Venting thread that still excludes eddy (2)

[kuroda]

Vijay, all my relations with the local and state police are handled (if not by statute, then at least by internal policy) through their LGBTQIA* ombudsmen/offices/etc. The people staffing those positions are very chummy with the people who feel I need to 'die in a fire' etc. And in the bigger picture, I haven't endeared myself to law enforcement over the years; so, maybe, at senior or supervisory levels I'd guess they're kinda satisfied with my situation.

Re: temperatures & measurement, yes, I agree with every single one of you. The point is, it's always too fucking hot!

[kuroda]

Vijay, all my relations with the local and state police are handled (if not by statute, then at least by internal policy) through their LGBTQIA* ombudsmen/offices/etc. The people staffing those positions are very chummy with the people who feel I need to 'die in a fire' etc. And in the bigger picture, I haven't endeared myself to law enforcement over the years; so, maybe, at senior or supervisory levels I'd guess they're kinda satisfied with my situation.

Re: temperatures & measurement, yes, I agree with every single one of you. The point is, it's always too fucking hot!

[Vijay]

I'm sorry to hear that, kuroda. That's awful.

I also don't get why they'd charge you with a hate crime. Do you have any idea why? Apart from just being sexist assholes who are privileged as fuck or something?

(Sorry if I'm bringing this up too often, by the way).

[malloc]

I am trying to come to terms with the realization that I have dedicated the better part of my life, from adolescence to middle-age, to a lost cause. Everything I care about has been rendered worthless. I might as well have taken up phlogiston theory for all the good it would do me.

[hwhatting]

I assume anyone who's actually interested has far since grubbed up my ISP and specific location; because, after all, this is all Techie-Land now.

Oh, I'm not very Techie, I wouldn't even know how to do that if I wanted. And it would be stalkerish, wouldn't it?

Vijay, all my relations with the local and state police are handled (if not by statute, then at least by internal policy) through their LGBTQIA* ombudsmen/offices/etc. The people staffing those positions are very chummy with the people who feel I need to 'die in a fire' etc. And in the bigger picture, I haven't endeared myself to law enforcement over the years; so, maybe, at senior or supervisory levels I'd guess they're kinda satisfied with my situation.

Ain't there anyone you could complain to (if you think it's worth the effort)?
But anyway, if you don't want to continue this, I don't want to cause you any additional stress!

[vampireshark]

Currently in the editing stage for what should hopefully be article #3, and, good lord, it's a nightmare already. Never mind the fact that this is my third try at trying to write/submit this article (the other two being abandoned due to my boss losing interest!), I'm getting really frustrated at the thing. He doesn't get the corrections/suggested edits to me by the dates he initially promises (and then will, undoubtedly, blame that on me); he suddenly decides that something's a problem despite the fact that, the other three or four times he's seen it, it wasn't; and his writing's actually not that good, so I'm also having to correct his mistakes in his corrections. Oh, the joy...

[finlay]

I assume anyone who's actually interested has far since grubbed up my ISP and specific location; because, after all, this is all Techie-Land now.

Oh, I'm not very Techie, I wouldn't even know how to do that if I wanted. And it would be stalkerish, wouldn't it?

I don't think this is the kind of forum that would do that. I'd like to think that, anyway. Besides, you haven't really given us reason to hunt you down.

I also don't get why they'd charge you with a hate crime. Do you have any idea why? Apart from just being sexist assholes who are privileged as fuck or something?

I'm gonna guess that there's some in-fighting in the lgbt community/ies in kuroda's town - woman-hating gay men or someone. To put it nicely. Tends to be the men who get violent in these situations too. You'd think they'd know better, but nah.

[Nortaneous]

Every so often I ask myself why I'm still staying alive, just to see what my priorities are, and I realized today that I don't have any reason other than that a few people would be disappointed if I died.

I'm not sure if this means I genuinely don't care about anything else anymore, or if I just don't think I'm capable of doing much of anything. Probably it'll pass when I move (again) and get a better job and a car and knock the dust off myself.

