Venting thread that still excludes eddy (2)

[Pole, the]

Every year, the local acting group made of high school students has a free performance for friends soon after Christmas.

It's been like two years and a half since we graduated. So, today, we, my former high school class, planned to meet at the spectacle and maybe go to some restaurant afterwards.

Long story short, there were only five of us, including me. We watched the spectacle, talked a bit and soon split. Quite underwhelming.

[jal]

`Is this what you mean by "Patience"?

Afaik at least they are all still alive. No, I was talking about this one.


JAL

[Travis B.]

Yay. I'm (more) depressed and hallucinating (more). And I've got to wait until the 12th to see my psych to do anything about it. And I can't call her, because she's off on vacation through the 11th. And to make things worse I have to actually get work done despite being quite depressed, but I don't know some of the things necessary to do the work (which I know jack squat about, since it is not my part of the project by any means), but the person who gave me the work is off on vacation into the new year and I was unable to contact him. So all I can do is give up and say I can't do it. But I don't know how important it is, because the person who was supposed to said an email off about that (to someone whose name I do not recall) forgot to do so and has seemingly left work. So yeah. I'm depressed and work is shitty. And there is nothing I can do about any of this.

Edit: I managed to get ahold of the person who seemingly left the building.

[jal]

Yay. I'm (more) depressed and hallucinating (more).

That sucks Trav, also the work shit. I hope it works out!


JAL

[Chagen]

I posted this to a discord server I frequent. I'm just gonna repost it directly because screw typing it all over again. Not even gonna edit out all the kink references. I'm too tired and I don't fucking care anymore.

For the record, I got prescribed some anti-depressants awhile back. They are working pretty well IMO, though my life is still falling apart.

Like I owe 230 bucks to my school right now or I can't register

Classes start the 4th.

There is simply no way my family could pay it, and they never could have paid it.

My parents do not know this--well, I told them at the beginning of the semester "hey, we owe 230 bucks or so" and my mom was all "I'll pay it!"

But of course, she decided that taking 150 bucks from the grocery money every month and making me and my dad scrounge and save just to buy extra stuff to eat while she ordered her coins in online casinos and shipped reams of tacky shit from China to our house was a better use of her money.

I mean if you're going to steal 150 bucks every month (maybe twice a month, I think!) then at least fucking spend it on getting your son through fucking college and not beer and useless bullshit
Even putting away 50 each time he gave her groceries would have been enough to pay it off through what, five paychecks? My dad gets paid twice a month and school started in August. If we had started saving in September we would have been done in fucking November

Fucking mom.

and my dad will definitely be all "why didn't you tell us?!" (there was no money for goddamn anything, not even Christmas, that's why, and I was suicidally depressed for 90% of the semester) or "why didn't you get a job and pay for it (depression and getting a job is not easy)

I am really scared.

My life was getting better on these antidepressants, and I was even making new friends on here and Realm of Crinkle Butts. I got a new little sister, got back in touch with my little side, got a daddy, a sis, and a brother, stopped hiding who I was and let me be me, and I was feeling better. For once things were getting better(edited)

Of course things get better right as this shit happens. My parents will destroy me. Even though it's not my fault at all, I don't have any money, I took loans already to pay for last semester, I don't have a job why
does this shit always happen WHY IS EVERYTHING ALWAYS MY FAULT TO THESE PEOPLE WHY WONT THEY LISTEN AND SEE HOW MUCH I'M HURTING AND HOW DIFFICULT EVERYTHING IS

sigh

I'm sorry

This was embarrassing

I don't care enough to edit the kink references out. Congrats guys, thanks to my stress and relapsing depression you all know about my weird ass fetishes (this was posted to a kink server in the non-fetish general chat). I don't care what people think of me anymore.

[Travis B.]

Do you think we would think less of you because of this? Because I at least do not.

[Travis B.]

Yay. I'm (more) depressed and hallucinating (more).

That sucks Trav, also the work shit. I hope it works out!

Okay, I finally got ahold of the person I needed by phone who was refusing to reply to my emails, so I just might be able to get what I needed done done. I still feel like shit though.

[Chagen]

Think less of me for what? I mean, I've been bitching about this for a while but I am so fucking tired and done I'm not even hiding my fucking fetishes at this point. Yeah this was an ABDL server. I've been in two of them for about a month now or so. These friends I have been mentioning--they're a part of these servers. I'd probably have committed suicide if not for these guys being my friends.

God what the fuck is wrong with me. I've spent the past week roleplaying as a toddler dragon and demonboy. Right now I am letting a girl tell me that she wants me to treat her like she's a fucking two-year-old. Dear god. How much further can I fall?

I should be truthful and blunt: I had a weird-ass fantasy a week ago or so that I went all little mode with you guys. It was strange. I was sleep deprived. Yup.

Why am I even telling you all this. I'm gonna regret having posted this later.

[Travis B.]

I still don't think less of you because of this.

[Pole, the]

God what the fuck is wrong with me. I've spent the past week roleplaying as a toddler dragon and demonboy. Right now I am letting a girl tell me that she wants me to treat her like she's a fucking two-year-old. Dear god. How much further can I fall?

Wait, if a girl tells you about her fetishes,

• (1) isn't it a good thing?
  (2) if it were a bad thing, wouldn't that mean she's bad, not you?

