Love Thread

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Astraios
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Re: Love Thread

Post by Astraios »

Bristel wrote:I kinda feel this way about my roommate, except I'm ~20 and he's ~twice that age.

*shifty Fran Fine age lies*
Age doesn't matter (well, upwards age - downwards age does) as long as they're still hot. I'm 19 and one guy I sleep with not that often but occasionally is 49 (or he was when I met him, he may be 50 now).

finlay wrote:Why are straight/married men a turn-on for some people? It's one I've never quite "got"... It's more of a general question really than necessarily directed at you....
What Torco and Theta said. Also it's just like a game for me really - they're all serious and actually panicking when they're like "Oh shit you gotta leave like now or we'll be caught", but for me it's just fun, which makes me sound kind of like a horrible person, but yeah. xD It's like when you were a kid playing games hiding from your parents/teachers/etc., I guess, and it was just so funny when they didn't manage to find/catch you.

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Torco
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Re: Love Thread

Post by Torco »

Shm Jay wrote:I think Torco needs to write The Goofyfoot Guide to Sex for Conlangers.
I might consider the idea if you shorten the title to "the goofy guide to sex", by Eyesome Awebrow Guy

and straio, you're not a horrible person. Actually, if fucking 40 year old cougars and then running away from their husbands was a regular thing for me, I'd be buying myself beers and boasting about how awesome I was. Of course, I'm always boasting about how awesome I am, just for different reasons. Regardless, knuckle fist, man. you're a father-fucker ;)
Last edited by Torco on Thu Feb 02, 2012 3:29 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Gulliver
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Re: Love Thread

Post by Gulliver »

Dewrad wrote:My husband is rather keen on the idea of getting a civil partnership, and in principle I am not against this. However, he wants to do it big, as our actual wedding was an intime little affair attended only by us and a pair of witnesses. He wants tuxedos, best men, both of our families in attendance, a big reception, the works.
Gawd, that sounds awfully familiar. Couldn't you pass it off as a renewal of your vows on your ten year anniversary? You could elope (relope?) to Gretna Green, that is romantic enough whilst inherently being fuss-free.

I cannot imagine anything more awkward than getting married with other people watching. Also, half of my family aren't speaking to each other and live hundreds of miles apart and his family are like one of those families on TV who spend time together on purpose without anyone having died first. His friends are similarly integrated, whereas mine are waifs and strays and ne'er-do-wells.

Astraios
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Re: Love Thread

Post by Astraios »

El Torco wrote:and straio, you're not a horrible person. Actually, if fucking 40 year old cougars and then running away from their husbands was a regular thing for me, I'd be buying myself beers and boasting about how awesome I was. Of course, I'm always boasting about how awesome I am, just for different reasons. Regardless, knuckle fist, man. you're a father-fucker ;)
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linguoboy
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Re: Love Thread

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Dewrad wrote:When I say "married", I don't actually mean the whole civil partnership thing. We're married from the point of view of our religion, which is good enough for me. My husband is rather keen on the idea of getting a civil partnership, and in principle I am not against this. However, he wants to do it big, as our actual wedding was an intime little affair attended only by us and a pair of witnesses. He wants tuxedos, best men, both of our families in attendance, a big reception, the works. Aside from the amount that it will cost (which gives me cold sweats just thinking about it), my family does not have a good track record when it comes to weddings. Somebody invariably ends up in hospital at some point. It also doesn't help that my parents haven't actually spoken to each other for the best part of a decade, and I fear putting them in the same room together, even if a hundred other people are present. I fear that they would make a Scene.
I'm damn thankful that me and my man are on the same page here. Weddings--love attending them, would never want to host one. We may end up getting married just for legal reasons. My workplace has recently gotten very strict about only offering benefits to married spouses. So far we're exempt from these tighter regulations because of the lack of recognition of same-sex marriage in Illinois, but civil unions came into effect last year and it's probably only a matter of a decade or less before that gets upgraded. So when it does, we might have to make an appointment with a justice of the peace, but until then, who cares? We've got a mortgage together; that's already more than enough legal commitment for my taste.

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Hokulani
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Re: Love Thread

Post by Hokulani »

I'm not going to get any sympathy for this, but it is a relationship problem nonetheless.

My problem is not finding relationships, but trying to keep the people I care about to stop f*king trying to get with me when I am happily in a relationship. So basically my problem is trying to stop the barrage of unwanted advances.

I'm happy with my current boyfriend. We've been together since June , but our time together has been hampered by the long line of ex-bfs, "friends" and former supervisors who are either blatantly trying to ask me out, trying to get back with me, or declaring their undying love for me when they know full well I am in a relationship.

Its gotten so bad that my current boyfriend's friends have nicknamed him "Scott Pilgrim" since he constantly has to step between me and the people coming after me and he is visibly pissed at that. I'm already starting to feel that he's cracking from the pressure of being my "protector" even though he isnt required to be that.

