The Contradictory Feelings Thread

[Risla]

The diagnosis of Crohn's disease was confirmed today. I had a capsule endoscopy last week and it showed extensive ulceration throughout my small intestines. My doctor said she actually thinks that the ulcerative colitis diagnosis when I was a child wasn't misdiagnosed Crohn's, since the most serious symptom I experienced was massive bleeding and that's not typical of CD, but that instead I just won the inflammatory bowel disease lottery and have both. That idea is honestly a serious relief to me, since UC was the worst thing I've ever experienced (it was so traumatic that I couldn't even mention it for ten years after the fact without crying) and maybe this means it won't be severe like that again...

I'm coping better than I was a month ago. Still not coping well at all, but better than before.

[linguoboy]

I'm making a real effort to get out and be social. Earlier I wasn't allowing myself to do as much because I felt bad about ignoring my responsibilities at home, but the result of that was that I got depressed from the lack of interaction and then didn't get anything done anyway.

In any case, I resolved to see more films in the cinema and more live theatre. So far I've seen two movies and one play, which is infinitely more than I saw last year. Unfortunately, they've all been mediocre works. So I'm looking forward to the day when I'm getting out of the house to see good films and plays.

[Travis B.]

My contract was extended by another year, but at the same time they have not kept many of their contractors, so who knows if I will have a job the September after next.

[Risla]

Flying back to Minnesota for a couple weeks tomorrow and am feeling INCREDIBLY weird about it. I haven't set foot on American soil since May 2015, but it's my home country, even though I don't even talk to Americans on a daily basis. Also I'm staying with my (very toxic) family, but I'm hopefully going to be able to spend roughly the entire time on a bicycle and it looks like the weather is going to be amazing. But this ambivalence is just drowned out by just feeling weird as fuck. I always feel weird before traveling but this is some next level shit.

[linguoboy]

Quick social awareness check:

On a scale of 1 to 10, how dicko is it to say, "I'm offering to make you a birthday cake! What would you like? Oh, you're not fond of chocolate cake? Well, I'm making one anyway!"

[Salmoneus]

Quick social awareness check:

On a scale of 1 to 10, how dicko is it to say, "I'm offering to make you a birthday cake! What would you like? Oh, you're not fond of chocolate cake? Well, I'm making one anyway!"

Well, tone of voice plays a big role there! Also, whether there is any clear reason for this.

If it's just "well, I prefer chocolate so that's what I'm making", that would be pretty dickish, though for me the right (pleasant and oblivious) tone of voice and relationship could salvage it into "endearingly socially inept".

If there's a reason like "it's really for everyone on the team (/family/whatever) and everyone other than you hates pistacchio-and-mango cake, so I'll just do chocolate, OK?", I could be OK with that - it's not much of a birthday gesture, but I respect that they may be facing an array of pressures of which my own tastes are only a part.

Or, if it's "I know you don't really like it much, but it's the only thing I can actually make so far, so... sorry!"
Or if the context is "I'm actually doing this because I need to practice making chocolate cakes and this is just a convenient excuse".

[alynnidalar]

Fairly dickish, I'd say. "I'm giving you a gift that I know you don't like! Due to social traditions and pressure to be polite, you'll have to go through the motions to accept it, even though we all know you don't want it and we all know I know you don't want it!"

If the offer was to make a chocolate cake and some other, more palatable type of cake (e.g. for a party), that'd be different. (like that time my brother-in-law bought an ice cream cake for my sister's birthday. She's lactose intolerant. But a) she had another cake and b) my brother-in-law was quite up front that he was mostly using her birthday as an excuse to buy an ice cream cake anyway; he didn't pretend it was some sort of present)

FAKE EDIT: yeah basically what Sal said. there's some contexts in which it'd be OK, but outside of those contexts it's kind of a dick move.

[Vijay]

Another context where I could see it as okay is if they mistakenly thought or misremembered that you (generic you) liked chocolate cake, forgot to check with you first, and had already begun making it up to the point where they could not make it another more palatable kind of cake.

[linguoboy]

Maybe he was just yanking my chain? Because when the cake arrived this evening, it was a vaguely-nutty white cake with a coconut reverse buttercream. Now I feel silly. But the cake was awesome, so it's all good.

[Vijay]

Well, I think yanking your chain is at least borderline dickish anyway. But that's good.

[Salmoneus]

white cake

Never seen one of those. Is that because of coconut?

with a coconut reverse buttercream.

I'm not sure whether to ask what "coconut reverse" is, or what "reverse buttercream" is (and I'm not sure I dare google that...)

[linguoboy]

white cake

Never seen one of those. Is that because of coconut?

White cake is like a yellow cake but with less yolk. (Though it must have some or else it would be angel food.)

with a coconut reverse buttercream.

I'm not sure whether to ask what "coconut reverse" is, or what "reverse buttercream" is (and I'm not sure I dare google that...)

According to the bakers present yesterday evening, "reverse buttercream" is buttercream with the proportions reversed so there's lots more butter than sugar. This one was particularly elabourate, with crème anglaise and Italian meringue in the mix as well.

On topic: Belated birthday wishes. I mean, thanks for saying something nice? But the day to do that was yesterday and so now it sounds a trifle insincere.

[alice]

I don't seem to be getting any better; in fact recently I've been a bit worse. Will it ever end?

[linguoboy]

So the same friend who baked the cake also posted pictures to Facebook of a barbecue he had. Naturally, my first reaction was, "Why wasn't I invited?" Then I reminded myself that you can't invite everybody to everything. Still, someone else brought it up at my birthday party so I ribbed him gently about it. He responded by pointing out how much energy he'd expended over the years trying to avoid inviting me and my late husband's ex to the same the events. I looked at the pictures again and the cute guy in them I didn't recognise turned out to be the ex.

This isn't the first time I've done this. He still lives in my late husband's old neighbourhood, so until we moved, I used to see him on the street from time to time. And at least half the time, I'd be like, "Who's that good-looking guy?" And when he got close enough for me to see the hard look in his eyes, I'd be like, "Whoops."

[Vijay]

My dad has suggested I start a blog for business purposes. Yesterday, he explained the idea to me a bit more. It sounds like it might be a good idea, but the problem I see right now is whether I'll actually do it.

[Risla]

I just booked another night on Mt Hiei. I spent a night there in June and it was absolutely amazing; my favorite place in the country, no question. The issue is that I'm rather broke and probably can't REALLY afford to stay there, especially since it's rather expensive...but otoh I've been feeling pretty down, and this gives me something to look foward to, which I really need right now. I hope this will encourage me to stay within my budget for other stuff, at least.

[Io]

Is there an English term for these types of cakes (I assume they're considered cakes):

[Vijay]

Bundt?

Reminds me of this dialog from one of my favorite movies, My Big Fat Greek Wedding
"...Thank you. What is it?"
"It's a bundt."
"A bon?"
"Bundt."
"Bon-...bo-bonk, bonk."
"Bundt!"
"Bonnnn...t."
"BUNDT! BunDTTT!"
"Tsh tsh tsh tsh tsh..."
"Είναι κέικ, η Μάρι."
"Ohhh!...It's a cake! I know, heheh! Ahahaha! Thank you, thank you, very very much! (aside, to her sister) There's a hole in this kek."

[Pole, the]

Looks like babka to me.

[Vijay]

But doesn't babka require a glaze? This cake doesn't seem to have one.

[Ryusenshi]

Marble cake?

[Pole, the]

But doesn't babka require a glaze? This cake doesn't seem to have one.

I don't think so. The ones you can buy at a supermarket usually don't have it.

[rotting bones]

I just booked another night on Mt Hiei. I spent a night there in June and it was absolutely amazing; my favorite place in the country, no question. The issue is that I'm rather broke and probably can't REALLY afford to stay there, especially since it's rather expensive...but otoh I've been feeling pretty down, and this gives me something to look foward to, which I really need right now. I hope this will encourage me to stay within my budget for other stuff, at least.

May the pestle of wisdom grind your demons into dust and all that, but don't eat hijiki if they offer you any.

[alynnidalar]

The shape of the cake is called a Bundt cake or a ring cake. The type of cake would appear to be marble, assuming it's partly white cake and partly chocolate cake.

[Io]

Marble cake?

That would be it, I guess. Is the word easily recognisable though?