Our own nat- and conlang tongue twisters

[Rui]

Another silly one to make you say naughty words:

I'm a mother pheasant plucker.
I pluck mother pheasants.
I'm the most pleasant mother pheasant plucker,
to ever pluck a mother pheasant.

[Rui]

Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.

Three free thin-finned fish think thick fresh fish guts stink.

I surrender, in spite of not being unable to pronounce [T D] and [s] vs. [z].

Anyvone have vone viss [v w] to confuse ziss Cherman shpeaker for goot?

Not sure about [v w], but there is this one that many English-speaking children know:

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he?

(not really a tongue twister, just a nursery rhyme)

[Astraios]

No, it just means that English is stupid for letting me write archæologist but not archæic (even though that's probably etymologically justified), and that I am still learning things about this godforsaken black tongue.

It's not etymologically justified though. It's from αρχαικός, so 1) you'd be writing archæc if you wanted to use an æ, and 2) you should just never write æ in English because it makes you look like a twat.

[Skomakar'n]

No, it just means that English is stupid for letting me write archæologist but not archæic (even though that's probably etymologically justified), and that I am still learning things about this godforsaken black tongue.

It's not etymologically justified though. It's from αρχαικός, so 1) you'd be writing archæc if you wanted to use an æ, and 2) you should just never write æ in English because it makes you look like a twat.

"You look like a twat". "You look like a dick". I probably look like a lot of things doing a lot of things, and I don't really care how people choose to perceive me, so those are no good arguments!

[Astraios]

"You look like a twat". "You look like a dick". I probably look like a lot of things doing a lot of things, and I don't really care how people choose to perceive me, so those are no good arguments!

It's not how people choose to perceive you, dumbass. xD It looks annoying and stupid to native speakers, that's all you need to understand as a reason not to try and do it (especially if you get it wrong). It's as if somebody was insisting that wrytynge yn Ye Olde Englyshe alle þe timme wæs an gode þynge for to doe.

[Skomakar'n]

"You look like a twat". "You look like a dick". I probably look like a lot of things doing a lot of things, and I don't really care how people choose to perceive me, so those are no good arguments!

It's not how people choose to perceive you, dumbass. xD It looks annoying and stupid to native speakers, that's all you need to understand as a reason not to try and do it (especially if you get it wrong). It's as if somebody was insisting that wrytynge yn Ye Olde Englyshe alle þe timme wæs an gode þynge for to doe.

I actually wouldn't mind as long as I'm able to read it (and I was able to read that). Everyone to his own, eh?

[MisterBernie]

Everyone to his own, eh?

To each his own

I need to look for How Not To Write A Novel so I can quote the section on using fancy words, and using them wrong. This is basically the orthographic equivalent.

[Skomakar'n]

But English is otherwise so UGLY AND BORING. LET ME HAVE SOME FUN WITH IT.

Why can I say cacti instead of cactuses, but not write archæology instead of archaeology? How is the latter more twatty than the former? @:

[MisterBernie]

Sorry; this is not writing. This is showing off, and nobody likes a show-off.

Using a word almost correctly, or using a word almost exactly like the right word, amounts to almost speaking English. (...) [S]aying "incredulous" when you mean "incredible" is the prose equivalent of walking into a meeting wearing your underwear on the outside.

Which kinda applies to the æsthetics of using æ, and using æ whære it doesn't belong

[Astraios]

Why can I say cacti instead of cactuses, but not write archæology instead of archaeology? How is the latter more twatty than the former? @:

If you said cacti instead of cactuses you'd sound just as twattish as if you wrote archæology instead of archaeology.

[Skomakar'n]

Sorry; this is not writing. This is showing off, and nobody likes a show-off.

Using a word almost correctly, or using a word almost exactly like the right word, amounts to almost speaking English. (...) [S]aying "incredulous" when you mean "incredible" is the prose equivalent of walking into a meeting wearing your underwear on the outside.

Which kinda applies to the æsthetics of using æ, and using æ whære it doesn't belong

Well, I find the practice of putting the first letter of every word in a title to be terrible. Also, I'm of course not denying that I used it incorrectly before.

Why can I say cacti instead of cactuses, but not write archæology instead of archaeology? How is the latter more twatty than the former? @:

If you said cacti instead of cactuses you'd sound just as twattish as if you wrote archæology instead of archaeology.

That makes no sense. If I can write it, but not say it, why can't I write this with a spelling that doesn't even change the pronunciation? It's just a stylistic convention of writing two of the letters a little closer to each other, which a lot of people probably wouldn't even spot in handwriting. Also, why is naïve more acceptable than noöne? Silly tongue.