I guess it's worth a try, if for no reason other than because anything is better than nothing.

[hwhatting]

a few people would be disappointed if I died.

That's a good thing to have.

I'm not sure if this means I genuinely don't care about anything else anymore, or if I just don't think I'm capable of doing much of anything. Probably it'll pass when I move (again) and get a better job and a car and knock the dust off myself.

I guess it's worth a try, if for no reason other than because anything is better than nothing.

Well, yes, if you don't like your current life, trying something new is probably best! I wish you luck!

[rotting bones]

Nort: Meaning in life comes from supporting causes you agree with. Try having fun frustrating the liberal cause, but don't just do it on the margins. Get really involved with it.

[Io]

Not a rant, just a stupid story: I saw a missed call today from my swimming instructor and for whatever reason my brain thought it was my shrink (their names are nothing alike, nevermind that shrinks never call you unless you seek them first), so I called her back and immediately started blabbering nonsense about my pills, and she's like "huh? what? what are you taking?", this keeps going on until I slowly start to realise that's not the voice of my shrink, then I suddenly have an "OMFG" moment. Once we had it all figured she asked "are you alright?"... uh, I guess. It almost comical.

[vampireshark]

So, yesterday, my father informed my mother that he intends to file for divorce. Kinda knew this was coming (they've been separated for about 2 years now), but still hurts to hear.

[linguoboy]

So, yesterday, my father informed my mother that he intends to file for divorce. Kinda knew this was coming (they've been separated for about 2 years now), but still hurts to hear.

The actual ratification of the divorce will hurt, too, when it happens, even if you think you've steeled yourself against it.

*hugs*

[Vijay]

Oh, sorry to hear that, vampireshark! My sister-in-law's parents had a very long, drawn-out divorce a few years ago, too. *hugs*

I realized today that I don't have any reason other than that a few people would be disappointed if I died.

But you know, do we have to have a reason anyway? It's not like we chose to live when we were born. We wouldn't exist without our parents.

I don't know you very well and don't seem to agree with a lot of your political views, but I still wouldn't want you to die. You still seem like an interesting person. You've said some pretty smart and/or clever things sometimes, I'm pretty sure you know more linguistics than like 99% of our countrymen, and you're also nice to us at least sometimes; I remember you welcomed me to this forum, for instance.

[Pole, the]

I can't believe it's been over a year since my grandmother died.

I mean, there are moments I literally cannot believe it. A few days ago, I had a dream about my grandma being still alive, as it happens from time to time. Later that day, I glimpsed a memory of my aunt and her family being together with me and my grandparents at her family allotment garden during the summertime and then I mused about how much time is left until the next summertime — and then I realized the summer's almost already over and I spent most of it studying and working. And then, that it's never going to be the same anymore, not only because my grandmother isn't here, but also because I will probably have to spend more and more time on my education, my career, or both.

Also, a year ago, it didn't hurt so much because, even if it came so abruptly, I somehow expected it. What I didn't expect was how it was going to affect me. I feel like I should've cherished those old moments more than I did and I feel stupid for not appreciating what I had…

(Sorry for writing the same kind of a post every o often, but sometimes I just need to… well, vent.)

[mèþru]

@Nort: as someone who struggles with suicidal ideation, here's my advice:
Don't look for reasons for life. There are none. Just focus on how to live. Sometimes things like politics can get people worked up and angry over ethical issues, so it might be better to focus on conlanging/conworlding than that. You're pretty good at it (much better than me). I agree with what Vijay said. Also, we'll miss your trolling.

[Vijay]

Sorry for writing the same kind of a post every o often, but sometimes I just need to… well, vent.

No need to apologize! I mean, that's kind of what this thread is for. Besides, it's not just you; each of us is often dealing with (different or even just slightly different) manifestations of a broader problem in our lives.

Sometimes things like politics can get people worked up and angry over ethical issues, so it might be better to focus on conlanging/conworlding than that.

Ugh, definitely. There are much better things to do out there than get bogged down in politics, at least in general.

