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zompist bboard • View topic - The Contradictory Feelings Thread

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 1:31 pm 
Smeric
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Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2004 11:46 am
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It was her that had initially mentioned values, and I asked her what she meant by that.

A major thing is that she defends hitting children because her parents did it to her, and she turned out alright. I oppose it on the grounds of it being violence, a bad example, and ineffective.

A new thing is that her mum say a crime was 'probably done by Comorians'. I replied 'not necessarily' and my girlfriend then complained that I wasn't letting her have her opinion.

I think she would say they were cultural too, but other people here wouldn't do the same things as her family.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 2:13 pm 
Sanno
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But the river tripped on her by and by, lapping
as though her heart was brook: Why, why, why! Weh, O weh
I'se so silly to be flowing but I no canna stay!


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 2:24 pm 
Smeric
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As expected, you look at this from an unexpected angle. And it helps a bit.

For values, I expected to hear moral values. Which was why I started at what seemed to me to be a (to use your term) a hedonistic value.

As an appropriate answer, I mean more or less "does this actually answer the question?".

As for ironed clothes, as far as I am aware, there is no context outside of a house in which she accepts unironed clothes. I have never tried playing football in the rain while with her. I suspect she would consider it unseemly. So it's maybe a good thing I'm not a major fan of football.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 5:16 pm 
Smeric
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 10:44 pm 
Smeric
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Location: Réunion
I think there may be an element of questioning codes when it is seen as inappropriate (that word again!). There is also the aspect of codes that I am used to seeing applied not being applied.

To clarify, she said "I have values" followed up by my question "what do you mean by your values?"

She does have (partly) South Indian origins.

Comorians are a minority that are often scapegoated here. Her mum has very little, if any, experience with Comorians. It's just rumours AFAICT. And it's not an attitude she's mentioned previously. I suspect the rise in anti-Comorian statements and actions accompanies the massive jump in vote for the Front National here, who historically were almost non-existant here. The FN representative at the presidential election said she doesn't 'feel' the statistics on Comorians' prescence in Réunion are real.

In any case, I know I need to compromise in a relationship. But I also know that there has to be a limit.


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 10:48 pm 
Smeric
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Well, she has to compromise, too. I mean, if she wants to be in a relationship with you, she has to at least be willing to let you try to explain your perspective on things as well, instead of just making you listen to hers. :)


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 02, 2018 11:12 pm 
Smeric
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Yes, which is why I was very disappointed to hear that me expressing my opinion was stepping on the opinion of her or her family.

I would hazard an American comparison for the Comorian thing: it's a bit like a village in the Midwest suddenly Concerned about Mexicans when Trump starts his campaign.

In general, the things that I don't like are also present in Scotland, if less frequent. The way she acts like her mum does something therefore it's ok and hitting children are maybe the two things that are markedly more common. But, even then, I think there are diferent ways of doing it that are less bad, even if I still wouldn't do either way. When I think about my friend that I knew already a few years back, her mum hit her little sister, but she barely felt it. My girlfriend's family, it seems like they deliberately make the baby cry.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 04, 2018 10:12 pm 
Avisaru
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. - Mark Twain

In reality, our greatest blessings come to us by way of madness, which indeed is a divine gift. - Socrates


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 05, 2018 7:04 am 
Sumerul
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Siöö jandeng raiglin zåbei tandiüłåd;
nää džunnfin kukuch vklaivei sivei tåd.
Chei. Chei. Chei. Chei. Chei. Chei. Chei.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 06, 2018 10:18 am 
Sanno
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My husband was an avid art collector. A few years before he died, he talked to someone from a local art museum about selling or donating some of his collection. She was very interested in his Japanese graphic art, but for some reason the museum didn't approve the acquisition. I've been struggling with what to do with his collection after his death--we're talking hundreds of pieces, some of them quite valuable--so I got in touch with her again. She sounded enthusiastic about trying again, which should have been a relief but is actually making me feel queasy. It doesn't make sense for me to hold onto indefinitely, but I might not yet be emotionally ready to let it go.


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PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2018 2:18 pm 
Smeric
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Joined: Fri Mar 12, 2004 11:46 am
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Location: Réunion
@Nort:
The comparison was to say that it is a rash judgement/overgeneralisation about people one has never met, based on hearsay. The implication was that Comorians were the most likely source of crime when there is no proof. Any question about demographics and who is immigrant who is not ws largely irrelevant to my question. After all, negative judgements about creoles by immigrants from Metropolitan France are no better. The same would also for two communities that have lived alongside one another for centuries e.g. Christians and Jews in Europe.

Of course, people could say 'they probably had spiky hair' or some other stereotype or overgeneralisation. Or people could say 'they were likely low-status young men with self-control and anger problems and exposed to violence at a young age' which would probably be correct across social/ethnic situations, across humanity basically.

One similarity is that there were more Mexicans in the US beforehand, particularly in the South, as they were previously Mexican territories and more Comorians a century ago in Réunion

There are differences between the two scenarios though, most notably that the population of Comorians is a lot lower (0.3% of the population) and that Comorian culture is close that of the ancestors of Réunionese people. So basically it's like 'you're too much like my grandfather'.

As for demographic shift, we can distinguish between shift in racial origin, identity and culture. These shift at different rates from each other, depending on the status of the immigrants involved. High status/powerful immigrants will make a much more rapid change in culture, and belligerent immigrants i.e. invaders will make more pajor structural changes.