[Astraios]

That makes no sense. If I can write it, but not say it, why can't I write this with a spelling that doesn't even change the pronunciation? It's just a stylistic convention of writing two of the letters a little closer to each other, which a lot of people probably wouldn't even spot in handwriting. Also, why is naïve more acceptable than noöne? Silly tongue.

Duh... If you're writing, you use "Standard English". If you're speaking, you don't, unless you're being all scientificky and formal. And yes, that's all it is, but it doesn't look good or normal to native speakers, even in this Standard English thing, because it's outdated. And you must never ever ever write noöne because it looks utterly ridiculous; naïve is at least technically correct because that's how it is in French, but still naive is going to be more common. Why is it such a difficult concept to understand? Use spellings that native speakers prefer, because we're the ultimate authority on what looks correct, not you. xD

[Skomakar'n]

we're the ultimate authority on what looks correct, not you. xD

I haven't said anything else. Still, English is ugly, and it's almost a second language to me, and I like playing with it as I have to use it every day when I'm on the internet.

[Astraios]

I agree that English is ugly, but you could at least play with it in a way that doesn't look stupid.

[Qwynegold]

I invented a new one, although it's not that good.

Laita säkin Sakun sukannukat säkkiin sikin sokin!
You too put Saku's sock lint into the sack higgledy-piggledy!

[Herr Dunkel]

ħɜħɛħ'ɜ:ħɛħ'?

Why are you thirsty?

[Amsel]

Anyvone have vone viss [v w] to confuse ziss Cherman shpeaker for goot?

Here's an attempt--maybe someone more creative can make it better:

Very wary voles beware of very wily wolves because the very wily wolf will wolf down nary wary voles.

[----]

ħɜħɛħ'ɜ:ħɛħ'?

Why are you thirsty?

What language is that?

[Astraios]

Very wary voles beware of very wily wolves because the very wily wolf will wolf down nary wary voles.

I do not think this means what you think it means.

[Amsel]

Very wary voles beware of very wily wolves because the very wily wolf will wolf down nary wary voles.

I do not think this means what you think it means.

I know it's an adjective derived from "ne'er a". I looked it up to make sure before I wrote it, but I used it anyway because it's obsolete (IMD) and it rhymed. Perhaps it can be resurrected as an adver...wait...

Fixed!

Very wary voles beware of very wily wolves, for nary a wily wolf will wolf down a very wary vole.

[TomHChappell]

Very wary voles beware of very wily wolves, for nary a wily wolf will wolf down a very wary vole.

Excellent!

And if I understand correctly, it's new with you? That is, you just created it in the last two days?

[Qwynegold]

ħɜħɛħ'ɜ:ħɛħ'?

Why are you thirsty?

What language is that?

Yeah, what language? Lol, I'm thirsty because I just said [ħɜħɛħ'ɜ:ħɛħ].

[Jashan]

English:
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers; a peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked.

Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter's bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So 't was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.



French:
Le chasseur, sachant chasser sans son chien, chassera.
('The hunter, knowing how to hunt without his dog, will hunt.')

Dutch:
De kat krabt de krullen van de trap.
('The cat scratches the carpet from the stairs.')

Als een potvis in een pispot pist zit de pispot vol met potvispis
('If a whale pees in a chamber pot, then the chamber pot is full of whale-pee')

De koetsier poetst de postkoets met postkoetsenpoets
('The coachman cleans the coach with a coach-cleaning-brush.')

[Jipí]

De koetsier poetst de postkoets met postkoetsenpoets
('The coachman cleans the coach with a coach-cleaning-brush.')

Der Cottbusser Postkutscher putzt seinen Cottbusser Postkutschkasten.
Der Putbusser Postkutscher putzt seinen Putbusser Postkutschkasten.
Putzt der Cottbusser Postkutscher den Putbusser Postkutschkasten,
putzt der Putbusser Postkutscher den Cottbusser Postkutschkasten.

'The Cottbus post coachman cleans his Cottbus post coach box.
The Putbus post coachman cleans his Putbus post coach box.
If the Cottbus post coachman cleans the Putbus post coachbox,
the Putbus post coachman will clean the Cottbus post coachbox.'

Two tricky in writing:

Wer gegen Aluminium minimal immun ist, hat die Aluminiumminimalimmunität.
'Those who are minimally immune against aluminum have an aluminum-minimum-immunicy.'

Der Leutnant von Leuthen befahl seinen Leuten, nicht eher zu läuten, bis der Leutnant von Leuthen seine Leuten das Läuten befahl.
'The lieutenant of Leuthen ordered his people not to ring the bells until the lieutnant of Leuthen would have ordered his people to ring the bells.'

This was more tricky back in the day Leutnant was spelt Lieutenant, I suppose.

[TomHChappell]

English:...

Theophilus Throckmorton thrust three thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb?