilla/crêpe/whatever and eat. I wouldn't recommend serving it with rice or otherwise mixing it in with anything since the whole point more or less is to get something thick enough to eat inside of the crêpe burrito, and the broccoli give it a wonderful crunch.

(Disclaimer: I used organic peanut butter and organic milk, so I didn't need to add sweeteners. If you're using non-organic it might not work out that way).

(Any ideas for names?)

Goy Charoset:

That's right. Charoset. But not exactly.

Apples - 3 or 4 apples depending on size (should be about 2.5 cups or so chopped)
Nuts - 1/2 a cup chopped
Cinnamon - to taste (recommended, 1.5 tbsp)
Ground Cloves - to taste
Honeywater - about 1/8th of a cup maybe a little more (optional)

As for nuts, I try to use either Almonds or Pistachios or both, but I've used Pecans before without issue. Throw all of the ingredients except the honeywater into a bowl. Stir.

If the apples aren't coated with the spices, add more spices. If the mixture is too dry pour in some honeywater, mixing warmed honey with water until it's well mixed.

Serve alone, with ice cream, whatever.

[rickardspaghetti]

"Kladd spaghetti" AKA "damn simple carbonara"

For 4 people

Ingredients:
500g of spaghetti
2 packs of bacon
2 eggs
1dl of milk or cream
any kind of oil (I prefer rape oil)
salt
black pepper

How to:
boil up water in a big pot and start cooking the spaghetti.
slice the bacon into even pieces and fry. (no oil or fat needed)
mix egg and milk(or cream) in a cup.
pour over the spaghetti in a sieve when it's done and add some oil in the empty pot. (you can also use the bacon fat, but not exclusively)
put the spaghetti back in the pot and mix it around in the oil.
add the bacon and mix it around again.
then you add the egg mix and mix around one more time as you add salt and black pepper.
ready to serve!

[schwhatever]

Oatmeal Clumps: (about enough to two people)

Basis:
-1.5 to 2 cups Plain Whole Yogurt
-2 tsp Cinnamon (or more to taste)
-Honey and/or Sugar to taste (recommended 1 tbsp)
-2 tsp Cocoa Powder
-1 tbsp Smooth Peanut Butter (recommended without added oil)

Mix all of it together in a bowl with a spoon or whatever. I recommend also using a blender if you don't want little nuggets of peanut butter. When blended to your satisfaction, refrigerate until cool. It should have a very thin consistency, but if it doesn't add a small amount of water (an eighth of a cup maybe).

Extras:
-1 to 2 cups Oatmeal (I used instant because it's all I had, but any type should work)
-Optional additions (chocolate ships, chopped dried fruits, chopped nuts, chopped flax seed, etc)

Having mixed these in with the earlier base, it should be flexible and quite malleable, but still relatively thick.

Scoop out chunks about the size of a fourth of a cup, and either lay them out on a flat cooking sheet or with one chunk per divot with a muffin tin or whatever. Cook at 350 F for around 6 minutes, until a fork goes through them and comes out relatively clean. Best eaten immediately and warm.

[dhok]

Molasses Crinkles
This is a family recipe (my mother's original); but it's not exactly a secret. So I have no qualms about sharing it.
You'll need:
1.5 cups Crisco
2 cups brown sugar (I find that a cup of light brown and a cup of dark brown works best)
2 eggs
.5 cups molasses
4.5 cups flour
4 teaspoons baking soda
.5 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon cloves
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons ginger (powdered of course.)
Little plate with white sugar on it

Mix the Crisco, sugar, eggs and molasses thoroughly (an electric mixer does this well). Stir in the dry ingredients. Roll the dough into little balls-about ping-pong sized is best. Roll them in sugar from the plate. Place them on greased baking sheets (about 24 per sheet). Sprinkle each cookie with a bit of water so it crinkles. Bake 10-12 minutes at 375 degrees (Fahrenheit), until just set but not hard. This recipe makes a lot of cookies-anywhere from 70-90, depending on how much dough you put into each cookie. Luckily they keep pretty well in Ziplocs.

[Raluv]

I've thought about putting something on this thread for a long time. This one is more home cooking: a comfort food for me; not as sophisticated as some other recipes on here. Here goes nothing.

Jello Salad*
1 packet Strawberry Jello
10-12oz. crushed pineapple
2 smaller bananas (sliced)
1 small tub o' Cool Whip
1-2 handfuls of mini marshmallows (optional)

Prepare Jello in bowl regularly, allow to set up about halfway (~1.5 hrs in the fridge). Stir in pineapple, sliced bananas, and marshmallows, making sure that they are evenly distributed. Swirl in Cool Whip, making sure to leave alternating bands of Cool Whip/Jello. Refridgerate until completely set up. Enjoy as breakfast, side-dish, or dessert!

*One of many variations (there's also carrot, cranberry, etc.)

[dunomapuka]

Anything involving Cool Whip is a great irritation to me, probably because making whipped cream is so easy. Therefore:

Whipped Cream
-some heavy cream (will probably use less than half a pint, unless preparing for lots of people)
-confectioner's sugar to taste (I'm good with just a teaspoon or two, you might want more)
-a drop or two of vanilla extract

Combine ingredients in a bowl. Whip until cream forms fluffy texture with solid peaks. An electric mixer is unwieldy and unnecessary for this purpose. You can use an egg beater I guess, but I like to just use a fork.

Some online recipes are saying to add the sugar and vanilla only midway through the whipping process, but this is news to me. I'll investigate if it makes any lick o' difference.

[Dewrad]

Anything involving Cool Whip is a great irritation to me, probably because making whipped cream is so easy. Therefore:

Whipped Cream
-some heavy cream (will probably use less than half a pint, unless preparing for lots of people)
-confectioner's sugar to taste (I'm good with just a teaspoon or two, you might want more)
-a drop or two of vanilla extract

Combine ingredients in a bowl. Whip until cream forms fluffy texture with solid peaks. An electric mixer is unwieldy and unnecessary for this purpose. You can use an egg beater I guess, but I like to just use a fork.

Some online recipes are saying to add the sugar and vanilla only midway through the whipping process, but this is news to me. I'll investigate if it makes any lick o' difference.

May Satan take thee. That's not whipped cream, it's cheapo crème Chantilly. Whipped cream is simply made by whipping cream- no more than that.

[Radius Solis]

And now, for a comic interlude, I present another episode of:



MEAT DISGUISED AS A HAT

[Gulliver]

I hereby assert that I am going to make tofu makhani this evening, although I might use chickpeas instead of tofu.

Assuming, that is, that I go and buy some coriander (which is allegedly called cilantro in Canadia).

[Wycoval]

Coriander is the seed, cilantro is the plant/leaves.