Venting thread that still excludes eddy (2)

[jal]

God, I am going to fill up this appointment.

Good luck!


JAL

[Travis B.]

Do you write it down? Might help so you don't miss anything.

I made a basic list of the topics I wanted to talk about for myself just so I would remember. In the past at times I had written down everything I wanted to talk about and simply handed it to my psych, but this time I decided against doing that.

[Travis B.]

Fuck. I'm getting catatonia at work. Yay.

[jal]

Fuck. I'm getting catatonia at work. Yay.

If I'd believe in gods, I'd be pretty sure there's a bunch of them who hate you :).


JAL

[Travis B.]

My motto is that it can always be worse, no matter what. And really, there are plenty of people who have got it far, far worse than I have got it.

[jal]

My motto is that it can always be worse, no matter what. And really, there are plenty of people who have got it far, far worse than I have got it.

Cold comfort...


JAL

[Travis B.]

It serves both to say that, no matter how bad things are now, they really aren't that bad in the bigger picture, and remind me that there is no bottom to hit aside from being dead - there's always room further down to go.

The only thing is this logic only works when things aren't that bad. When things are that bad, the only thing I can think of is just how much misery I am in right then - I cannot picture the future or envision any possibility of improvement - and, at times, that I want to end that misery, right then.

[Travis B.]

Now I'm paralyzingly, suffocatingly depressed. And I'm at work.

[jal]

Now I'm paralyzingly, suffocatingly depressed. And I'm at work.

Sorry to hear that Trav. Did you already talk to your therapist?


JAL

[Travis B.]

Now I'm paralyzingly, suffocatingly depressed. And I'm at work.

Sorry to hear that Trav. Did you already talk to your therapist?

I talk to her next week. And thankfully things have gotten a good bit better; hopefully that is my quetiapine working rather than a random mood swing.

[Viktor77]

I ought to tell people I become friends with when I go abroad that my native language is something other than English. The bad part of English being the lingua franca of the world is everyone wants you as a native speaker to look at stuff they're writing in English for errors. It doesn't really bother me so I don't know why I'm ranting, but I usually don't have anything for them to do in return...except the few that are French speakers.

[vampireshark]

I ought to tell people I become friends with when I go abroad that my native language is something other than English. The bad part of English being the lingua franca of the world is everyone wants you as a native speaker to look at stuff they're writing in English for errors. It doesn't really bother me so I don't know why I'm ranting, but I usually don't have anything for them to do in return...except the few that are French speakers.

I tell them I normally am happy to do it in exchange for food/snacks (and normally for good friends, though I really've only had a few people ask me for English help here in the Grand Duchy). I also did some correcting when I was teaching in France, though that was because I was working as a language assistant and it felt a bit natural to be willing to help people with their English, regardless of grade level/position.

(That said, non-native English speakers seem to misread where I'm from because of my accent, apparently. Yay, camouflage.)


Minor vent: Why is it that people keep screwing up my name here, even when I write down the name nicely and clearly? (Or seeing my first name and going "mademoiselle"... sigh.)

[finlay]

I sort of get paid to do that at work, although technically I should be teaching them English a lot of them bring in their own work to check, which the company basically encourages.

I've gotten into a bit of a cycle with one woman who I don't actually see IRL anymore, but she emails me sometimes (not so often) with things she's tried to translate and there's usually a lot of errors or weird-looking sentences that have obviously been translated word-for-word – a bit distressing seeing as her job is a translator. I've half a mind to tell her to fuck off next time unless she gives me a cut...

[Travis B.]

That is kind of like when my parents want me to deal with their computer problems because I "know computers" because I'm a programmer when in fact the only thing that makes me better at IT than my parents at all is that I am not scared of the machine, I use some common sense, and I am willing to use trial and error.

[Axiem]

That and we programmers aren't afraid to use google and try the answers it comes up with.

I worked on an issue on my pastor's computer today, and I told her what I had done and she blinked and said "That's...exactly what I would have done!" I then pointed out to her that there's no magic at all; at most, my knowledge/skills allow me to filter through google search results faster. It seemed like the concept that she could just do it herself was completely alien to her.

