the Old Granny thread

[Torco]

still, admit it, my idiosyncratic and accenty prose is exotic and interesting.

It's mildly endearing, yes.

mildly? now you're just being shy about it

[Astraios]

mildly? now you're just being shy about it

Okay, how about "I love it and it makes me want you so bad"?

[Torco]

Better

[Qwynegold]

Almond Freaks:
1.5 Cups Almonds
Water
Honey
Dried Fruits/Marshmellows/Spice/Whatever (optional)

Using a mortar and pestle or chopping until you wish you were Freddy Cougar, turn half of the almonds into little more than corse flour. Mix with water until forms a gel. Add more chopped almonds, honey and optional crap. Form into cakes and bake for 5-10 minutes (put on a non-stick surface). Allow to cool and enjoy.

Mmm, that sounds tasty. I must check if there are ready ground almonds in the store...

[Qwynegold]

Almond Freaks:
1.5 Cups Almonds
Water
Honey
Dried Fruits/Marshmellows/Spice/Whatever (optional)

Using a mortar and pestle or chopping until you wish you were Freddy Cougar, turn half of the almonds into little more than corse flour. Mix with water until forms a gel. Add more chopped almonds, honey and optional crap. Form into cakes and bake for 5-10 minutes (put on a non-stick surface). Allow to cool and enjoy.

Mmm, that sounds tasty. I must check if there are ready ground almonds in the store...

ffffffuuuuuuuuuu

The ingredients were fucking expensive, and it was a spectacular fail. The mixture just wouldn't hold together, and the dried fruit made it taste like Chistmas cake. I had a little bit of chocolate that I then chopped up and sprinkled on top in the hopes of it helping bind everything together, but the chocolate wouldn't melt. In 175°C! WTF?

[Radius Solis]

Burritos carne adobo de la Tía Sophia en Santa Fe

Please excuse my Spanish, I had to rely on Google Translate. The name of the restaurant was Tia Sophia's, but the older lady who served us may have been Tia Sophia herself. I have no way to know for sure, but just from watching her behavior, I thought she very likely owned or ran the restaurant (especially in how she took everything we said about the food as a personal compliment) and chose to be the waitress simply out of love for talking to all the customers that she happily bounced between, welcoming them all as though to her home. I should have asked for her recipe! But I'm pleased to report success in reproducing it, using as guidelines several online recipes for related dishes since I couldn't find one for exactly this.

Preparing this is not quick. But this sort of flavor doesn't grow on trees, and eating it was like being teleported back to Santa Fe.

---

PART ONE

This is a two-part recipe: a lot of the work happens the day before, and then the meat is left to marinate overnight. The second day it is cooked and made into burritos.

Meat

You will need a slow-cooker, or crockpot, and you will need to purchase a large boneless chuck steak, about 5 lbs or enough to fill the crockpot most of the way when cut into chunks. The recipe below is geared to 5 pounds of meat, so adjust accordingly if you're using less.

Cut up the meat into 2 to 3 inch cubes or chunks, after trimming away any really large fat deposits. Don't worry about all that connective tissue, it will dissolve later. Thoroughly coat the meat with the marinade below, and leave overnight in a covered bowl in the fridge.

Marinade

1/4 cup chipotle-flavor tabasco sauce (I couldn't find real chipotles at the store but they're not critical, just do this instead; it's somewhat less strong than traditional tabasco, though hardly weak)
1/4 cup plain vinegar
1/4 cup tomato paste
1 tbsp each paprika, chicken stock powder, garlic powder
1 tsp each sugar, salt, cumin, onion powder, liquid smoke (optional), and a strong chili powder like chipotle, chiles de arbol, or cayenne
half cup of water

Mix up marinade ingredients and taste a tiny bit. If your mouth doesn't catch on fire, add more spiciness such as tabasco sauce or chili powder, or else your adobo will not function properly. It requires serious capsaicin, both for the tenderizing effect and because you won't be able to sear the meat before adding it to the slow-cooker, which could be a health hazard if it weren't for the fact capsaicin inhibits bacterial growth. (This type of adobo began in Latin America as a way to preserve meat.) Some of the heat will cook out later, but be warned that it's still not a dish for sissies.


PART TWO

Cooking

The next afternoon (or 7-8 hours before you want to eat), dice an onion and a tomato into the crockpot, then place your beef into it plus all marinade liquid from the bowl. Do not add any water. Strive to fill the crockpot at least 3/4 of the way, and consider adding more tomatoes or onion if it doesn't.

