Venting thread that still excludes eddy (2)

[Risla]

Thanks for the support, guys. In situations like this I tend to feel like maybe I'm just being unreasonable (my internal dialogue has a lot of "the doctor has a lot of patients so it's understandable if she fails to be aware of your medical history, stop being so entitled" and "well you should have filled your kampo prescription and taken it, why are you such a noncompliant patient"), so it's good to have some outside perspectives that back me up. Also, you're quite right that if it is all anxiety, that also warrants treatment instead of dismissal.

I'm not quite as despondent about it right now. I have done quite a lot of symptom googling in the last few weeks and do have some suspicions about what's going on (specifically, the wikipedia page on Roemheld syndrome is basically a list of my symptoms, and in the causes are things I have had many issues in the past; although I am having trouble finding any reputable information on the condition in question, at least it's a starting point). Going to do what I can to self-treat based on these suspicions, and hope for the best with the gastroenterologist.

[Vijay]

I'm sorry to hear about that as well, Risla, though it's good to hear that you've at least found something that seems to match what you have.

In the Japanese medical system, they are! Apparently the first stuff they gave me consists of, get this, cinnamon and ground up grasshoppers. I didn't even bother to fill the prescription for the second one.

The last time I went to India I had a stomach flu that was so bad I couldn't even drink water without throwing up. My grandmother gave me some ajwain mixed with water as a kind of traditional herbal medicine and was apparently sure that that would help. Yeah I totally wasn't going to just throw that up, too, right?

[Herra Ratatoskr]

Tomorrow will be the second mother's day since Mum's passing and I'm a bit unnerved at how "raw" everything is suddenly feeling. I guess since it wasn't the first time I had my guard down and it snuck in. Gonna have to watch out for father's day next month.

[Travis B.]

Either the staticky, flickery, ripply visuals I see are psychotic, and thus I need even more antipsychotic than I am already on, or are the result of glaucoma. The argument for the former is that they had shown up years ago, and I am not blind now as I should be had I years of untreated glaucoma, when they have shown up has always been around times when I have had other psychotic things going on, and in the past they went away when antipsychotic was added. The argument for the latter is that they really do not seem like normal hallucinations at all and rather flicker supposedly normally indicates a problem with the eye itself.

[Ketumak]

To update: my own situation got a lot better then worsened again slightly. My wife and I got a lot of threats and accusations from her brother last month, in the aftermath of their mother's death. We ended up sending him a solicitor's letter and we think a cousin had a quiet word with him too. After that things got better and the funeral passed off without incident. Indeed people praised us how we'd organised it. Now we're turning to the estate and he's getting awkward again, nothing major as yet, but we shall see.

[Risla]

So I've been near-fasting for a few days now, because eating has gotten too scary. I figured "can't eat because of cardiac symptoms" constituted an emergency, so I went to the emergency room and told them what was going on. Unfortunately, I was so stressed out that my blood pressure and pulse were sky high, and that ended up consuming basically all the attention. I ended up getting held overnight and released once I'd managed to relax a bit and my vitals returned to normal levels.

They didn't give me any food the whole time, even though I tried to ask for it, as I'm certain it would have gotten some attention if they measured my vitals afterwards (generally my pulse drops to ~50bpm, for one…) or checked abdominal sensitivity (any kind of pressure hurts a lot). I wish I'd just brought in some food and was like "hey, check this out!" When they were like "k you can go" after my blood pressure returned to normal, I tried to press the issue, but was told it could be handled in outpatient in a couple days.

Now I do have an appointment for Wednesday morning, but I'm back home not eating because it's scary—I tried about eight hours ago and am still feeling the effects. I can, at least, still consume clear liquids with no ill effect, so I've been drinking sports drinks to stay hydrated and that seems to keep me feeling okay. Current plans are to maintain a clear liquid diet through tomorrow and then trigger the symptoms as dramatically as possible (some foods clearly cause more trouble than others) before the appointment on Wednesday. If this doesn't work, I don't know what the hell I'll do, and I maintain my exasperation that I apparently have to go to these measures to try to get taken seriously.

[Salmoneus]

So I've been near-fasting for a few days now, because eating has gotten too scary. I figured "can't eat because of cardiac symptoms" constituted an emergency, so I went to the emergency room and told them what was going on. Unfortunately, I was so stressed out that my blood pressure and pulse were sky high, and that ended up consuming basically all the attention. I ended up getting held overnight and released once I'd managed to relax a bit and my vitals returned to normal levels.