[rotting bones]

There are two branches of political philosophy in the West: Roman republicanism and English liberalism. Liberalism says that citizens ought to minimize the role of politics in their lives and quietly do their own thing. This will add up to progress over the centuries. Republicanism says the greatest actions are political, like they were in Ancient Rome.

So I guess it comes down to the kind of society you want to life in. See Hannah Arendt for a recent-ish defense of republican political thought. Personally, I don't see why these two accounts have to be mutually exclusive. Roman citizens did find meaning through public acts. If someone experiences the liberal life as empty, then why not seek meaning by supplementing it with republicanism?

(Nort seems to find politics interesting and meaningful. Telling him that politics is meaningless feels like ideological policing to me.)

[mèþru]

I find politics meaningful too. I have spent so much time here talking about it. I'm just saying that it might be better to only debate politics occasionally or something and spend more time doing something creative which doesn't involve moral quagmires. And also I used politics as an example for a broader range of things debated here that can get in the way.

[rotting bones]

I had no idea Nort had dropped everything else to focus on politics exclusively. Is that what he's doing? That's not a good thing, and not just for politics.

[mèþru]

No that's not what he did.

This game of misunderstanding is not fun. I quit.

Hope kuroda, Nort, vampireshark and the Pole feel better. *Textual Hugs*

[rotting bones]

Ah, so you think Nort will feel better if he debates politics less often than he does, but you still think it is okay to do it occasionally?

(I don't know, this still seems like the liberal philosophy. I have a feeling that Nort is more inclined towards republicanism, though I could be wrong about that.)

(A republican diagnosis would go something like: It's not that Nort is doing politics that is depressing him. The problem is that he's wasting his energy pointlessly debating politics on the internet. That would be like the lowest rung in the hierarchy of political actions, if it has a place there at all. Instead, he should concentrate his energies and work towards becoming the foremost conservative activist in America. The problem is that ranting in a forum is not political enough. Nort should make sure that no responsible citizen of the republic has any alternative but to spend time analyzing his words. Then he will no longer feel that his life is empty.)

(So it wasn't a misunderstanding. It was the only interpretation of your words I could think of that was consistent with the republican political philosophy I had already mentioned.)

[xxx]

the best things in life are those without importance, without values, without object and totally free...
The simple fact of watching a sunrise, examining a crack in a wall, paying attention to the movement of the broom on the ground, can fill each moment intensely enough to encourage to continue observation of symphony of life...
And of course, conlanging which often fill with happiness for several days when an eureka effect occurs, which gives you a vision overhanging the world, whose only memory give the ecstasy again until fulfilling a life...

[linguoboy]

Me: Would you like to sit down?
Her: No, I'm in a hurry. [continues to rant for another fifteen minutes]

The her in question is a former colleague who lost her job two months ago. Today she showed up at my workplace unannounced and pounced on me before I could even reach the door to my department. Even though it's the first time I've seen her since my husband died, she didn't offer condolences or even ask how I was. She just started recounting her woes. After a few minutes, I fell completely silent. Several minutes more, and I stopped even trying to look sympathetic; I just stared at her stony-faced. She was not deterred. I couldn't wait for her to stop talking and leave. And to think my husband and I once considered her a friend.

I was in a shitty mood to start with due to poor sleep. Then as I was struggling to get ready this morning I stumbled across a pile of random stuff on the coffee table. It took me a moment to realise what it was: The contents of my husband's shoulder bag. I was looking for a small bag to carry some necessities in yesterday and this was the only one left that the stupid cat hasn't pissed on, so I emptied it out and decided to deal with the items later. One of them was a printed page with a detailed summary of his diet and ailments for the two weeks leading up to his doctor's appointment in March of last year. The appointment which resulted in him being admitted to the hospital for the surgery which may ultimately have killed him.

He came home twice after that: For ten days which resulted in him nearly going septic and being readmitted and then again to die peacefully with his family around him. Yesterday was the first anniversary of that first disastrous visit home. Needless to say, I crumpled up the page and cried.

Fuck everything.

[Vijay]

*hug*