The worst are those guys who are already in relationships/married and still have no problem in trying to get with me. Just a few hours ago I was at the Cheesecake Factory bar with a former boss of mine who was all upset about how he was fired from the newspaper we worked at. I was comforting him with the fact that he was at least still alive, unlike my former supervisor whose funeral I'm attending on Saturday. At the end of the night he was basically confessing that he was attracted to me when I first introduced myself to him in the office 3 years ago and wanted to "spend more time with me, keep me company." He said other things that greatly alarmed me, especially since I've met his wife on several occasions as she is in my industry.

He's not the first married man to do this to me and I doubt he'd be the last. I'm hoping to confront him later to ask if he really meant those things or if it was the vodka talking. When I dropped my boyfriend off to work I told him what happened and I could tell he's about had enough. I'm just really upset that this is happening and wish they all can just leave me in peace. I really like my boyfriend and want him to stick around, but if he feels like he has to fight over me and decides its too much effort I don't think the relationship will last :(

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Re: Love Thread

Post by vampireshark »

I've never been in a relationship. Primarily because I've never had the time or the desire to commit to one, also because I think I'm a bit too young to start settling down. And, yes, I'm a virgin as well: I think that one should wait until one's in a steady relationship before the mattress dancing should occur.

Crushes? Oh, yes, I've had plenty of them. Both on women and men. I honestly prefer the more masculine type for men, in any event (which normally means those who look straight). But I'm too shy/nervous/whatever to actually act on any of my crushes and, being in France, there's the added cultural and language barrier plus my impending departure from France in about three months, and I hate having to sever ties like that. Long-distance relationships rarely work well. But, really, I'm content with how things are now and, maybe in a few years, I'll figure things out.


Hokulani: While I don't know how you feel, I've seen this happen a couple of times (including once to a friend of mine) and I truly am sorry you and your boyfriend have to deal with this. It's really disgusting, in a way, especially for those who are already married: what's done is done, it's over, and don't look back. I do hope that your relationship lasts, and I'd imagine it would.
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linguoboy
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Re: Love Thread

Post by linguoboy »

Hokulani wrote:I'm not going to get any sympathy for this, but it is a relationship problem nonetheless.
On the contrary, I've got nothing but sympathy for that. I've posted here before about the truly appalling amount of unwanted attention most women are subjected to in our society, and it only makes it worse that many people are so ready to tell them they should find it "flattering". Sorry, but other people violating my boundaries is not "flattering"; if anything, it tells me they don't really respect me as a person.

Your boyfriend needs to learn not to take this personally. I expect that what wears on him is the idea that if he were more "manly" or generally came off as a better catch, people wouldn't disrespect your relationship like this. But neither of you should blame yourselves for this. It's clearly the boorishness of the mackers which is at fault.

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the duke of nuke
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Re: Love Thread

Post by the duke of nuke »

Hokulani, you have my sympathy too! It sounds... frankly very creepy, especially if it's from married guys :? I hope you and your boyfriend don't have to put up with it much longer. As linguoboy says, neither of you is to blame, and you don't deserve that kind of mistreatment.

Astraios, Torco, Theta - Getting with someone who's already in a relationship would be a major turn-off - commitment is a pretty important issue for me. Not that "forbidden" things aren't a thill, it's that I'd just feel sick if I were involved in any kind of cheating. The exception would be if the other half knew and were hot and wanted to join in. In my mind I don't consider it cheating if everything is completely open and there's no breach of trust... just not sure I'm the kind of person that could maintain a relationship like that.


For my part I'm in a steady relationship with a girl from uni (she appears once or twice in the pic thread). And... it's turning out really well on the whole, which is a first for me. I've had close platonic relationships before, and I had friend with benefits for a while, but this is the first relationship I've had where everything hasd worked out. Not to say that we always see eye-to-eye - she's got congenital vegetarianism for instance, which I find a bit weird - but we've got through everything so far, including my stupidity :P
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Re: Love Thread

Post by Astraios »

the duke of nuke wrote:The exception would be if the other half knew and were hot and wanted to join in. In my mind I don't consider it cheating if everything is completely open and there's no breach of trust... just not sure I'm the kind of person that could maintain a relationship like that.
It can't even be cheating if everything is open and there's no breach of trust, that's basically the definition of not cheating.

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Re: Love Thread

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My problem is basically that I Adestroyed my life to a point from where I will really never be able to catch up.
If I stop posting out of the blue it probably is because my computer and the board won't cooperate and let me log in.!

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Re: Love Thread

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Astraios wrote:
the duke of nuke wrote:The exception would be if the other half knew and were hot and wanted to join in. In my mind I don't consider it cheating if everything is completely open and there's no breach of trust... just not sure I'm the kind of person that could maintain a relationship like that.
It can't even be cheating if everything is open and there's no breach of trust, that's basically the definition of not cheating.
You make a good point! On the other hand, people do vary widely in how they define "cheating"...
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Re: Love Thread

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the duke of nuke wrote:You make a good point! On the other hand, people do vary widely in how they define "cheating"...
Just make sure you never fall into a relationship with someone who defines cheating more strictly than you do!