There is usually a setting designed to cook at a rate such that food is done in around eight hours. This is 'high' on mine. Use this setting, but it may take less than that amount of time. Five hours was sufficient for me. The key is once the meat begins visibly simmering, it should be left to cook an additional two hours. You can stir once when the simmering starts but do not lift the lid again during that time. A lot of liquid will come out of the beef and stay simmering in the crockpot.

When it's done, fish the beef pieces out of the liquid and, using two forks, shred them up a bit. They will be tender as Justin Bieber's virgin ass, so this takes hardly any time. Set it aside, and if it cools down by the time you need it, just nuke it.

The rice

You will need to leave at least two cups of the liquid from the crockpot for making a sauce with; if there's more than that, use the remainder as liquid in which to cook your rice, topping off with water to reach whatever measurement of water you're using for it. Additional chicken stock powder and cumin in the rice water will not go amiss.

The sauce

Two cups of the liquid go into a saucepan with the following:
- 2 tbsp flour, mixed into a like amount of cold water
- 1/4 cup tomato paste
- 1/4 cup vinegar (sounding familiar?)
- extra tabasco sauce if desired
- 1 tbsp paprika
- salt to taste

Cook the above, stirring frequently, until thick and bubbling. It should be pretty red in color, but if not feel free to use a little food coloring. Don't look at me like that, food coloring has a perfectly legitimate role in the kitchen, thank you. The sauce is most definitely supposed to be red.

The vegetables

As a side dish I stir-fried strips of onion and red bell pepper with a little lemon juice, salt, and allspice. It went well with the rest.

Making the burritos

Into each burrito-sized flour tortilla, which I can trust you'll all know how to fold because I told you how when I posted an enchiladas recipe some months back, sprinkle the fillings area with grated cheddar cheese. Over the cheese spread a goodly heap of the shredded beef which you've rewarmed, and then drizzle sauce over the beef. Roll and fold tortilla into a burrito and turn it over so the flaps are on the bottom. Spoon more sauce over the outside of the burrito and top with a little more grated cheddar. Ensure the sauce is still hot at this point, or the cheese won't melt.

Serve next to rice and vegetables with a dollop of sour cream on the side. Daydream that you are still in the barrio histórico of Santa Fe.

[Radius Solis]

Everybody STOP, drop what you're doing, go get the ingredients for this dip and make it right now.

1 cup thick full-fat Greek yogurt
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp vinegar
1 peeled clove garlic
1/2 tsp salt
1/8 tsp cardamom (essential)

Puree all ingredients until smoothly combined. A little milk can be used to adjust consistency.


Ideally you should make some Afghan bolani to dip into this, but I'm sure it will work with practically anything.

[Queen Xalele]

I have no official name for this. It's supposed to be an omelet, but my friends lovingly refer to it as an egg burrito.

The Egg Burrito

4 large eggs
2 1/2 tablespoons Cholula hot sauce (though any kind will work, except for that shit Tabasco)
Approx. 1/4 cup of milk
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 onion, chopped
1/2 cheese, preferably pepper jack and mozzarella
1 small link of spicy Italian sausage, chopped
1 small jalapeno, chopped
1/2 small tomato, chopped
1 tablespoon olive oil
1/4 cup scallions, chopped
Cilantro (to taste)

Beat the eggs, milk and hot sauce until well mixed. In a separate bowl, combine the tomatoes, jalapenos, onion, olive oil and chili powder. Grease and heat skillet (high) -- once heated, spread egg mixture evenly over bottom of the pan, then turn heat to low. Allow to sit for approximately 30sec-1minute, then spread about 3/4 of the cheese evenly down the middle of the egg. Add the vegetable mixture, scallions, jalapenos, cilantro and sausage, then fold one side of the egg over it. Top the half with the remaining cheese mixture, fold the other half over, and flip the entire omelet. Allow to cook on low for another 2-5 minutes until middle is warm, then serve with salsa.

[dunomapuka]

EDIT: accidentally posted a dream here.

But if you want to make my dream-recipe:

1. Make a sandwich on Italian bread: Prosciutto, mozzarella, olive oil and vinegar to taste.

2. Open a bag of potato chips.

3. Have a willing volunteer lie down on a human-sized baking tray.

4. Spread the chips around the person on the tray as to make him look appetizing.

5. Eat in whatever way makes sense to you.

[Risla]

That is either a really peculiar recipe or you missed the dream thread.

