the Old Granny thread

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Turtlehead
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Post by Turtlehead »

Turtleheads Summer Survival Food

Many Migoreng noodles, many were consumed this last summer. They are cheap and delicious, you can feel the cancer growing from all the msg. Cooking instructions are on packet.

Heart and Worchester Sauce

Finely cut the ox heart. Like real fine. Douse exponential amounts of Worchester sauce and cook well. mmm a hearty cheap meal for any desperate student. It is a well known fact that heart is the best of the offal meats. At least you know it is still a muscle.

Study Food (Fucking expensive)

I always have Sushimi before my exams. I think all the omegas in the fish will make me smart, also apparently the salmon ate the nine hazelnuts of knowledge, so I guess eating salmon should make me smart. Other supporting evidence, Japanese people eat raw fish and Japanese people are smart, so hopefully I will be smart like an asian if I eat asian food.

Ingredients

Sharp knife
Bowl
Soya Sauce (Mmm msg and Amazon rainforest destroying goodness)
Wasabi
Salmon

Cut salmon finely.
Put Soya sauce in bowl followed by Wasabi. Stir
Put Salmon in the sauce and eat. Yum yum raw fish.
I KEIM HEWE IN THE ΠVEΓININΓ TA LEAWN WELX, ΠVVT NAW THE ΠVWΠVΣE FVW ΠVEINΓ HEWE IΣ VNKLEAW. THAT IΣ WAIT I LIKE TA MAKE KAWNLANΓΣ AWN THE ΣΠAWT.
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Post by brandrinn »

Virtually everything I've ever cooked has been the product of desperation. Not that I avoid cooking, I just find myself always missing something. My "butter-fried potatos" (which turned out to be delicious) are the product of an unforeseen vegetable oil shortage. But the "famine food" that has the fondest memories for me would be "bachelor chow" (named after the often mentioned food substitute on Futurama). You see, when I first moved out on my own, I had no kitchen. No stove. No fridge. No sink, except my tiny bathroom sink. Whats more, I am cheap as hell and I insist on eating something fairly nutritious (hence my refusal to just eat out every night). So here it is in a nutshell:

Bachelor Chow
first, open a can of tuna (requires no refrigeration), drain out the water, and put in a small bowl (small enough to wash in any sink). Second, add a few tablespoons of feta cheese (I know it sounds disgusting, but trust me on this one). Feta cheese will keep for a few days if you leave it out in the cold at night, hence its inclusion here. Now, the dressing is one part red wine vinegar, four parts olive oil, and plenty of oregano and rosemary, left to sit for a while so the oil can absorb the flavor and aroma. Mix well, and you have bachelor chow. I don't understand why it tastes good (it sure looks and sounds like vomit), but it does. And it's a cheap source of protein. If you're ever moving into a house before the utilities are connected and you're broke, this slop may just save your life.
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Post by Radius Solis »

In the future, brandrinn, are you aware you can accomplish some quite decent refrigeration of small items yourself? The same principle of cooling-by-evaporation that refrigerators operate by can be simulated pretty effectively with a simple damp cloth (preferably a thick one). No lie.

The efficiency of this is better when the surrounding air humidity isn't really high. It also requires maintenance in that you have to keep the cloth wet, so that the evaporation doesn't stop. But so long as you keep up with this, it can keep food chilled well into the range of temperatures inside a refrigerator, for as long as you care to use the method. My uncle does this at his electricity-free cabin in the mountains, he just gets a towel wet and wraps all his cold food in it, and uses a watering can a few times a day to keep the towel soaked.

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Post by Salmoneus »

Most delicious pasta ever:

a) soffrito onions, mushrooms and plenty of garlic in plenty of mixed olive and chili-infused-olive oil. 5-10 minutes?

b) fry lean miced beef with the soffrito; add artichoke hearts (I also added soe of the brine they came in) 5-10 minutes more? Add a bit more oil, and pepper.

c) add can of chopped tomatoes, stirr. Bring to boil.

d) add puttanesca mix (capers, anchovies, olives

e) reduce heat, and simmer gently, circa 20 minutes, stirring occassionally. Tomatoes will break up fully, and the liquid will reduce - when you eat it, it should be mostly sticking to the pasta, there shouldn't be any free liquid lying around at the end

f) add in a few crumbled slices of extra mature cheddar cheese, and stir, so that they (mostly) melt into the sauce

g) add cooked fusilli, stir thoroughly to coat

h) find white wine to drink with it.