If we look at a case like Mauritius, the population was long majority Afro-descendant, and is since the late nineteenth century majority majority Indian descendant. But the main language stays Mauritian Creole, and the main music genre stays sega, even if the majority religion has changed. Similarly, in the US, Latinos are generally more and more anglophone unfortunately.

So that brings us to a second difference: Mexicans influence the general culture in America to a greater extent than Comorian lunfence on Réunionese culture at the moment.

Of course I can understand it can be annoying for foreigners to have more chance at getting a job than you in your own country, but Comorians are not in the least bit priority for school or house places, let alone jobs. If people are looking for where do all the jobs go to, the obvious target would be people from Metropolitan France, who are demographically more numerous and more often employed, more highly placed when employed.

I'm not saying mass immigration is necessarily a good thing (it would generally be better to resolve the problems of inequality and negative self-image in the home country),

And its important to keep one's culture, but I'm not sure to which extent the culture of Langley Park differs from that of other Anglo-American neighbourhoods.

So basically my comparison was intended to be about not being a dick to people who've never met based upon stereotypes of their origins, whatever the demographic or immigration situation.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:03 pm 
Sanno
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So today we had a "secure spaces" walkthrough of the building. The idea is to acquaint all full-time staff with the various nooks and crannies of the place in case we get another "shelter in place" order due to a suspected "active violence event" on campus.

It was worth doing--there are so many odd little spaces in this complex that "hidden places" tours are regularly one of the most popular events at our annual staff appreciation day. And who knows, maybe some day there will be an incident to justify all this preparation. But I couldn't help thinking, "If I were planning to shoot up the place, this is like a tutorial on where to go and what do do." Like I had no idea where to go to make live announcements over the PA system. I'd always assumed it was the main service desk, but no, there's a setup in the loading dock and another in the "Fire Command Center" (which I now have the keycode to in case I need to shelter there!). So now any staff who wanted to prevent us from making announcements in a crisis knows exactly where to go to do that.

But, you know, it's not like employees ever go over the deep end and shoot up the place where they work. It's only crazy ammosexual strangers who do that.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 2:48 pm 
Avisaru
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Going back to work next week at last, after fifteen months.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 11:21 pm 
Avisaru
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 11:40 pm 
Smeric
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Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2016 3:25 pm
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I feel a sense of deja vu when you mention this bully. This is a person you've mentioned here before, right?


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 24, 2018 11:54 pm 
Sumerul
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Joined: Mon Jun 20, 2005 12:47 pm
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Speaking of quitting jobs, I am torn between staying at my current programming job and potentially switching over to a different programming job. Normally I would not be looking for a new job, but the engineering director of this company was my engineering lead at a past job and specifically wants to bring me on, personally. My current job sounds really nice - I get to program MRI machines - but in reality it is a lot of endless debugging and testing with no end in sight, with an uncertain future - they like me at the job, but have specifically told me that there is no guarantee that my position will be there forever - and no hope for advancement due to the nature of my contracting arrangement. At the same time, the potential new job is a web development position, which I am not sure if I am happy about, is at a small company, which can mean fewer benefits, and this will be a contract-to-hire arrangement - but at least that means a potential for becoming a permanent employee, whereas in my current arrangement there is no potential to become a permanent anything. All in all, though, I do not like change, and tend towards conservatism in how I do things, unless I unequivocally decide that something is the right thing to do. Regardless, I will be interviewing at this potential new job tomorrow, and we will see how that goes.

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Dibotahamdn duthma jallni agaynni ra hgitn lakrhmi.
Amuhawr jalla vowa vta hlakrhi hdm duthmi xaja.
Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2018 12:05 am 
Avisaru
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2018 12:09 am 
Avisaru
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2018 1:10 am 
Smeric
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Risla, I want to say thanks for some of your posts, especially in response to someone talking about being accused of making someone feel suicidal. It's comforting to hear from someone that it's probably not really our fault when that happens to us because I've been wondering. I wish I could figure out how to respond, though. I think I'm gradually beginning to feel increasingly desperate.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 25, 2018 4:43 am 
Avisaru
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 2:14 am 
Sumerul
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jesus. well at least you've got g*** :roll:

good luck. come visit tokyo sometime :)


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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 3:44 am 
Avisaru
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:35 pm 
Sumerul
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Welp. I just gave my notice, talked with my manager, my contracting company manager, and my team lead about leaving, and this all just happened, practically unplanned. I was never really looking to change jobs, but rather this new job just fell in my lap and I never did anything to not change jobs. But of course, this was the right job - the location is ideal, I already know the engineering manager, it gives me the opportunity to work on a new product, and it will advance my career by giving me an opportunity to work in an area which I had been unable to break into previously - at the right time, and while I was okay with my current job, I was not exactly happy with it either - it had turned into unending drudgery that was doing nothing to help my career - so I let this happen.

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Dibotahamdn duthma jallni agaynni ra hgitn lakrhmi.
Amuhawr jalla vowa vta hlakrhi hdm duthmi xaja.
Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro.


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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 10:53 am 
Avisaru
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PostPosted: Tue May 01, 2018 1:16 pm 
Sumerul
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Dibotahamdn duthma jallni agaynni ra hgitn lakrhmi.
Amuhawr jalla vowa vta hlakrhi hdm duthmi xaja.
Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro. Irdro.


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