They didn't give me any food the whole time, even though I tried to ask for it, as I'm certain it would have gotten some attention if they measured my vitals afterwards (generally my pulse drops to ~50bpm, for one…) or checked abdominal sensitivity (any kind of pressure hurts a lot). I wish I'd just brought in some food and was like "hey, check this out!" When they were like "k you can go" after my blood pressure returned to normal, I tried to press the issue, but was told it could be handled in outpatient in a couple days.

Now I do have an appointment for Wednesday morning, but I'm back home not eating because it's scary—I tried about eight hours ago and am still feeling the effects. I can, at least, still consume clear liquids with no ill effect, so I've been drinking sports drinks to stay hydrated and that seems to keep me feeling okay. Current plans are to maintain a clear liquid diet through tomorrow and then trigger the symptoms as dramatically as possible (some foods clearly cause more trouble than others) before the appointment on Wednesday. If this doesn't work, I don't know what the hell I'll do, and I maintain my exasperation that I apparently have to go to these measures to try to get taken seriously.

Really sounds like a panic problem, imo, perhaps triggered by something physical (perhaps as simple as a digestive issue leading to gas and bloating - that can give you abdominal pain, and by pressing on the diaphragm it can make you feel like it's harder to breathe, which can trigger panic attacks, particularly if you get some heartburn at the same time).

One thing that springs to mind when you mention your pulse dropping is deglutition syncope - I mention it just because I know someone with it, and it took forever to diagnose because it's not very common. Basically it means that eating food causes the heart to stop (briefly!), which causes light-headedness, fainting, strange heart feelings, etc. At least in the case I know about, however, that was a much more acute thing than you're describing - the symptoms would accompany or immediately follow eating, and I don't think it could last for eight hours (it works through unwanted stimulation of a certain nerve by the process of eating).

But of course I'm not a doctor...

I'd be careful about the extreme fasting, though. In particular, if you are having panic attacks (with hypertension and tachycardia high enough to require hospitalisation!), I'd worry that consuming nothing but high-sugar energy drinks might have a counterproductive effect...

[Travis B.]

To me (I am not a doctor) it definitely sounds like something autonomic in addition to panic is going on, because panic itself does not normally cause bradycardia, but autonomic things certainly can.

I agree that avoiding eating and relying on just caffeinated sugary drinks is probably a bad idea. If you insist on not eating, could you drink your food, i.e. make smoothies?

[Risla]

I'm not drinking energy drinks (caffeine and carbonation are both bad news), I'm drinking sports drinks, and not the extremely sweetened type either. Actually a good chunk of what I'm drinking is oral rehydration solution. I actually agree that fasting is probably a bad idea, but I feel so spectacularly terrible after eating anything that eating feels like a worse idea, although I may try some highly digestible foods (probably white rice). And in my defense, I do have a LOT of experience with clear liquid diets.

Going to the emergency room was the only instance of tachycardia or hypertension so far. Outside of one of these episodes I've described, my resting BPM hovers around 74, and I can't measure my blood pressure but it doesn't feel high or low. Mid-episode, my average BPM drops to, usually, about 55, with marked differences between breathing in and breathing out (on the latter, there are often ~1.5+ second intervals between beats, with one or two ectopic beats on the exhale), and I still can't measure my blood pressure but it certainly feels quite low.

I definitely agree that panic/anxiety is a factor here, but I doubt it's the root of the issue. Also, it would be hard to find anyone with a stronger family history of vagus nerve dysfunction (see: my dad, grandma, several uncles, several cousins, and great aunt), and also I have my own risk factors (AIUI even UC comes with a 35% rate of autonomic neuropathy).

[Ketumak]

This all sounds worrying, Risla. Hope you get a diagnosis and treatment soon. Meantime, have you tried soup? some of them can be quite clear. What about smoothies, or would those be a step too far?

[Risla]

Not a vent but rather some positive news, but hey I might as well continue it in this thread.

I had my appointment this morning with one of the same doctors. My blood and urine tests came back pretty much normal, and he seemed genuinely concerned about the symptoms I described and the fact that I haven't been able to work or sleep or eat things, and agreed with me that this is likely to be autonomic (now I know how to say "autonomic nervous system" in Japanese), but that that takes time to diagnose. I've got another appointment on Monday.