It's basically spicy puttanesca, but oilier and glazier, and simmering the meat in the sauce really alters the flavour, with the cheese adding to the bite and texture.
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Post by dunomapuka »

Salmoneus wrote:Most delicious pasta ever:
That sounds awesome. But I'm thinking I'd substitute some kind of bacon or pancetta for the meat. Maybe a different kind of cheese too. I'm always a little suspicious of cheddar in dishes, though I guess there's good cheddar and there's processed, blindingly orange cheddar. Bleu cheese is tasty but it might overwhelm the dish...maybe some sharp goat variety.

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Pthagnar
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Post by Pthagnar »

This is Britain. We have good cheddar cheese.

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Radius Solis
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Post by Radius Solis »

boy #12 wrote:though I guess there's good cheddar and there's processed, blindingly orange cheddar.
The bright orange sort of cheddar is no more processed than the non-orange sort, aside from the minor addition of some annatto to produce the color. Processed cheese cannot legally be sold as "cheddar" in America; the bright orange stuff on the storeshelves is just as legitimate and non-processed as any other cheddar. Aside from being mass-produced.

Turtlehead
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Post by Turtlehead »

brandrinn wrote:Bachelor Chow
first, open a can of tuna (requires no refrigeration), drain out the water, and put in a small bowl (small enough to wash in any sink). Second, add a few tablespoons of feta cheese (I know it sounds disgusting, but trust me on this one). Feta cheese will keep for a few days if you leave it out in the cold at night, hence its inclusion here. Now, the dressing is one part red wine vinegar, four parts olive oil, and plenty of oregano and rosemary, left to sit for a while so the oil can absorb the flavor and aroma. Mix well, and you have bachelor chow. I don't understand why it tastes good (it sure looks and sounds like vomit), but it does. And it's a cheap source of protein. If you're ever moving into a house before the utilities are connected and you're broke, this slop may just save your life.
I ate a similar dish but it was slightly advanced. It involved Quinoa or Amaranth flakes, prepared by adding hot water. Tuna and Chilli sauce. All the ingredients are mixed well together, after that it is basically edible. I enjoyed it.
I KEIM HEWE IN THE ΠVEΓININΓ TA LEAWN WELX, ΠVVT NAW THE ΠVWΠVΣE FVW ΠVEINΓ HEWE IΣ VNKLEAW. THAT IΣ WAIT I LIKE TA MAKE KAWNLANΓΣ AWN THE ΣΠAWT.
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Baalak
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Post by Baalak »

I have discovered the joy that is the slow cooker recently, and have made foods which I would otherwise never have attempted using more traditional methods.

Most recently I cooked a pot roast with onions, carrots, celery and potatoes. Company arrived before it was truly finished, but there were few complaints.

I take many of my cooking cues from Alton Brown, of Good Eats fame. However, I haven't had a Television recently, so I haven't been able to get many new ideas from him. Such a pity.

- Baalak the Cooker, Slowly.

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schwhatever
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Post by schwhatever »

Turtlehead wrote:I ate a similar dish but it was slightly advanced. It involved Quinoa or Amaranth flakes, prepared by adding hot water. Tuna and Chilli sauce. All the ingredients are mixed well together, after that it is basically edible. I enjoyed it.
And that reminds me of a quinoa-millet-lima-curry stew I had once.

THE END.
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Post by schwhatever »

Almond Freaks:
1.5 Cups Almonds
Water
Honey
Dried Fruits/Marshmellows/Spice/Whatever (optional)

Using a mortar and pestle or chopping until you wish you were Freddy Cougar, turn half of the almonds into little more than corse flour. Mix with water until forms a gel. Add more chopped almonds, honey and optional crap. Form into cakes and bake for 5-10 minutes (put on a non-stick surface). Allow to cool and enjoy.
[quote="Jar Jar Binks"]Now, by making just a few small changes, we prettify the orthography for happier socialist tomorrow![/quote][quote="Xonen"]^ WHS. Except for the log thing and the Andean panpipers.[/quote]

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Post by TomHChappell »

..
Last edited by TomHChappell on Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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schwhatever
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Post by schwhatever »

TomHChappell wrote:
schwhatever wrote:Freddy Cougar
Do you mean "Freddy Kruger" (from "Nightmare on Elm Street")?
...perhaps.
[quote="Jar Jar Binks"]Now, by making just a few small changes, we prettify the orthography for happier socialist tomorrow![/quote][quote="Xonen"]^ WHS. Except for the log thing and the Andean panpipers.[/quote]

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Post by Dewrad »

Bump, but no recipe :(
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Post by Radius Solis »

Dewrad wrote:Bump, but no recipe :(
No using the headache excuse. :evil: Well, if you won't put out, I will. This is what I made last night:

Aromatic Stir-Fry Fusion!