...I hate doing tech support.

[Viktor77]

Oh Lord, that was the story of my life Travis when I worked for my grandfather. Half my job was IT, which was just sitting at the computer using my limited knowledge and extensive trial and error to troubleshoot.

I used to trade English corrections for beer, VS, but now they're too far away.

Oh yea, VS, I thought I'd tell you. In my department we have to write all the quizzes and tests for our students and they must have a context and my most recent one I made about an American traveling to Luxembourg and learning about Luxembourgish culture, from a mostly francophone perspective since it's a French test. I also made one on Belgium.

[Travis B.]

What was really wonderful was when I was working at my first "real" job, where my official job title was as software verifier, i.e. I wrote code for testing other code. Because the company had no Linux IT support, because they were officially a Windows company, but the project I was working on was entirely a Linux project and many of the engineers wanted to run Linux on their workstations, I ended up in the role of acting as unofficial IT support for Linux within the company despite it being entirely outside of my official qualifications, because I had personally run Linux since late in high school.

[Travis B.]

Yep. Crashed again last night. And coming down pretty hard again today...

[Frislander]

Damn it, I gone and accidentally annoyed some one on the forum again.

I really don't intend to cock-up like this, I just want to get on with people. It's most of the time semi-involuntary, but it still makes me so annoyed when I do it.

[jal]

Damn it, I gone and accidentally annoyed some one on the forum again. :x
I really don't intend to cock-up like this, I just want to get on with people. It's most of the time semi-involuntary, but it still makes me so annoyed when I do it.

Mmm, I'm not sure whether it was your fault entirely, or even at all...


JAL

[Travis B.]

Damn it, I gone and accidentally annoyed some one on the forum again.
I really don't intend to cock-up like this, I just want to get on with people. It's most of the time semi-involuntary, but it still makes me so annoyed when I do it.

Mmm, I'm not sure whether it was your fault entirely, or even at all...

Agreed.

[Chagen]

Ugh.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Everytime a girl online acts nice to me it fucks me up and turns me into a clingy weirdo because I'm so desperate to know I'm not hated by the entire female gender. I become a stammering weirdo who gets too close and blunt and then I become terrified that I'll push her away.

This is currently happening to me right now in a private discord server. A girl who runs it has been chatting with me about stuff and I started getting more friendly with her and she was fine with it and I'm like wtf are you doing, I'm a complete loser, stop being so nice to me aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

and then I ruined the whole mood for everyone else by crying about having no friends in the chat

AND SHE'S BEING EVEN NICER TO ME. I don't deserve this.

fuck. I'm getting this emotional of a fucking online chat room, god knows what I'd do if I would do if a real woman acted this nice to me

[jal]

AND SHE'S BEING EVEN NICER TO ME. I don't deserve this.

For one, I think it is pretty much to the other person whether or not she acts like this. By saying you "don't deserve" this, you are removing agency from her. She appears to like you enough to talk to you in a normal, friendly way. At least use that to your advantage to study how to act in a socially conventional way around girls. Secondly, I don't think anyone "deserves" any kind of attention from anyone. Both saying you don't deserve attention, and saying you do is bad. Be greatful for attention if you like it, otherwise end it. Just my .2$.


JAL

[Travis B.]

It really sucks that things are that way for you right now. Unfortunately I don't feel I can say or do anything to help except to say that this is not your fault and that this can get better. It does seem that this is likely a result of underlying depression and anxiety, and treating these effectively would probably make this sort of thing better overall. But that sort of thing is often easier said than done, unfortunately.

[Travis B.]

Been varying between depressed, very depressed, and very depressed the past three days. And I'm hallucinating. Obviously 50 mg quetiapine isn't working. (I almost certainly need more.) And apparently quetiapine can make you hallucinate. But I so want the quetiapine to work - I don't know of anything else to try right now (I can't really take antidepressants) - that I'm willing to put up with the hallucinations, which thankfully are quite minor.