zompist bboard

Risla wrote:I saw a gastroenterologist today. The nature of the problems I'm having is still unknown, but I have elevated leukocytes and CRP (=a sign of inflammation), and the doctor suspects I have pouchitis, which has also been my suspicion (I've had many issues with it in the past). This can unfortunately be rather hard to treat, but "we don't know what's going on" is harder to treat.

Still, "we don't know what's going on" is much easier to treat than "no, ma'am, I'm quite sure nothing is going on, so tests aren't really necessary" - the former at least spurs activity, whereas the latter can go on for years...

My psych said that my symptom of thought broadcasting was schizo-like, after having all this time insisted that I was bipolar I. The thing is for a long time I have not really believed said diagnosis, since from how I see it I do get psychosis in normal mood, which ought to rule out affective psychoses. Still I am not sure what to make of it if I do end up with a schizoaffective diagnosis. Yes, that does not change a thing, and I am currently already being treated essentially as if I were schizoaffective. And at one level I would not mind that diagnosis, because I feel it much more closely fits than the diagnosis I currently have, and thus I would not have to mentally view things in terms of "I am diagnosed as bipolar, but really my mood and psychotic symptoms are largely independent". But at another level am wondering if I will be seen as crazier than I currently am with just a bipolar diagnosis (after all, bipolar people are only supposed to be crazy during a mood episode but schizoaffective people are potentially crazy at any time) and more unreliable and disabled (bipolar people are not typically seen as having negative symptoms independent of depression while schizoaffective people are) - even though I am quite high-functioning even when markedly psychotic, and my apparent negative symptoms do not really affect my routine at work.

So, after more than twenty years of marriage, my parents are getting divorced.

On the plus side, my dad has reportedly pulled his head out of his ass at last and is facing the reality of the situation rather than losing himself in gardening.

Oh dear! I remember the process of my sister-in-law's parents' divorce was painfully long. It's so awkward even for my family and me. I rarely see her mom now and don't remember having seen her dad in years.

My ex and her husband are getting divorced, which has totally thrown everything about my daughter's life except when she is over with me or her grandparents up in the air...

My sister says Dad was contacting one of his old law school buddies about representing him in court.

I just googled the man's name to see if divorce law was his specialty and it brought up an obituary.

Thought I was going to present a poster at this conference in Moscow in about two weeks and change. Turns out I'll actually be giving an oral talk... and I found this out yesterday.

I was finally able to swim without my right shoulder hurting (I hurt my rotator cuff in a skiing accident in Feb). Trouble is, I just went and pulled a muscle in my left shoulder.

(I don't think it's the same severity and it should just get better soon - it's not the same muscle after all - but god damn it's all I can do not to have my anxiety about it flare up)

vampireshark wrote:Thought I was going to present a poster at this conference in Moscow in about two weeks and change. Turns out I'll actually be giving an oral talk... and I found this out yesterday.

Just be sure to never attend a poster competition. Winning that can in the worst case lead to getting the honour of giving an unprepared talk about your poster on the morning following the conference dinner.

gach wrote:

vampireshark wrote:Thought I was going to present a poster at this conference in Moscow in about two weeks and change. Turns out I'll actually be giving an oral talk... and I found this out yesterday.

Just be sure to never attend a poster competition. Winning that can in the worst case lead to getting the honour of giving an unprepared talk about your poster on the morning following the conference dinner.

Fortunately, none of the posters I've presented have been at conferences with poster contests. But, yeah, that would be more than unpleasant. (Though chances are good not too many people'd be paying attention then!)


Also got word today that my father is moving back to Tex-ass–er, I mean, Texas at the end of the month. And it's not for a happy reason: my grandfather's not been in good shape for quite a while, so my father wants to help take care of him. And, in some ways, he didn't seem to be happy in NC, though I'm not sure if that'll change in Texas.

(At the same time, I'm also starting to think ahead about how awkward things are likely to be when I head back to the US next, probably in December-ish. And I honestly have no idea how to divide my time or how to make that work, especially since, on this next trip, I also want to see some of my friends up in Ohio. So... yeah. Fun.)

I did a 10 km race this morning. But my time was so awful that I won't even mention it.

