His first letter to me, helpfully translated by yours truly, is below. The original is at the end of the post.
So, is there anything that you would like to ask him? Apparently, on account of their lax admissions policies, he has access to the library at the University of Sojane, so he might be good for stuff other than beer, hookers and traditional Dravian foodstuffs. So ask anything at all: from the best place to find hookers in downtown Sojane to Dravia's glorious communist past. I'm going to put a few questions to him myself, but feel free to chip in.Tedú wrote:My name is Tedur Covaç, and I live in Sojane. I'm 32 years old.
Perhaps, since you're learning Dravean, I should say that in my own language: "Jèu'm daic Tedur Covaç, e man locài a Sojane. Jèu av trènta-dòi annei."
So much for all the English I know. I have to say that I was surprised when ISOAC put me in contact with you. Normally I just get useless offers on French potatoes (it says on the box "Des Producteurs, tout simplement," so apparantly, they're "just farmers". Personally I think they're just advertising professionals who have been paid too much and, in between sinking martinis and fucking Ukranian hookers, have come up with the least inspiring slogan in the history of ever), but a chef who is learning Dravean? Wow.
Foreigners don't learn Dravian. A thousand years of ruling us and the Hungarians never bothered. The Germans they sent here were too busy talking to each other and appropriating my grandfathers' land to learn how to speak to us backward peasants. Even the bloody gypsies never learnt to speak to us, mate: we don't have enough money for them to bother conning. The only foreigners who learn Dravean are Slovenians, and even then only the ones who live in Ptuj, because most of the sodding city speaks Dravean and you need to be able to ask for a beer somehow. Have you ever been to Ptuj? It's a hole. Aside from hookers and beer, the city lacks anything of interest.
So, you're interested in my beautiful fatherland? Just ask, and I'll tell you.
Regards,
Tedú
(This is, of course, an "Ask Me Anything" thread cunningly hidden behind the conceit of an authorial alter-ego. But I thought it'd be a change from the scratchpads.