[Chagen]

God what the fuck is wrong with me. I've spent the past week roleplaying as a toddler dragon and demonboy. Right now I am letting a girl tell me that she wants me to treat her like she's a fucking two-year-old. Dear god. How much further can I fall?

Wait, if a girl tells you about her fetishes,

• (1) isn't it a good thing?
  (2) if it were a bad thing, wouldn't that mean she's bad, not you?

We share the same fetishes, hence why we're on the same server.

[Imralu]

I can't see anyone here judging you for kinks, Chagen. We're all human. It's all fine and it's nice you're in a community to talk about it and explore it further.

Also, I know it's not my place to say this, but your mum is a waste of skin. I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of stuff.

[Chagen]

Uuuuugh. I just...sigh. I just don't care. Yes my mom does suck. She has been stealing money from the groceries since forever. I can't be little mode at all today. I miss it already. Also another girl on that server is throwing a fit because I dared to talk to a woman other than her. I think at least. And telling her "holy shit stop being a clingy weirdo" is obviously not a good idea, so I dunno wtf to do

This girl is cute but she keeps chewing on my shirt lol

[Pole, the]

We share the same fetishes, hence why we're on the same server.

So, that's a good thing, right?

This girl is cute but she keeps chewing on my shirt lol

Is it some idiom I don't understand, or does she meet you in real life and chew on your clothes?

Does she have a shirt-chewing fetish?

[Chagen]

We share the same fetishes, hence why we're on the same server.

So, that's a good thing, right?

This girl is cute but she keeps chewing on my shirt lol

Is it some idiom I don't understand, or does she meet you in real life and chew on your clothes?

Yes it is. I just feel weird as fuck.

No we chat through Discord and um...

In attempting to explain this it has dawned on me how baffling ageplay sounds to people not into it

In the rp we do she is chewing on my shirt constantly

MAAAAAAN now you guys know how much of a weirdo I am

[jmcd]

Uh your mum has a gambling addiction and a shopping addiction it seems. It mgiht be a good idea for her to get therapy.

I would say retaliate and take grocery money for yourself but it's not honest and I can't see it working out well in the long run.

Perhaps if you discuss your financial and family issues with someone at the uni (if you haven't already?).

After that, you could try and find a job (although I know it's easier said than done).

[Pole, the]

Yes it is. I just feel weird as fuck.

No we chat through Discord and um...

Ah, that makes sense.

In attempting to explain this it has dawned on me how baffling ageplay sounds to people not into it

I'm not into it, but I've read enough erotica I think I understand it.

MAAAAAAN now you guys know how much of a weirdo I am

Whatever floats your boat.

[Vijay]

Yes it is. I just feel weird as fuck.

No we chat through Discord and um...

Ah, that makes sense.

In attempting to explain this it has dawned on me how baffling ageplay sounds to people not into it

I'm not into it, but I've read enough erotica I think I understand it.

MAAAAAAN now you guys know how much of a weirdo I am

Whatever floats your boat.

Exactly, Chagen. There are plenty of people out there who are into ageplay, and just because there are also a lot of people who aren't doesn't mean you need to be ashamed of being into it. It doesn't give anyone the right to shame you for it, either.

[Chagen]

You are such nice people. My friends on RoCB agree, including my sis...

I feel little again. That fantasy where I was little around you guys was...weird. I'm pretty sure sleep deprivation brought it on. My little side would drive you guys absolutely bonkers in a flash though, hehehe

[Chagen]

I feel sick.

I dun feel little again T___T

It's starting to down on me that school starts in 5 days and I can't go

And how much of a living hell my parents will make me feel when they figure this out even though it's not my fault

I'll just repost what I said in RoCB in screencap format. Names are blanked out except for my own. The reason 90% of my name is blanked out is because it's supremely embarrassing.









Yeah yeah everything's an inconsistent length and looks ugly, dun care

[Ketumak]

I'm not he to judge you either, Chagen. I can't offer much in the way of advice over family situation, but as to the raising of 230 dollars in five days - I wonder if it could be crowd-funded? If you set something up and advertise it here and on RoCB, maybe we could all chip in a little and raise it between us?

Just a thought.

[Chagen]

Too late really. I mean I HAVE to pay it eventually, but I definitely wont be able to register. Not that I even know what I would register for.

I need a semester off. So many people I've talked to have said this. But my parents will not like it.

[Ketumak]

Fair enough. I was just thinking we once paid in for an emergency air fare for a member, so there is precedent should you need it in future. Perhaps under the circs a break is for the best.

Best explain to the college exactly what the problem is though, so they'll know it's not lack of motivation or anything. Also check if they've got a hardship fund or could accept late payments. Perhaps your parents could manage a small monthly direct debit more easily than finding large sums twice a year.

[Travis B.]

Sigh. Things were looking earlier in December like things really would be better by the new year... and they simply aren't... at all. Of course rationally this should just be a med tweak... that feels like forever from now... How am I supposed to wait until the 12th? But rationally I know I can... after all I handled three months of being suicidal on and off, and I am only barely ideating now... but that required two IP stays, something I would prefer to not repeat. Of course that does not change how I feel about it... the 12th still feels impossibly long from now

[Travis B.]

My god I am so fucking depressed... I now am ideating, for the first time in months, and just want this to all end, how I don't really care... Make it stop, please? (I wish I could fucking cry right now.)

(For the record, I do not have intent at this point, thank god.)