1. Prepare and set aside in separate containers the following three things:

:> half a pound or more of chicken, chopped into bite-sized pieces
:> a large red bell pepper and half an onion, both diced, a handful or so of fresh snap or snow peas (cut up if you want), and any other desired vegetables
:> two or three fat cloves of garlic and an inch-long chunk of ginger root, both chopped into tiny pieces

2. Add to a saucepan: 1 teaspoon dried basil, 2 tablespoons of sugar, and the appropriate amount of water for 3/4 cup of dry couscous (usually it's a 1:1 ratio). Bring to a boil, then add couscous, remove from heat, cover, and set aside.

3. In a large skillet, saute chicken until completely cooked. Turn heat up to high, add vegetables, and stir-fry for a couple minutes. Add several generous splashes of soy sauce (totalling perhaps two tablespoons) and keep frying until most liquid is boiled off. Stir in the garlic+ginger and remove from heat immediately.

4. Serve covered in couscous. Makes enough for two.





Warning: I never*think* it's going to take me two hours to make this the next time, but it always does... I really need to learn how to do things like this more efficiently. :(

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James0289
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Post by James0289 »

Pthag wrote:This is Britain. We have good cheddar cheese.
Seconded. We also like writing in simple, punchy sentences.

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Post by Gremlins »

I recently discovered (after my mum made me cook + pay for food for a week after I insinuated I hated her cooking) that I really liked lentils. Also, at 80p/500 grams, they're good value.

Gremmilicious Lentil Stuff


Serves: 2

Ingredients:

1/3 cup lentils
some peas
1 red onion
1 red chilli
1 clove garlic
some brown sugar
lemon juice
tumeric
ground ginger
cinnamon
water
bread

1. put the lentils in a saucepan with three times their volume of water and a table spoon of ginger and tumeric, turn up to boiling for 10m, and leave to simmer with the lid half-on for 20 minutes.

2. after you've put the lentils on simmer, chop the onion and chilli and fry them. Once the onion starts to brown, add a teaspoon or two of brown sugar and an equal amount of lemon juice, and a pinch of cinnamon. Keep frying for 10 mins or so, then bung them into the lentil pan.

3. Bung the peas into the lentil pan with a bit more water and turn the heat up until you get something roughly the colour and consitency of vomit.

4. put on plate and mop up with slices of bread.

Chicken and Bacon Stew

Serves 3

2 chicken breasts
3 rashers bacon
2 medium onions
2 cloves garlic
1 glass red wine
5 new potatoes
1 large carrot
3 tomatoes
2 oxo cubes of any variety
2 tablespoons gravy powder stuff
some runner beans
liberal quantities of:
sage
pepper
parsley
oregano
chilli powder
wocestershire sauce

1. Cut up chicken, bacon, garlic, and onion, and fry in a heavy pan with copious amounts of oil, wocester sauce, and wine
2. once the chicken looks vaguely edible, add the potatoes, chopped into bitesize pieces; tomatoes. chopped; and beans, chopped.
3. fry + stir for a few minutes, then add water to cover all the ingredients. Add the spices and stock cubes, then cover the pan and turn the heat down. Leave for 30mins or so.
4. take lid off, turn up heat, add gravy granules and stir vigorously.
5. eat
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Post by TomHChappell »

..
Last edited by TomHChappell on Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by Ketumak »

Liver with lemon and herbs

Serves 3

Ingredients:
8 oz. / 150 g. of liver,
teaspoon dried mixed herbs,
juice of 1 lemon
1 tablespoon of sugar
2 tablespoons of oil
1 tablespoon of seasoned cornflour (optional)

rice
tomato
cheese


Slice liver thinly mix in bowl with cornflour if your using it. Add herbs, lemon juice and sugar. Leave to stand so ingredients can get to know each other while you get on with the rice.