In the meanwhile, I've had some significant luck treating this like a nasty UC flareup: electrolytes (including broth) and nothing but the blandest possible foods, and fiber (in particular) is the devil. This means I CAN eat some solid foods, but I have to be super duper careful. I managed to make it through the day fine after consuming rice balls, udon, and bread, but seem to have gotten laid low by a glass of iced cocoa with little bits of cocoa beans in it. But frankly I don't mind having an excuse to subsist on tuna mayo rice balls and shiopan from the bakeries.

The fact that a low residue diet seems to be the way to go strongly suggests that the root of this is gastrointestinal inflammation (which then overstimulates the vagus nerve and leads to these symptoms). Corroborating this hypothesis is the fact that other various inflammatory processes seem to be highly correlated with whether I am having symptoms or not; eg my knees feel fine when I'm not symptomatic, but feel horrible when I am.

Plans are now to put together a case for this inflammation hypothesis, on paper, and present it to the doctor on Monday. I've also got my gastroenterologist appointment on Tuesday. In the meanwhile I think maybe I'll be fine, as I've certainly been on a low-residue diet before and pretty well know the ropes.

[alynnidalar]

That is good news! Not only that you're having success with certain foods being OK, but also that you might make some progress with an actual diagnosis.

[finlay]

Ugh i had a horrible day, starting with a stupid fight with my boyfriend. I went for physiotherapy, but didn't get anything useful out of the appointment because it was mostly me moping that my shoulder isn't getting any better - I hurt it in February and it is still hurting now, not all the time but it's all stiff and stuff. So it was just her telling me to have better posture. I can't do the things I want to - swimming is still basically a no-go zone right now and cycling can also be tough on my arm, which leads to me going to a mental clinic to try and calm down my hyperactive anxiety, but the new meds the doctor gave me the other day are really zoning me out and making me properly high. He also seems to think that sleep is my main problem, which it's not. He thinks that I shouldn't be having so many dreams, although this medicine is making me have more vivid and disturbing dreams than usual. So I end up in a deep sleep and kicking my boyfriend out of bed without realizing it. I found him sleeping on the floor this morning which led to me having to shout to wake him up to take me to the clinic like he'd promised, but we arrived way late because getting him out of bed is a fucking chore.

Then I went all the way into central Tokyo to try and apply for a Canadian passport (which I can get because my mum was born there), but I only found out after I got there that they only accept passport applications until 12:00 noon daily, and they also don't accept Japanese yen in cash. You'd think this might be important information that they'd like to put on their website, but no. Fuck's sake. I'll have to go back another day. Maybe next week.

Then I went to the Yayoi Kusama festival, which was fascinating and I would have regretted not going, but I was in a bit of a daze after all else that's happened, and being squeezed in with hundreds of other people is not the way to get over anxious feelings. Also I had to wait over an hour to get in - half an hour just to buy the ticket and then they sent us into another queue. I ended up not buying the postcards I wanted because I'd have to wait in a 40 minute queue just for the gift shop.

On top of all this, my work is slow and I'm not really able to support myself on the current wages I'm getting as it's a zero hours contract and depends on the ebb and flow of demand, and I took a week off this month to try and also stabilize my health, which only half-worked. My health has to take priority over being paid, whether that's fortunate or not...

[finlay]

the good (???) news is that i might be able to claim back medical expenses on my taxes as the bills are starting to mount up and will hit that magical ¥100,000 mark soon...

[Travis B.]

Just because I post in this thread a lot, I am going to put this here: Well. My psychiatrist and therapist thought the visuals I see may be an eye problem, so I went to an optometrist, who said that my eyes are perfectly fine aside from some slight nearsightedness. So now I can tell my psychiatrist and therapist that, no, this is not an eye problem. It probably is a good thing that it is not an eye problem.

As for an actual vent, things seemed to be going so well... and now cars with their headlights on are watching me again, I feel paranoid about hearing people talk quietly in the distance, and more disturbingly, after hearing a noise at night I searched my entire house for someone having broken in, even in the cupboards and the fridge just in case someone was hiding in there.