[Jipí]

Did I mention my gradma's recipe for pea soup? I hate that mushy stuff you can get from cans, while my gran's version is great, cause the peas don't get purréed. It's even suitable for vegetarians if they eat eggs, unlike the stuff from cans which usually involves sausages or ham and looks like puke! I made it last weekend, though I almost spoilt it. It's actually dead easy to make if you pay attention to not let things get burnt. It's a perfect fall/winter lunch, cos stews generally are IMNSHO.

You'll need (serving 4 people):

Pea soup

750 g young peas
80 g butter or margarine
20 g wheat flour (~ 1 heaped tablespoon)
2½ to 3 L of water (i.e. a big pot)
salt
250 g potatoes, diced
1 recipe of semolina dumplings (see below)
1 tbsp hacked parsley (optional, but tastier with it)

Sauté the peas in fat for a couple of minutes, then stray flour over them and let them fry a little more (and don't burn them, like I did on the weekend!). Then fill up the pot with water, add a little salt. Also add the diced potatoes. Boil (and don't you forget to stir, or it'll burn to the bottom again. I had to throw some of my soup away because of that, ffffuuuu—) until the potatoes are done, add the dumplings and leave them steep until they're done, too (they'll rise up). Add the parsley and maybe some more salt.

Dumplings

125 mL milk
some butter or margarine
pinch of salt
pinch of nutmeg
60 g semolina
1 egg

Boil milk together with the fat, salt and nutmeg. Take the milk from the stove. Then stir the semolina under it until it forms a smooth lump. Stir the egg under the lump. You can now use wet teaspoons to form small dumplings, which are put into the soup. The soup is boring without them.

[dunomapuka]

Toasted pumpkin seeds

Don't throw out those pumpkin seeds! Do this:

Assuming you've just carved a jack-o-lantern and have a big pile of pulp and seeds, extract as many seeds from the pulp as you can before the task becomes infuriating. You'll have some bits of pulp leftover, which is fine. Contrary to what all the recipes said, the pulp bits were extremely sweet and tasty at the end, so don't bother removing them. Anyway, I had a big pumpkin and got about a cup of seeds.

Melt a tablespoon of butter in a frying pan/skillet on medium low heat. Add seeds. Frequently stir or give the pan a shake. This will take 30-40 minutes. If the oil level gets too low add small drips of vegetable oil as needed.

After a while, about 1/4 teaspoon brown sugar, pinch of nutmeg, pinch of cayenne pepper. Everything should look brown and toasty after a while. When you judge the seeds to be toasted enough, turn the heat off and toss with coarse sea salt.

[Qwynegold]

This will take 30-40 minutes.

Seriously?? You'll end up with tiny pieces of charcoal!

[din]

I tried toasting them last year and gave up, because after 20 minutes they were still rock hard. I thought I was doing something wrong and didn't really care enough to find a solution. So it doesn't sound too unlikely, really

[dunomapuka]

This will take 30-40 minutes.

Seriously?? You'll end up with tiny pieces of charcoal!

That's what I thought when I read the recipes, but no! In fact, I could probably have kept mine on the heat a while longer...

[Arzena]

Arzena's Tasty Dinners for the Poor University Student:

Potato with Lime:

Prep: Using a fork, poke holes in your potato

1. Cook potato in a microwave for six minutes.

2. Remove potato and cut into quarters.

3. Slice one lime, and squeeze the juice over the potato quarters.

4. Eat them limey taters!

Optional:
1. Garnish with jalapeño slices.
2. Boil 'em, mash 'em.

[Dewrad]

Arzena's Tasty Dinners for the Poor University Student:

Potato with Lime:

Prep: Using a fork, poke holes in your potato

1. Cook potato in a microwave for six minutes.

2. Remove potato and cut into quarters.

3. Slice one lime, and squeeze the juice over the potato quarters.

4. Eat them limey taters!

Optional:
1. Garnish with jalapeño slices.
2. Boil 'em, mash 'em.

Ew. I have no other words.

[vampireshark]

Arzena's Tasty Dinners for the Poor University Student:

Potato with Lime:

Prep: Using a fork, poke holes in your potato

1. Cook potato in a microwave for six minutes.

2. Remove potato and cut into quarters.

3. Slice one lime, and squeeze the juice over the potato quarters.

4. Eat them limey taters!

Optional:
1. Garnish with jalapeño slices.
2. Boil 'em, mash 'em.

Ew. I have no other words.

Indeed. Being a "poor college student" does not automatically mean "eating horribly". When I had to cook on my own when I lived in Germany and the UK, the standard fare included risottos, pasta, sausages, chicken cooked in various ways, and other interesting dishes. Another part of it was that about an hour of cooking would make food that lasted two, three, maybe four days (after all, I cooked the full recipe for several people!).

