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Been peeved at work lately. A bit of background, followed by a giant rant (sorry):
I work on a team of five. There's me, "Dan", "Cameron", "Nick", and "Kevin". Dan and Cameron have been on the project the longest; they started it and had a lot of impact on its direction. Nick has been on the project the third-longest, but isn't as experienced of a developer. Kevin and I are new to the project, but Kevin is an experienced developer. I'm the least-experienced developer of us.
Our main problem is the division between the "old-timers" (Dan and Cam) and the "newcomers" (Nick, Kevin, and me). On one hand, because of their experience, Dan and Cam know a lot that the rest of us might not consider when designing and implementing stuff. On the other, this means they can fall into the trap of assuming their methods are best by default. Dan is usually fine—he's chill and willing to listen, even when you're telling him you think he's wrong.
Cam, on the other hand...
Cam does not take well to disagreement. His method is the One True Method, and he is Always Correct, and if you disagree with him, you are Wrong (and a threat). He sticks his nose into everyone's business, is nitpicky to the extreme about things that don't matter, and gets passive-aggressive when he perceives people as Doing Things Wrong. Besides these pleasant qualities, he's also horrible at communicating (he ONLY communicates via Slack, even though he sits three feet from me, and his messages are so vague they're impossible to decipher). I'll be fair to him—he's a good developer and he often is right (or his way is also valid). But his attitude makes you want to disagree with everything he says.
This didn't used to be a problem for me, mostly because I was new enough to the team that I'd go along with whatever he said. (and he's only in the office two days a week anyway) But lately I've noticed two things:
1. The more I push back on what Cam says—not, like, screaming that he's wrong, but questioning if his way really is better or pushing back against his nitpicks—the more passive-aggressive and nitpicky he gets toward me.
2. Cam hates Nick, and constantly blames him for things (not directly, but passive-aggressively).
These two things together have made me realize a third thing: Cam is only nitpicky and blamey with me and Nick. Not Dan, who's too nice to be angry at, and not Kevin, who takes no crap from anybody. Just me and Nick.
This all culminated yesterday when I needed his help to sort out issues I'd caused in our code. Instead of just buckling down and helping me figure out how to fix it, he spent like an hour rehashing what went wrong (I UNDERSTAND WHAT WENT WRONG) and subtly blaming Nick (IT WAS ME, NOT NICK) and refusing to answer yes or no questions (I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF MY SUGGESTION WILL WORK OR NOT). After like three hours of this, it culminated in angry crying in the bathroom, after which I literally screamed the entire drive home. (kind of surprised I didn't lose my voice)
THIS DUDE
I HAVEN'T GOTTEN FURIOUS ENOUGH TO CRY AT WORK IN LITERALLY YEARS
AND HERE WE ARE
I've finally put it together, though. I knew he didn't like being challenged (why he and Nick don't get along—because Nick can be obstinate and argumentative himself, so he disagrees with Cam all the time), but I've realized his main thing is that the project is his baby and he doesn't like other developers getting their dirty fingers all over it. But he knows intellectually that we all need to work together to get it done. So instead of handling his issues like an adult, he lashes out passive-aggressively against people he perceives as vulnerable: the two least-experienced developers on the project, who he might browbeat into listening to him. (which explains why he doesn't do it to Kevin, despite Kevin disagreeing with him as much or more than Nick does)
I'm also pretty sure that Cam legitimately doesn't realize this (why he's such a dick, or that he's a dick at all), but I don't accept that as an excuse. Part of being an adult means not alienating all your coworkers, or at least realizing when you've done so.
tl;dr: my coworker is a very tall infant
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I generally forget to say, so if it's relevant and I don't mention it--I'm from Southern Michigan and speak Inland North American English. Yes, I have the Northern Cities Vowel Shift; no, I don't have the cot-caught merger; and it is called pop.
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