Put three handfuls of rice into water (one per person) and bring to boil. Chop a couple of tomatoes and grate cheese to taste.

Heat oil and fry liver mixture in it. Don't overcook as liver can go hard if you do.

When the rice has boiled strain off the water and add tomatoes and cheese.

Make a ring of the rice mix on each plate and put a portion of the liver mix in the middle.

This is usually a hit, except with people who can't stand liver. For some reason there seem to be a lot of these.

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Post by Matt »

I don't know of a name for these, but they're damn tasty, and not all that hard to make.

You'll need:

-a small log of goat cheese (4oz or so will make enough for two or three people)
-pistachios (I cheat and buy the meats, but you can de-shell them yourself if you have the time and the fingernails; you'll need about 1/4 or 1/3 of a pound of meats for that 4oz goat log).
-an egg yolk or two, whisked.
-some 375* oil to fry them (or a pan and oil, though I haven't tried that; I'm spoiled by my father's mini deep-fryer).

Directions

- Cut the goat-cheese log into disks about 1/2" thick.
- chop your pistachio meats (you want small pieces, not a powder) and place them on a saucer or in a shallow bowl.
- dip the cheese disks into the egg, then press them into the pistachios, one side at a time.
- freeze for a few hours, until thoroughly solid.
- fry for three minutes at 375*F.
- eat
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Post by Risla »

I had the dumplings in the first post a few days ago. It had yummy, even though I proved myself a dreadful cook.

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Post by Ketumak »

I like the sound of the goat's cheese and pistachio, must give that a try sometime when my nut-allergic son's not around.

Fruit salads are tasty, colourful and easy to make. Here's some of my favourite combinations:

1) strawberry, apple and kiwi-fruit

2) blackberry, banana and galia melon

3) raspberry, (redcurrants) and peach

4) raspberry and blueberry

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Post by Dewrad »

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dewrad's "Oh fuck I forgot that there were vegetarians coming for dinner tonight" Emergency Italian Mushroom Feast. Those seeking authenticity can instead refer to it as "funghi trifolati", however.

It's a dead simple yet really tasty and quick mushroom dish. Little more to say, really.

You will need:
  • half a kilo of mushrooms, your choice as to which. I find a mix of porcini and field mushrooms works extremely well.
  • three cloves of fresh garlic
  • six small, good quality tomatoes (not cherry tomatoes- they're too small and fiddly)
  • half a baguette
  • a shot of dry vermouth
  • a handful of fresh chopped parsley
  • a handful of grated parmesan cheese
  • olive oil, for frying
  • extra virgin olive oil, for drizzling
Quick note: Do not use extra virgin olive oil for frying. It destroys the flavour and is akin to wiping your arse with a tenner: possible, but with no conceivable benefit and far too expensive to do on a regular basis.

To make this, you need to:

Slice the mushrooms, leaving them quite chunky. Crush the garlic. De-seed the tomatoes and chop them up small (those who detest the smell of raw tomato are advised to do as I do and get their better half to do that part).

Heat the oil in a frying pan or wok and sautee the garlic for a minute or so. Add the tomatoes and mushrooms and sautee for about five minutes or so, so the mushrooms are browned but still with some bite. Splash in the vermouth, parsley and parmesan and cook off the liquid.

Serve the mixture over slices of lightly toasted baguette (i.e., so it's no longer fluffy but not brown either.), leaving to stand for a minute or so for the bread to soak up the juices. Best enjoyed with a white wine, surprisingly. Red doesn't go all that well. I'd recommend a pinot grigio, personally, but do as you will.
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Post by Salmoneus »

*cowers like a vampire before a cross*

[there's a thing about Dracula on TV, you see]

whyyyyyy must everything have tomaaaaatoes in it? whyyyy?


On the subject of mushrooms, though, fried mushrooms, green pesto, pasta and an aubergine cut up small and roasted. Tastes nice.
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But the river tripped on her by and by, lapping
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I'se so silly to be flowing but I no canna stay!

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Dewrad
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Post by Dewrad »

Actually, the tomatoes are wholly optional. The dish works very well with them omitted or replaced by, say, peppers.
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Salmoneus wrote:(NB Dewrad is behaving like an adult - a petty, sarcastic and uncharitable adult, admittedly, but none the less note the infinitely higher quality of flame)

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