I have contacted my father for the first time in nearly three years. He's going to sign a form for me that will help me a lot. I feel weird about it. On the one hand, I feel grateful that I have a father willing and able to help me out in this way and I feel that wherever life is routinely made easier by parents as an adult, people who have no parents or parents who refuse to help them, are really being discriminated against... and also, now I'm no longer in the "haven't spoken to my father for ..." phase and into the "I have a difficult relationship with my father" phase, which is less clean cut and had more room for weird emotions.

Also, got a crush on a guy who, statistically, is most likely straight and just very friendly. My brain is processing both excitement and disappointment at the same time - like, brain, can you not? I wish I could just be coolly open to possibilities.

Imralu wrote:I have contacted my father for the first time in nearly three years. He's going to sign a form for me that will help me a lot. I feel weird about it. On the one hand, I feel grateful that I have a father willing and able to help me out in this way and I feel that wherever life is routinely made easier by parents as an adult, people who have no parents or parents who refuse to help them, are really being discriminated against... and also, now I'm no longer in the "haven't spoken to my father for ..." phase and into the "I have a difficult relationship with my father" phase, which is less clean cut and had more room for weird emotions.

Also, got a crush on a guy who, statistically, is most likely straight and just very friendly. My brain is processing both excitement and disappointment at the same time - like, brain, can you not? I wish I could just be coolly open to possibilities.

Ah, I didn't realize that you were contacting your father for the first time in 3 years. All I will say is this, do what you're comfortable with to improve your relationship because once your parent is no longer there you can never go back and you will live a life of regret. I speak from experience. My relationship with my mother was a good one but I never told her how much I love her enough and I rarely outwardly showed my affections and now that I have lost her I feel lots of regret about that and all I can do is try not to make the same mistake with my father or remaining grandparents. People have told me many things to try to comfort me such as she knew, or she can still hear you and you can still talk to her. I don't know if any of those are true, but I do know that I can never again see her in real life and it's a regret I'll live til the end of my days.

People often tell me that. I'm aware of that idea. People often stop telling me that when I tell them all the things my father did. I've decided I can't really regret anything that was the right decision at the time and not contacting him has definitely been the right decision up until now.

Imralu, from what you've said before, your dad's a dick; it's great that he seems to try to be improving in his old age, but I still don't think you owe him a thing. Signing a form for you is the bare minimum a parent should do.

I certainly hope he continues to improve himself, but if you ever do have to cut off contact with him again, I sure wouldn't blame you.

Imralu wrote:People often tell me that. I'm aware of that idea. People often stop telling me that when I tell them all the things my father did. I've decided I can't really regret anything that was the right decision at the time and not contacting him has definitely been the right decision up until now.

Of course you have to do what's best for yourself and I don't know your full story anymore than what I read in that post.

The meds I'm on now actually really work, finally, aside from little bits of mild low mood and occasional little bits of paranoia here and there, but nothing that is too much of a bother, such that things are so much better than not that long ago. However, they are quite sedating, and I have to drink copious amounts of caffeine (i.e. pounding down the energy drinks) to stay awake during the day.

A friend contacted me yesterday for advice about hospice care for his husband. I didn't know he had cancer, let alone that it was this advanced.

On the one hand, I'm flattered they trusted me and happy to help out if I can. On the other, this is bringing up painful memories I wasn't ready to revisit just now.

I applied for a canadian passport last month, and apparently it's arrived now (my mum was born there so i'm a dual citizen). But I think I have to go and pick it up at the embassy, which is about an hour away. Blaaaah

(I think I need to buy a hockey stick to celebrate or something. Or Tim Horton's lol)

I heartily approve of Tim Horton's as a celebration for any occasion. I work with heathens who prefer Dunkin Donuts, though.

My Canadian best friend once said Second Cup is better.

I don't know if I've been getting better or not. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting any worse.

Nest week, I'm starting my first job. Yay!

On the other hand, next week, I'm starting my first job. Eek!

Moscow's a cool city, and my presentation at this conference went well, and there's more than a bit of interesting Science, but this conference is probably one of the worst-organized conferences I've ever seen/been to...

I love coffee.

I had coffee with my breakfast this morning. I'm going swimming now in Kowloon Park and discovered that I was hungry again so I decided to refuel before my swim and had another coffee with my sandwich.

Thing is I'm way too sensitive to caffeine and I will probably go into hyperactive overkill mode now and feel dead by late afternoon (and unable to sleep because caffeine).

But I'm happy to be in Hong Kong. I love Hong Kong. Every time.