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Re: Love Thread

Post by Risla »

I've been relentlessly crushing any and all romantic and sexual urges into the dirt since I was twelve and decided I was too ugly for any of that. I try not to care too much, but that's hard. I honestly have not even the remotest idea how I would get into that and am very much convinced that I am an ugly, broken person and people will just laugh at me or be repulsed if I even try.

It really does not help that I keep getting super inappropriate crushes, either.

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Re: Love Thread

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vampireshark wrote:I think that one should wait until one's in a steady relationship before the mattress dancing should occur.
I used to think this
but my current steady relationship started with the mattress dancing first
there really is no set way to have to do these things
people are complicated
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Re: Love Thread

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vampireshark wrote:And, yes, I'm a virgin as well: I think that one should wait until one's in a steady relationship before the mattress dancing should occur.
I can't say I really agree with you here. This kind of attitude 'sacralizes' sexuality too much in my opinion. I think sexuality should be more independent from people's long-term relationship choices. I certainly wouldn't be mad if my partner / spouse got into sexual relationships with other people (indeed, if they were my partner / spouse I would expect them to, but that's another story), as long as these were engagements that they desired and the other person would be clear about the entire situation. But I expect it to be very, very difficult to actually sustain this in practice. So I'm still not sure whether I'd prefer to turn celibate - I don't really find this unrealistic. (I'm probably really (at least borderline) asexual, but given how stigmatized such a stance is in our society, I prefer not to talk about this too much.)

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Re: Love Thread

Post by Wattmann »

Kereb wrote:
vampireshark wrote:I think that one should wait until one's in a steady relationship before the mattress dancing should occur.
I used to think this
but my current steady relationship started with the mattress dancing first
there really is no set way to have to do these things
people are complicated
Same here.
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Re: Love Thread

Post by Gulliver »

Most of my significant relationships (2*6 months, 4 months, 3 years and counting...) have started out with mattress dancing, with the fact that we liked spending time together each other a pleasant later discovery. On the other hand, my former fiancé's sexual preferences (together for 4 years, unbelievably) actually sped up the end of our relationship.

Also, I've just realised that since I started "dating", eleven years ago (age 15), I've only been out of a serious relationship for about three of them, which is sort of comforting. I'm desirable! I'm also borderline sociopathic when I'm single, so it's better for everyone involved if I'm with someone.

Unrelatedly...

The Boyfriend and I had a discussion about how we would hyphenate our surnames. I already have a double-barrelled surname, so I'd be sacrificing one of them for his. I am expecting my family to have problems with this, so I might just not tell them.

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Re: Love Thread

Post by Bob Johnson »

What's wrong with being Nigel St John-Smythe-Mathers?

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Re: Love Thread

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Bob Johnson wrote:What's wrong with being Nigel St John-Smythe-Mathers?
As someone with both an unusual first name and a double-barrelled surname, I would like to keep things from getting more complicated. Forms were not made to handle long names, and I get asked "No, what's your real name?" already.

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Re: Love Thread

Post by Astraios »

Cathbad wrote:I can't say I really agree with you here. This kind of attitude 'sacralizes' sexuality too much in my opinion. I think sexuality should be more independent from people's long-term relationship choices.
So much agree.

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Re: Love Thread

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Gulliver wrote:Most of my significant relationships (2*6 months, 4 months, 3 years and counting...) have started out with mattress dancing, with the fact that we liked spending time together each other a pleasant later discovery. On the other hand, my former fiancé's sexual preferences (together for 4 years, unbelievably) actually sped up the end of our relationship.

Also, I've just realised that since I started "dating", eleven years ago (age 15), I've only been out of a serious relationship for about three of them, which is sort of comforting. I'm desirable! I'm also borderline sociopathic when I'm single, so it's better for everyone involved if I'm with someone.

Unrelatedly...

The Boyfriend and I had a discussion about how we would hyphenate our surnames. I already have a double-barrelled surname, so I'd be sacrificing one of them for his. I am expecting my family to have problems with this, so I might just not tell them.
Why do you have to take his surname at all?

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the duke of nuke
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Re: Love Thread

Post by the duke of nuke »

Gulliver wrote:
Bob Johnson wrote:What's wrong with being Nigel St John-Smythe-Mathers?
As someone with both an unusual first name and a double-barrelled surname, I would like to keep things from getting more complicated. Forms were not made to handle long names, and I get asked "No, what's your real name?" already.
I'm in the same situation... Gods help me when I have children :P
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Re: Love Thread

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finlay wrote:
Gulliver wrote:The Boyfriend and I had a discussion about how we would hyphenate our surnames. I already have a double-barrelled surname, so I'd be sacrificing one of them for his. I am expecting my family to have problems with this, so I might just not tell them.
Why do you have to take his surname at all?
He wants to keep his and I want to keep mine so either we compromise by changing neither or changing both.

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Re: Love Thread

Post by Astraios »

Gulliver wrote:He wants to keep his and I want to keep mine so either we compromise by changing neither or changing both.
So what's to discuss? You both want to keep your names, so don't change them.

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