[Risla]

On top of all this, my work is slow and I'm not really able to support myself on the current wages I'm getting as it's a zero hours contract and depends on the ebb and flow of demand, and I took a week off this month to try and also stabilize my health, which only half-worked. My health has to take priority over being paid, whether that's fortunate or not...

God I'm so glad I'm mostly out of that job (have only been doing three or four days a month, and some of those just mornings). I did have to call in sick for it on Monday though, and I've been worried about if I'll be in trouble, since I could only give an hour's notice...The good news for you is that summer tends to be higher demand, so maybe it'll pick up soon (spring is certainly the doldrums though).

the good (???) news is that i might be able to claim back medical expenses on my taxes as the bills are starting to mount up and will hit that magical ¥100,000 mark soon...

At the rate I'm going I'll be over that mark too. Spent ¥10,000 in the last few days, ouch.

[linguoboy]

Omigod, I am so sick of the neverending amateur hour that is my condo association. I tried several times at the last association meeting to explain the concept of "limited common element" as it applies to the two parking spaces in back and still the other owners are like, "I don't understand, if the condo owns the parking spaces, how can anybody claim one for themselves and rent it out?"

[cunningham]

Cicadas are here 4 years early. It's God's punishment for Trump.
Apparently they are supposed to be part of Brood X, they come out every 17 years and are scheduled for 2021 but some have come out now.
Every morning when I walk to school I get surprise attacked Japanese-style by these kamikaze fuckers. As I was combing my hair just now, a carcass fell out. Christ, how horrifying. Probably fell from a tree. They love to just keel over and fall onto poor souls below. It's really unsettling. God must've made a mistake because these big idiots just wriggle in the middle of the sidewalk just asking to be eaten or squashed. It's creepy watching them wriggle around stupidly like tortured souls. Waking up from their slumber just to writhe in pain for a week....how Gothic. Those beady red eyes gave me nightmares last night, not good for finals week.
I feel like a little kid swatting these mofos with a tennis racket lol.
The good thing about cicadas though is that it makes for some good fishing.

[linguoboy]

The good thing about cicadas though is that it makes for some good fishing.

And good eating.

[cunningham]

cunningham wrote:
The good thing about cicadas though is that it makes for some good fishing.

And good eating.

Apparently they taste like asparagus.

[Io]

I read cunningham's post 3 times trying to make sense out of it (Brood X sounded like a name of a film), I'm familiar with cicadas from the Mediterranean but apparently you're dealing with periodical cicadas which emerge in massive numbers, from tens of thousands to a million bugs per acre. Wow! It must be quite strange seeing them for a first time in your life as it can take 17 years.

>As I was combing my hair just now, a carcass fell out.

In my teens I had long curly-wavy hair, I didn't comb it very often and once I found a dead wasp in my hair.

Oh how weird, the song of the M. septendecim species, sounds like something extraterrestrial.

[Risla]

I'm still overall feeling better (the palpitations, at least, have improved a lot), but am far from being a-okay. I remain just exhausted and have been missing work, and am not very productive when I do go to work. I'm tired enough that I've been idly wishing that I'd just collapse or something and get admitted to the hospital so I'd have someone taking care of me. I'm generally pretty solitary and prefer being alone, but being sick and alone sucks and seems to bring out the loneliness.

Also the thought of "what if I'm sick enough that I can't work and will lose my job and, subsequently, my visa, and have to go back to America and my toxic, toxic family" has been haunting me even more than usual. The idea of having to go back is more or less my worse nightmare, and I genuinely don't know what I would do if it came to that.

[Travis B.]

I now feel like cameras may be planted in my house to watch me... Sigh...

[jal]

I now feel like cameras may be planted in my house to watch me

*enjoying live stream of "this is Travis B" on YouTube*
Seriously though, that sucks. The head lights still too, or does it alter between different things "watching"?


JAL

[Travis B.]

I now feel like cameras may be planted in my house to watch me

*enjoying live stream of "this is Travis B" on YouTube*
Seriously though, that sucks. The head lights still too, or does it alter between different things "watching"?

I still feel like cars with their headlights on are watching me, but I do not usually feel like my coworkers are watching me these days (thank gawd). The latter thing had been making me miserable at work.

And yeah, I even felt like there might be cameras in the bathrooms too... Somehow that disturbs me more than the thought I've had in the past that there was beings in the heating register and the toilet watching me; for some reason I don't really care what beings see, whereas people viewing what is seen by cameras is another story...