For example, if you have chicken breasts, which aren't too expensive (normally), you can do the following:
1.) Slice chicken breasts thinly.
2.) Place on a platter or in a mixing bowl. Drizzle balsamic vinegar (doesn't need to be high quality) over the chicken and season with pepper (I normally go with white pepper, but personal taste) and herbs of your choice (I like the herbes de Provence mixtures, but I normally, at minimum, pick basil, thyme, oregano, and tarragon). Let sit for a few minutes.
3.) In the meantime, in a medium-sized frying pan, melt a couple of tablespoons of butter or heat up some olive oil. You just need some grease.
4.) Once the oil is nice and hot, add the chicken. Cook for about 2-4 minutes on each size until nice, cooked, and juicy.
5.) Consume with your favorite salad, pasta, or what-have-you.
As for cost, when I lived in the UK, the chicken normally ran about £8-ish per kilo. However, the other things were under £2-3 each and lasted several times (they could be used for other dishes!). In Wisconsin, the chicken was about $4 per pound, but, remember, you're only making it for a few people, so you don't need a lot. So, the first time you make it, probably $7 or $8, and it might last two to three days.

The risotto and the other dishes I posted are a bit more time-intensive, but they share similar advantages (lots of servings, and you can make the dish multiple times with a single purchase of the dry ingredients).

[Qwynegold]

I've been meaning to post this. I've discovered tortilla sticks! Probably old news for the Americans, but here it is for the Europeans:

Ingredients
tortilla bread
salt flakes
herbs
vegetable oil

I bought this thing that has salt flakes mixed with herbes de Provence. You can make your own by mixing the salt with thyme, rosemary, oregano, marjoram, onion powder and garlic powder*. (I don't know if the onion and garlic is really that necessary.)
*Before some bitch complains, these are the ingredients listed on the jar I bought, so it's not my fault if that isn't real herbes de Provence.

Instructions
Pour oil into a frying pan (or wok pan which was what I used) so that it covers the bottom. You don't need a lot. Put the stove on the highest temparatute. Cut the tortilla breads into 1 cm wide strips. (I cut the bread in half first so I wouldn't get too long strips.) When the oil has gotten hot, put some tortilla slices in the frying pan. Only fry a handful at one time. They are ready when they're golden brown, which doesn't take many seconds. When you start feeling that maybe the frying pan is a little too hot, lower the temparature a little. Put the fried strips on a piece of paper towel to let them dry, and sprinkle some of the salt-herb mixture on them. Yum!

[Přemysl]

Indeed. Being a "poor college student" does not automatically mean "eating horribly". When I had to cook on my own when I lived in Germany and the UK, the standard fare included risottos, pasta, sausages, chicken cooked in various ways, and other interesting dishes.

Keep in mind, at least around here, for safety reasons on campus college students only have access to microwaves. Hence interesting recipes like the above.

[finlay]

So basically... some idiots burnt themselves and now nobody can eat healthily? Score one for american democracy.

You should move out of your college accommodation, really...

[dhok]

Potatoes and milk.

That is all you need.

[Kereb]

Toasted pumpkin seeds

I always just do these in the oven. But I use olive oil instead of butter. You just mix your salt, sugar, cayenne, whatever, into the oil and toss the seeds in it beforehand ... I recently started adding garam masala and I'm digging them that way.
300ish degrees for about half an hour, check on them and stir them a couple times before they're done.

a tip I would add here is to spread the seeds out on a dish towel or something to dry for a while before spicing and roasting them. If the seeds are too wet some of em will jump and pop all over the place, falling down to the bottom of the oven and burning. I found this out the hard way; now you don't have to.

[Gulliver]

Indeed. Being a "poor college student" does not automatically mean "eating horribly". When I had to cook on my own when I lived in Germany and the UK, the standard fare included risottos, pasta, sausages, chicken cooked in various ways, and other interesting dishes.

Keep in mind, at least around here, for safety reasons on campus college students only have access to microwaves. Hence interesting recipes like the above.

Honeyplops, please, you can do so much with a microwave that it's not even funny. The only thing that's lacking is imagination.

[Přemysl]

Honeyplops, please, you can do so much with a microwave that it's not even funny. The only thing that's lacking is imagination.

I'd love to know some of those recipes. The most I ever did was shredded cabbage, veggie boulion, and kielbasa in water and microwave it into a make-shift soup. Even though I have a full kitchen now, occasionally I am places with only microwaves.